


Saudade

by mimihaebinakgae



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, sideviseul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-29 11:12:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14471442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimihaebinakgae/pseuds/mimihaebinakgae
Summary: Saudade[soh-dah-duh]noun1. a deep emotional state of melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent





	1. Back

**Author's Note:**

> This is cross-posted on my aff account (joey_loves_ggs)

_It’s been so long._  
  
Jinsol lets her gaze roam around the place she once called home. It’s been years since she’s last been here, and Jinsol basks in the warmth she feels at the familiarity of the place. Her parents, God bless their soul, tried to preserve the place as much as they could after she left the country – and everything in the house is arranged as they were before Jinsol left. A bitter taste lingers on her tongue at the thought of her parents, who were the most loving, understanding and kindest people Jinsol has ever had the pleasure of knowing. Too bad that they left Jinsol this early in life. It still hurts, there’s still a slight sting to her heart every time she sees something or someone that reminds her of her mother and father, but Jinsol’s slowly learning to accept the fact that they’re gone. Slowly, she’s learning how to move on with life.  
  
With a sigh, Jinsol reaches for the face mask inside her pocket and puts it on, before starting to remove the pieces of cloth draped over every furniture in the living room. The place is expectedly covered in a thin layer of dust, after having been left unattended for a while. It’s been two years since her father lost his bout with cancer, and a year since her mother was taken from her by a stupid drunk driver who didn’t even have the decency to rush her to the hospital. Jinsol’s hands unconsciously clench the cloth she’s holding at that particular memory. It just serves the bastard right to rot in jail for the rest of his life. Jinsol shakes her head to rid herself of negative thoughts. It’s no use dwelling in them, she’s getting better at coping now. Another sigh pushes past her lips as she continues on with the task of cleaning up the house as much as she could.  
  


* * *

  
  
It takes five hours, and two full huge garbage bags before Jinsol’s done cleaning the whole of the first floor. She cleared every surface of dust, disposed of all the things that are disposable, and has even made a list of all the things she would need to shop for the house the following day. The sun has already set and it’s already beginning to get dark outside when she finishes, with her body covered in sweat and grime and her muscles tense from all the work. But Jinsol doesn’t mind for she feels a tad lighter than she did hours ago, and that makes the corners of her lips curl up in a smile. With a grunt, she stands up from the floor where she’s slumped earlier after cleaning, taking the scrap of paper where she wrote her list along. A quick warm shower would be nice before dinner, she suffices, as she leaves the paper on top of the coffee table to go up to her room.  
  
Dragging her feet along the floor’s quite dated carpet, Jinsol takes lethargic steps up the stairs to her old room. She didn’t feel tired while cleaning up earlier, neither when she was slumped on the floor and making her grocery list, but it’s like the exhaustion decided to hit her all at once, for Jinsol starts to feel every joint in her body ache. Scrap the quick shower. She’s gonna take a long, relaxing, warm bath to soothe her aching muscles with those bath essentials her former co-worker gave her as a farewell gift. Jinsol groans as soon as she reaches the final step, her muscles aching and demanding for some rest. Sluggishly, she heads towards the first door to the right, turning the knob and slowly pushing the door open.  
  
A choked sound comes from her throat as soon as the door is opened though. Because her parents **really** preserved the whole place and left everything as they were six years ago. It’s like Jinsol has never left this room despite the fact that she has never stepped foot in Korea in five years until her mother’s passing. Everywhere Jinsol looked, there’s a reminder of her: the old framed photographs of **_them_** on top of her drawers, the plushies on Jinsol’s bed – the ones **_she_** brought every time **_she_** slept over, because _“it’s more comfortable to sleep with them, duh”_ , and **_her_** books on top of Jinsol’s study table. With shaky legs and a racing heart, Jinsol walks into her room, heading straight to the bed where she takes a seat.  
  
Jinsol’s in a daze, for she’s hit in the face with the reality that she still hasn’t quite moved on yet – not from this heartbreak at least – and that she was doing nothing but fooling herself for thinking that she has indeed moved on. It’s been six fucking years already, yet her heart still aches at the mere thought of **_her_**. Looking up, Jinsol is met with her reflection in the vanity’s mirror. Her hair is no longer blonde – back to its original auburn color after she let the blonde dye fade – and she’s gained some muscles and gotten a little bit tanner after living in sunny California for six long years. She looks a whole lot different from the Jinsol of six years ago, but looking at her eyes makes Jinsol clench her jaws tightly. For those eyes – no matter how long the time has passed – are still familiar, are still the same eyes reflecting the pain she’s been trying so hard to bury into oblivion. And it frustrates Jinsol. Because she should’ve been able to move on by now.  
  
She should’ve.  
  
But even after six years, she’s still nowhere near step one.  
  


* * *

  
  
Jinsol’s bath takes longer than intended, her skin turning all wrinkly indicative of the time she’s spent in the water. And she had no intention of leaving anytime soon but her phone lit up, displaying Jiwoo’s name. The message contains the address of a restaurant and a short _‘rest up for tonight. The others are very excited to see you tomorrow’_ , making Jinsol sigh as she finally gets up and drains the water from the tub, then proceeding to rinse herself. It’s getting quite late, and she doesn’t really feel like staying out for too long. She figured ordering food to go and rushing home as soon as possible is the best option so she could laze around for longer.  
  
Fifteen minutes later and Jinsol’s finished getting ready, quite a record if she must say so herself. Grabbing her phone, wallet and keys, she finally makes her way downstairs, all ready to head out to hunt for food. She passes by a framed photograph of a much younger version of herself with her parents hanging on the wall, making her stop in her tracks to stare at it for a while. There’s that familiar sting again, and the lump lodging her throat, as she looks at her father’s and mother’s smiling faces, and once more, the regret comes crashing back and swallows Jinsol whole.  
  
After **the** breakup that left her heart in shattered pieces six years ago and wanting to just get away from everything, Jinsol decided to accept the position her boss offered her at their then-new LA branch. Her parents, although reluctant, understood why she wanted to leave and let her go. The morning of her departure was a teary one, and Jinsol gave both her mother and father the tightest hugs she’s ever given them before she left. Had she known that that would be the last time she would be able to hug her father alive, she wouldn’t have left no matter how heartbroken she was.  
  
Because their company was new back then, and being the most senior amongst her team, Jinsol always had a ton of work to do. She was able to sneak in a couple of hours a day for contacting her family back in Korea, but her workload demanded most of her time and energy, so even though she wanted to come home and visit her parents, she wasn’t able to do so. Even after her father got really sick, it was hard to go back home. She had to beg her boss and promise to work twice as harder, if not more, just to let her go back and visit her father.  
  
When she was finally given approval to go home, it was quite too late. Jinsol only had as much time to tell her father that she loves him very much, and for her to hear him say he loves her back, before he said goodbye to all of them. Jinsol has never cried as much back then, after feeling her father’s grip on her hand slacken slowly before completely letting go.  
  
A year and a couple of months after that saw Jinsol losing her mother as well. She tries her best to not think about that tragic incident, tries to suppress the pain and tears threatening to burst. Her mother’s passing was abrupt, too abrupt for Jinsol to even register the words her cousin said at first – informing her of what happened. She didn’t even have the time to “ready” herself. Jinsol didn’t bother begging for permission to go back home then. That same afternoon, she went into her boss’ office, placed her resignation letter on top of his table and left that place without once looking back. Hours later, she’s on a flight back to Korea trying her best to keep herself together until she’s back in their house where she can freely cry and break down over life being so fucking unfair.  
  
Jinsol is brought back from her thoughts by the grumbling of her stomach. She feels something wet land on her hand, and only then does she realize that she’s started tearing up. Wiping at the tears harshly, Jinsol shakes the memories and the negativity away. With one final look at the photo, Jinsol heads out, a sad smile gracing her lips as she locked the door behind.  
  


* * *

  
  
Because it’s the weekend, all the restaurants that Jinsol went to are quite full already, so she’s been trying to look for the least occupied place where she can buy food quickly. It’s late, she’s tired and hungry, and all she wants to do is buy food and go home. She’s starting to get grumpy and frustrated when she passes by a convenience store that only has two or three patrons inside. Internally celebrating, Jinsol enters the establishment with an accomplished smile on her lips. She hurriedly gets a basket and goes straight to the microwavable food section. She picks the ones she likes, stacking them one by one in her basket, before heading for the snacks section. Jinsol doesn’t waste time picking her food, so it’s no surprise that she finishes quickly.  
  
With a genuine smile on her face, she thanks the cashier after paying for her stuff, and hums on the way out of the store. But it was at that moment that the sliding doors open and a kid comes barreling through, crashing straight into Jinsol and sending the both of them to the ground on their butts. Jinsol hurriedly gets up, merely sparing her groceries a thought and putting it to the side to help the – now whimpering – kid up.  
  
“Hey, hey, I’m sorry sweetie. Please don’t cry,” Jinsol says as she kneels in front of the little girl – who looks no older than five years old – and tries to make her stop crying. The whimpering turns into quiet sniffles as the kid finally looks up at Jinsol’s face, and Jinsol is stunned for a moment, for the eyes looking back at her remind her of **_someone_** she knew very well in the past.  
  
Jinsol is stood there, frozen like a statue, as she gapes at the little girl in her arms. She’s not even aware of her surroundings anymore, for the kid smiles at her – and it does something to Jinsol’s heart, because this kid smiles just like **_her_** and Jinsol almost cries right then and there.  
  
“Yerim! I told you to wait for me!”  
  
And Jinsol feels the world stop spinning, for years might have passed, but she would never fail to recognize that voice. Looking up makes Jinsol feel faint, because standing there by the store’s entrance is **_her_**. **_She’s_** still as beautiful, if not more, as the first day Jinsol saw her. **_Her_** skin, still than familiar rosy porcelain-like, **_her_** lips still painted a blood red, **_her_** eyes as dark as Jinsol remembers them to be. **_She’s_** beautiful, much too beautiful, and Jinsol’s heart aches with a familiar yearning, wanting to reach out and hold her in her arms.  
  
“Jinsol.”  
  
Jinsol’s breathe hitches at the sound of her name falling from those lips, and she wants **_her_** to say it again, over and over, for she now only realizes how much she’s missed hearing **_her_** say her name.  
  
“You’re back.”  
  


* * *

  
  



	2. Oh?

_“Jinsol.”_  
  
_Jinsol’s breathe hitches at the sound of her name falling from those lips, and she wants **her** to say it again, over and over, for she now only realizes how much she’s missed hearing **her** say her name._  
  
_“You’re back.”_  
  
It still feels so surreal, seeing the person she has loved – and maybe, probably still does up to this day – after six long years. It didn’t take too long for Jinsol then, as her gaze flitted between Jungeun and the little girl she called Yerim, to put two and two together. And then her gaze is locked in on Yerim, who is now smiling up at her sweetly despite the fact that she was whimpering just moments ago. Jinsol feels her heart race, her eyes pricking with incoming tears, as she studied every little detail on Yerim’s face. The first thing she can think of is _‘she’s so beautiful’_ , and she feels a surge of affection for this little girl she barely even knows. Jinsol unconsciously reaches a hand out, gently cupping Yerim’s chubby cheek, while Yerim merely looks at her quizzically but doesn’t move back.  
  
The soft whirring of the slushie machine breaks Jinsol from her trance, and she moves back quickly, as if she has just been burned. Jinsol takes deep, shaky breaths to calm her erratic heartbeat, tearing her gaze from Yerim and looking at Jungeun who is still standing behind the little girl. And Jinsol has the sudden urge to bolt away as fast as she could then, for Jungeun is looking at her with sadness and remorse so obvious in her eyes, reminding Jinsol of the painful past she just wishes to forget. Feeling the tears welling in her eyes, Jinsol tears her gaze from Jungeun and bows apologetically to both her and Yerim. Then, grabbing her bag of food items, she hurriedly walks away from that place without once looking back.  
  
She walks away as fast as she can.  
  
Away from Jungeun.  
  
Away from Yerim.  
  
Away from a past heartbreak that continues to haunt her up until now.  
  


* * *

  
  
It’s been hours since that unexpected encounter yet Jinsol still couldn’t take her mind off Jungeun and Yerim. It breaks her still-trying-to-mend heart, for she realizes that beautiful little Yerim is a reminder of a past heartbreak that she thinks she would never, ever get over. It sucks, because looking at Yerim makes Jinsol feel protective of the kid, makes her want to keep Yerim from all the bad and painful things in this world. But looking at Yerim also makes Jinsol feel like she’s being stabbed repeatedly in the heart. Jinsol tiredly lets her face rest against the cool surface of the table in front of her, wondering if she made the right decision of coming back.  
  
Jinsol’s in the middle of banging her head against the table while rethinking her life choices when the buzzer sounds. Her brows furrow in confusion, wondering who could be paying her a visit this late at night. With hurried steps, she walks to the front door, looking through the peephole first to check who it was. She’s surprised to see a familiar face behind the door, wondering what this friend is doing at her place at a quarter past twelve midnight. Nevertheless, Jinsol steps back and opens the door, her friend’s signature smile immediately greeting her and making her smile back.  
  
“What are you doing here at this hour, Kim Jiwoo?” Jinsol asks her friend as soon as she’s inside, locking the door once again.  
  
“I heard you bumped into Jungeun and Yerim earlier. Figured you’d want someone to talk to,” Jiwoo answers, shrugging her coat off which Jinsol takes to hang on the rack.  
  
“And you know this how? Heard from whom?” Jinsol asks with a raised eyebrow.  
  
“We have a group chat. She told everyone earlier that she and Yerim saw you at a convenience store,” Jiwoo answers with a shrug. Jinsol doesn’t know what to make of this information, so she doesn’t say anything more.  
  
The two of them make their way to the living room then, with Jinsol trailing after Jiwoo, who storms straight to the couch and plops on it facedown. With a shake of the head and an amused smile on her lips, Jinsol prods the younger woman’s legs to get her attention.  
  
“Hmmm?” Jiwoo hums in acknowledgement, not even bothering to flip onto her back to face Jinsol.  
  
“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” Jinsol asks, earning a soft grunt from Jiwoo as she finally rolls over onto her back to look at Jinsol.  
  
“Some hot choco or coffee would be nice,” Jiwoo says politely with a smile, slowly sitting up on the couch.  
  
“Alright. I don’t have hot choco yet, but I do have coffee. Let me go make us some.”  
  
Jinsol walks to the kitchen, her amused smile returning once she realizes that she’s being followed. Jiwoo really needs to learn to stop dragging her feet every time she walks. When Jinsol arrives at the kitchen, she sets off to work immediately, getting her bag of freshly ground coffee and her coffee-maker, leaving her companion to herself. The sound of a chair getting dragged against the floor alerts Jinsol of what her companion is up to, and she resists the urge to chuckle when she hears a soft plop, indicating that Jiwoo is now comfortably seated at the dining table.  
  
“So . . .” Jiwoo starts after a while spent in silence. Jinsol laughs, amused, as she finally finishes preparing their coffee.  
  
With two steaming mugs in her hold, Jinsol turns around to walk to where Jiwoo is sat, placing one in front of Jiwoo and one in front of the seat across from her. She then returns to the kitchen counter to retrieve some sugar and creamer – Jiwoo just **_can’t_** drink pure black coffee. And it’s somewhat fitting too, as Jinsol looks at Jiwoo and the smile on her face.  
  
“What do you wanna talk about?” Jinsol asks as she takes a seat in front of Jiwoo, putting some sugar and creamer into both of their mugs. Jiwoo smiles at her in thanks once she hands the younger woman her mug.  
  
Jiwoo doesn’t answer Jinsol’s question right away, opting instead to blow on the hot drink and then taking a sip, a smile gracing her features when she realizes that the taste is to her liking. Jinsol merely shrugs, letting Jiwoo take her time, as she takes a sip from her own mug. They’re halfway done with their coffee when Jiwoo decides to talk again.  
  
“How are you?”  
  
At this, Jinsol’s head cocks to the side as she looks at Jiwoo questioningly. She’s maintained contact with Jiwoo all throughout the six years that she wasn’t here, and she has been constantly updating the younger woman about herself then to put the latter at ease. Why the question then? Ah, but then again she did just saw Jungeun a few hours prior. Jiwoo must have been worried about her, and this makes Jinsol smile at her appreciatively, her heart warming at the concern being shown for her well-being.  
  
“I’m alright . . . I think? I honestly don’t know. It’s just . . . when I saw her again . . . She . . . She’s still so beautiful, and I can’t deny the fact that my heart still skipped a beat when I saw her,” Jinsol says honestly, a sad smile gracing her features. Six years and the image of Jungeun’s beautiful face is still vividly etched in her mind. When she looks up at Jiwoo, she sees her with a sad smile on her lips as well. Jinsol sighs, leaning back against her chair’s backrest and taking another sip of her coffee before continuing.  
  
“And Yerim. Yerim’s such a beautiful child. She has Jungeun’s eyes. And her smile. It was so weird because I had this sudden urge to protect her. And I just . . .” Jinsol chokes up, finding it hard to utter out loud the next words she wants to say. “Yerim . . . she’s _his_ – **_theirs_** – isn’t she?”  
  
Even though she doesn’t respond verbally, Jiwoo’s pursed lips and teary eyes are answer enough for Jinsol. She feels like she should be crying by now, yet her eyes remain dry. She must have run out of tears from all the crying she did in the past, and now all she feels is sad and empty. Jiwoo reaches across the table to hold her hand in silent support, to which Jinsol responds with a grateful smile.  
  
_“I’d be alright,”_ Jinsol thinks to herself. _“I would. Hopefully.”_  
  


* * *

  
  
After finishing their coffee, Jinsol and Jiwoo decide to move back to the living room where they can talk while being seated more comfortably. Jinsol is sat on the couch while Jiwoo sits beside her, cuddled snugly against her side. There’s soft music playing in the background, providing some sound to their otherwise tranquil surroundings. As the silence prevails between them, Jinsol couldn’t help but reminisce about their friendship. And how Jiwoo turned from just one of her friends to now her probably closest friend. It was sort of weird at first, Jinsol thinks, as she stares at the crown of Jiwoo’s head. Because even though the two of them have been friends for almost half of their lives, they haven’t been really close up until about six years ago.  
  
Jiwoo has always been the cheerful type. Always energetic, always optimistic, sometimes even to a fault. She charms everyone around her with her megawatt smiles and her bright eyes, and Jinsol honestly admires that about her. She’s beautiful and kind – and totally has a heart of gold – and it’s just so hard to dislike someone as bright and cheerful as Kim Jiwoo. She’s the epitome of cheerfulness and positivity, and one can barely say anything negative about her. Well, except maybe the fact that she can be quite obsessive sometimes, as proven by her short stalker phase more than a decade ago.  
  
Jinsol almost laughs when she remembers the very first time they all met Kim Jiwoo back in high school. Having been neighbors since childhood, Jinsol, Haseul, Sooyoung and Jungeun have all been long-time friends when they met Jiwoo. She was the same grade as Jungeun, a freshman, and two years Jinsol, Haseul and Sooyoung’s junior. She was cute, perky, and her smile was so contagious that she instantly became quite popular at their school for her pretty face and cheerful smile.  
  
Being in the same grade and in the same class, Jungeun and Jiwoo became close friends – no matter how weird their friendship might have seemed to everyone else. After all, they were like day and night: with Jiwoo as the bright and shiny sun, and Jungeun, the soft glowing moon.  
  
The first time Jungeun introduces Jiwoo to them, Jiwoo falls head over heels in love, both figuratively and literally – she still has the scar near her left eyebrow as proof – with Sooyoung at first sight. It was funny, and sort of pitiful, because Sooyoung was dating and was very much in love with senior student Wong Kahei back then. But it seems that only Jinsol and Jungeun took notice of her crush on Sooyoung, no matter how obvious she became at times.  
  
It was both amusing and painful to watch as Jiwoo became more and more infatuated with Sooyoung, who couldn’t be bothered with anyone who wasn’t Kahei back then. But when Jiwoo’s cute pining started to become a bit obsessive and borderline stalker-ish, Jinsol took it upon herself to intervene. Jiwoo was on her way to follow /stalk/ Sooyoung back home one afternoon when Jinsol held her back.  
  
_“Stop this, Jiwoo. Please. It won’t do anyone any good. It won’t do YOU any good. You’re just gonna end up hurting yourself. Please stop obsessing over Sooyoung? I just don’t want you to get hurt.”_  
  
Of course the crestfallen look on Jiwoo’s face back then made Jinsol’s heart hurt a little. She didn’t really want to hurt Jiwoo’s feelings like that, but it had to be done. Wanting to cheer up the girl somehow, Jinsol invited her for some ice cream that same afternoon. It worked somehow, with the two of them at an ice cream parlor near their school an hour later, smiles on their faces as they ate ice cream while getting to know each other better.  
  
Jinsol smiles at the memory, for it was at that day that she and Jiwoo officially became friends. Jiwoo did stop obsessing over Sooyoung after that, but Jinsol would still catch her staring at Sooyoung from time to time over the years, when she thought that no one else was looking. It actually made Jinsol feel bad, but she figured that it was for the best because Jiwoo would have ended up having her heart broken by Sooyoung instead.  
  
Jinsol is snapped out of her musings by a hand waving in front of her face. Looking to her side, she sees Jiwoo looking back at her with a pout on her lips, making Jinsol’s brow raise in question. And while she does find the sight cute – no twenty-eight-year-old should be that cute still, it’s just illegal – she merely rolls her eyes playfully, making Jiwoo smack her lightly on the arm.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes Ms. Jung,” Jiwoo says with a huff, detaching herself from Jinsol’s side so she can lie down on the couch, her head resting on the armrest while she draped her legs very comfortably over Jinsol’s lap. “What’s got your mind so occupied, hmmm?”  
  
Jinsol rests her head against the couch’s backrest, staring at the ceiling as her hands unconsciously traced light patterns across Jiwoo’s legs. Jiwoo doesn’t say anything, doesn’t make her stop, and just lets her gather her thoughts. For this, Jinsol is thankful.  
  
“Nothing much. Just some things from the past. Hey, y’know . . . “  
  
“Hmmm?”  
  
“I never really got to thank you personally, properly. For, you know, looking after my parents when I was away.” Jinsol shifts from her seat, trying to find a position she’s comfortable in. She feels more than sees Jiwoo staring at her face, but she doesn’t turn to look at the younger woman lest she gets shy and clam up. She needs Jiwoo to know just how thankful she is for her.  
  
“Thank you for trying to check up on me and my parents constantly, for being there for me when I had no one else to turn to. Thank you for always visiting them and cheering them up. Thank you . . . for taking care of my father when he was sick up until the day he passed away, for staying with my mother after that until her own passing, for taking care of things here after my mother’s burial while I flew away to someplace far, far away to escape. Thank you so, so much Jiwoo. I owe you a lot.”  
  
Jiwoo doesn’t respond right away, so Jinsol finally turns to look at her in curiosity, only to find Jiwoo staring at her with sad eyes and a sad smile. The mention of her parents must have pained Jiwoo too, for she has become close to the couple after spending a lot of time with them the past couple of years. Jinsol smiles in understanding, patting Jiwoo’s leg comfortingly. Jinsol does recall her parents, especially her father, gushing about adorable little Jiwoo every time she called to check in on them. It’s like Jiwoo has become the little sister that Jinsol never had.  
  
“It’s no problem at all,” Jiwoo says, voice shaky and thick with emotion. Jinsol reaches for her hand and holds it, hoping that the contact would bring comfort to her also aching heart as much as it would Jiwoo’s. “Your parents were good people, and I’m thankful I got to know them. I really loved them, you know. And I consider them, and you, my family too.”  
  
Jiwoo’s words bring a smile to Jinsol’s lips as she closes her eyes and lets herself remember all the good memories she has of her parents. Jiwoo seems to be doing the same, and they spend the next couple of minutes in silence, each getting lost in her own thoughts. It’s Jiwoo who breaks the silence after a while though, sitting up so that she’s facing Jinsol.  
  
“We’ll all be having lunch tomorrow. Me, Sooyoung, Haseul, Kahei, Jungeun and all of the kids. I already told you that last week but I am just making sure I remind you. You’re gonna come too, right?” Jinsol could hear the fake cheerfulness in Jiwoo’s voice but doesn’t comment on it. She is thankful to Jiwoo, for she knows that this is the younger woman’s own way of trying to lighten the mood.  
  
Jinsol opens her eyes to look at her companion, reaching a hand up to flick Jiwoo on the forehead. The latter yelps, falling on her back on the couch once again while cradling the sore spot.  
  
“Yah! What was that for?! It hurts!”  
  
“I’m just paying you back for trying to trick me earlier. You claimed in your text that _’everyone’s excited to see me’_ to convince me to come, didn’t you? Yet you haven’t even told them that I’m back. If it wasn’t for Jungeun, all of them would still be none the wiser about my return.”  
  
“Huh? Eh? I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
  
“Psh. Don’t lie to me Kim Jiwoo. I have receipts. It’s literally on our chat history. You never planned on telling them about my return until I show up to that lunch, right? To surprise them.”  
  
Jiwoo purses her lips as she sinks back on the couch, looking very much like a reprimanded child that it just made Jinsol laugh out loud. This reaction brings out the whines though, as Jiwoo sits up once again to hit Jinsol’s arms repeatedly, mumbling something about _‘foiled plans’_ and _‘should-have-been-great surprises’_.  
  
“Seriously though, don’t you want to come?” Jiwoo asks once they’re done fooling around. Jinsol merely shrugs her shoulders.  
  
“I’m not really sure if I’m still welcome,” Jinsol says as nonchalantly as she can. “I mean, the last time I saw all of them, they collectively kicked me out of Haseul's place. Totally not a fond memory of mine, mind you.”  
  
“Ah. I remember that. Still sucks that I wasn't there to try and stop them from doing that to you. I mean, I wasn’t taking any sides. I’m still not taking any sides now, you’re both my friends. But the others should have tried to hear your side first too,” Jiwoo sighs, resting her head on Jinsol’s shoulder.  
  
“Nah. It’s not your fault. You had that job interview, remember? It was your first job, so you had to be there. Be thankful though. That day was totally messy.”  
  
“Still makes me feel like a sucky friend. Though I may have ranted at them for a bit after I found out what happened. They totally regret what they did though. Especially since they haven’t even seen you since then. They all feel guilty. I think Sooyoung feels guilty the most, being your best friend and all.”  
  
The corners of Jinsol’s lips turn up into a wry smile as she rests her cheek against the top of Jiwoo’s head. Memories from that day are always accompanied by feelings of bitterness and betrayal. That’s why Jinsol tries her best to not think of that particular memory. She remembers the pain of betrayal and the hatred she felt for the people she considered her best friends, and while the Jinsol from six – maybe even five or four – years ago would still hold onto the pain and the hate, the Jinsol of now has learned to let go. Besides, after thinking things through again and again over the years, Jinsol realized that she was, to some extent, at fault as well.  
  
“I’d talk to all of them. In due time. I just think I'm still not ready yet. Not now, at least. I might say things that I might regret.”  
  
“Fair enough. Okay then, I’m not gonna force you to come anytime we’d all meet up.”  
  
“Thanks. By the way, how are the kids? It’s been a while since you’ve updated me on all of them – well, almost all of them.”  
  
“Ah. I only wasn’t able to update you because you were gone for a whole year, and the only communication I had with you was the monthly messages you sent me informing me of your whereabouts. And you know why I never mentioned anything about . . .”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. So? The kids? How are they?”  
  
“Well, Chaewon is growing well. She’s six now. Oh, and Haseul and Kahei adopted two girls roughly a year ago. I think it was just a couple of weeks after you left for Europe. The kids are actually biological sisters. Hyunjin is the same age as Chaewon and Hyejoo is five. The same age as Yerim.”  
  
At the mention of Yerim’s name, Jinsol visibly tenses up. Jiwoo actually feels bad for the older woman. She remembers the first time she met Jinsol and their other friends all those years ago, and how – as she got to know all of them better with time – she thought that Jinsol and Jungeun would end up together for a long time, maybe even forever, with how in love they were with each other.  
  
Fast forward to now, roughly thirteen years later, and they aren't even together anymore. Jinsol has been gone from Korea for six long years after their breakup, now orphaned and has just come back from a year of travelling and trying to fix her broken heart, very much reluctant to see their other friends after all of them, save for Jiwoo, took Jungeun’s side during said breakup. Jungeun on the other hand . . .  
  
Jungeun is now the mother of cute little five-year-old Yerim and married to the guy she has chosen over Jinsol. It all just feels so, so wrong to Jiwoo. Jinsol and Jungeun were – ARE – soulmates and oh, what she’d do to have them back together again.  
  
Sometimes, Jiwoo would catch herself imagining another universe, one where Jinsol and Jungeun don't break up, where they are Yerim’s parents and Jinsol’s parents are still very much alive to baby and spoil little Yerim.  
  
Now, looking at the solemn expression on Jinsol’s face and the glazed look in her eyes, Jiwoo can only sigh.  
  
Oh how Jiwoo wishes that her made-up universe was reality instead.  
  


* * *

  
  
It’s almost three in the morning when Jiwoo gets back to the apartment she lives in with Sooyoung and Chaewon. After unbuckling her seatbelt, Jiwoo leans over the console to hug Jinsol, who insisted on driving her back home. Jinsol hugs her back just as tightly, ruffling her hair when they pull away. Jiwoo then gets out of the car, standing by the building’s entrance and waving at Jinsol one last time as she watches her drive away. Jiwoo stands there for a while, looking after Jinsol’s car and not going inside until it disappears from sight. Only then does she enter the building.  
  
Their whole apartment is plunged in darkness when Jiwoo enters. And she was about to head to her room when she takes notice of the big lump on the couch. Slowly, she tiptoes to the couch, making as minimal noise as she can so as not to wake the sleeping person. Jiwoo was about to crouch down and wake her up when she hears crying from one of the rooms. She quickly makes her way to Chaewon’s room, feeling the walls once she opens the door to turn on the lights. The sight that greets her tugs at her heartstrings, with Chaewon sat at the middle of her bed, crying softly as she rubbed at the tears in her eyes. Jiwoo quickly heads to the bed to hold the whimpering Chaewon in her arms.  
  
“Ssshhh. Stop crying baby. What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?” Jiwoo coos, trying to soothe Chaewon, who finally stops whimpering and buries her face into the crook of Jiwoo’s neck. Chaewon hugs Jiwoo tight, like she’s afraid of letting go, so Jiwoo gently rubs her back to comfort her.  
  
A small smile paints Jiwoo’s lips. Chaewon has always been a sweet girl, but she’s extra clingy and sweet when it comes to Jiwoo, and Jiwoo just couldn’t help but love Chaewon with all her heart. Chaewon might not be hers, and Sooyoung might not be her girlfriend or her wife, but Jiwoo has been treating Chaewon like she was her own ever since she was born. A small smile tugs at Jiwoo’s lips as she remembers the day Chaewon was born. A lot of things have changed in Jiwoo’s life, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. Sooyoung might not love her the way she wants her to, but at least Jiwoo has Chaewon to focus on. She is, after all, Sooyoung’s daughter.  
  
When Chaewon finally calms down, Jiwoo pulls back a little to look the little kid in the eyes. There’s a pout on Chaewon’s lips, and it’s so adorable that Jiwoo has to restrain herself lest she coddles the kid, who is obviously in need of some words of comfort and reassurance.  
  
“Did you have nightmares, sweetheart?” Jiwoo asks, to which Chaewon answers with a nod, her bottom lip starting to quiver again.  
  
“Hey, hey. It’s just a dream, okay? It’s not real, so don’t cry anymore please?”  
  
“B-but, it felt so real. I don’t like that dream. I don’t want it to happen.”  
  
“What kind of dream was it then?”  
  
“You.”  
  
“Huh? Me? What?”  
  
“In . . . In my dream . . . You left mommy and me. Please don’t leave Jiwoo. I don’t want you to leave. I love you. And mommy loves you too. Please stay with us forever.”  
  
Jiwoo feels like her heart is about to burst with so much love for this kid as she pulls Chaewon into another tight hug. She rocks them gently from side to side, whispering words of comfort – and promises of never leaving – to Chaewon, who is slowly falling back to sleep.  
  
It takes a couple more minutes of gentle rocking and humming before Chaewon is asleep again, and Jiwoo very gently lays her back on the bed. Jiwoo takes a moment to just softly caress Chaewon’s cheeks and admire her serene sleeping face. Leaning down, Jiwoo plants a soft kiss on Chaewon’s forehead before she quietly leaves the room.  
  
“Where have you been?”  
  
Jiwoo yelps as she almost slams the door of Chaewon’s room shut at the sound of that voice and the turning on of the lights. Clutching her chest to try to calm her rapidly beating heart, Jiwoo slowly turns around to face Sooyoung who is standing by the couch with her arms crossed over her chest. Sooyoung doesn’t look like she’s mad, Jiwoo laments, so she tries to relax a little as she slowly walks closer to the older woman. Sooyoung takes a seat on the couch, patting the space beside her so Jiwoo takes a seat as well. Jiwoo’s heart almost leaps out of her chest when Sooyoung leans her head on her shoulder.  
  
“I, uh, I w-was worried about Jinsol so I, um, I decided to c-check up on her.”  
  
Jiwoo almost face palms at her stuttering. _Way to be too obvious, Kim Jiwoo_. She and Sooyoung have been living in the same apartment for seven years yet she’s still a nervous wreck whenever Sooyoung’s in close proximity like this. Jiwoo freezes on her spot when Sooyoung turns her head and she could feel the latter’s breath against her neck. Sooyoung doesn’t say anything more, and the two of them just stay like that for a while. No one talks, so Jiwoo is left with her thoughts.  
  
Thirteen years and Jiwoo is still very much in love with Sooyoung. It’s not like she didn’t try moving on and trying to love someone else, but she always finds herself going back to Sooyoung in the end, no matter what. Jiwoo still loved Sooyoung even when the latter was still with Kahei and everyone and their mothers thought that the two were perfect for each other. She still loved Sooyoung even after she and Kahei broke up, months after Sooyoung graduated from college. And even after Sooyoung began wilding out in clubs and changed lovers like she was changing her clothes, Jiwoo remained silently loving her while also being a good friend to her.  
  
Sooyoung stopped going out to clubs every other night for hook ups and getting herself drunk a year after she and Kahei broke up. And Jiwoo and their friends only found out why two months later; Sooyoung has gotten herself so drunk that night and she ended up sleeping with a guy. Fast forward to two months later, and Sooyoung was already two months pregnant with Chaewon.  
  
Jiwoo sighs as she remembers that day. It hurt like hell and she felt like throwing herself off a cliff when Sooyoung told them about her condition. And even after finding out that Sooyoung is going to be a mother soon, Jiwoo loved her still. With Sooyoung living alone in Korea, for her parents have moved to another country years before, Jiwoo decided to take Sooyoung in despite her own heartbreak. She was more worried about Sooyoung not having anyone to take care of her whilst pregnant than her own pain.  
  
Jiwoo is broken from her thoughts when she feels Sooyoung shift against her. Turning to look at what Sooyoung is doing, Jiwoo turns into a complete statue when she realizes how close their faces are. Jiwoo’s heart is beating a million miles a minute as she found herself staring right into Sooyoung’s dark eyes. _‘How beautiful’_ is all Jiwoo can think, as she remained staring at Sooyoung.  
  
“Did you mean what you said?” Sooyoung asks, and Jiwoo’s gaze flickers to her lips. Jiwoo gulps.  
  
“I . . . W-what?”  
  
“When you told Chaewon that you’re never gonna leave, did you mean that?”  
  
Oh. Was she watching Jiwoo and Chaewon earlier?  
  
“O-of course. As long as the two of you still want me here, then I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
And Jiwoo means every word. For she is willing to stay by Sooyoung’s and Chaewon’s side for as long as they want her to. Hell, she’s willing to do anything for those two. She almost slipped and told Sooyoung that she loves both her and Chaewon very much, but she stops herself in time. There’s no use burdening Sooyoung with her feelings for she knows that Sooyoung will never feel the same for her anyway. Jiwoo turns her head and averts her gaze, suddenly feeling sad. Jiwoo’s thought process stops, and her brain short circuits, when Sooyoung gently tilts her chin up and leans in and to capture her lips in a soft kiss.  
  
_Oh._  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some facts about the story to make it easier for all of us. The members have been aged up/aged down to fit the plot of the story. Basically, Vivi here is 31; Yves, Jinsoul and Haseul 30; Kim Lip and Chuu are 28; Heejin, Hyunjin and Gowon are 6; Choerry and Olivia are 5; and Yeojin isn’t born yet (as of this chapter). If you have any questions regarding the story, please feel free to comment and I will answer to the best of my abilities. Without spoiling too much, that is ;)


	3. Reminisce (Part I)

_Six Years Ago . . ._  
  
A tired sigh falls from Jinsol’s lips as she lets her body plop down on her couch. She closes her eyes, heart sinking at the feeling of being all alone. She contemplates calling Jiwoo, but then remembers that Sooyoung is in the final months of her pregnancy. Jiwoo already has a lot on her plate, so Jinsol shouldn’t add to the younger woman’s worries anymore. There was a time when Jinsol wouldn’t come home to an empty apartment, when she would be greeted with warm, loving smiles and the tightest of hugs after a long day at work. There was a time when she looked forward to coming home from work instead of dreading it, when this cold, dreary apartment was considered a home instead of just a place where she eats and sleeps.  
  
A lone tears rolls down Jinsol’s cheek, followed by another, and another until the tears just won’t stop falling as she curls in on herself, letting the sobs wrack her body as she lets her tears out. She misses Jungeun, very much so, and things just aren’t the same without her. Jungeun wasn’t only a girlfriend to Jinsol. She considers the younger woman her other half, her better half, her soulmate, and Jinsol just feels so alone, incomplete, and empty without her here. It’s been three months since they took a break from their relationship, a cool-off as Jungeun called it, and it’s been three months since Jinsol began feeling like life has lost its meaning.  
  
Jinsol still feels quite bitter about their break, for she knows that she’s also at fault for it. After all, she became too busy to even notice that they have begun drifting apart. But it’s also unfair that all of her friends, aside from Jiwoo, blame her solely for the unexpected turn of their relationship. Sure, Jinsol has been very busy with her work the past few months, but she did her best to try making their relationship work despite being busy. It’s not all on her because, no matter how painful it is to admit, Jinsol _knows_ that things between her and Jungeun have changed – that Jungeun’s _feelings_ have changed. She just refused to acknowledge it before, because she didn’t want to believe that the love of her life just might possibly not love her the same anymore.  
  
But now, here they are. Three months of no communication, no seeing each other. Three months of pure torture. Jinsol misses Jungeun, misses hearing her voice, misses the feeling of having her in her arms, misses the feeling of pure happiness with just a smile being directed at her. They’ve been together for six years, been friends their whole lives, and life is never the same without Jungeun by her side.  
  
She just wants Jungeun back.  
  
Is that too much to ask for?  
  


* * *

  
  
Jinsol finds out about **_him_** about a month later. They’re all at Haseul’s house, except for Jiwoo who had an important job interview that day, for their weekly get-together when **_he_** shows up unannounced. Jinsol was standing a couple of feet away from the others, subtly stealing glances at Jungeun who was busy chatting with Sooyoung and Haseul, and wondering why she still bothered to come when her friends don’t even acknowledge her presence. Imagine her surprise when **_he_** walks in, goes straight to Jungeun and pecks her on the lips. Jinsol almost drops her glass of juice, for she feels like her heart has been ripped out of her chest after seeing Jungeun being kissed by someone else.  
  
This is a pain unlike any other, Jinsol thinks, as her gaze flits between her friends, all of them refusing to meet her gaze. Jinsol feels betrayed, for her friends didn’t look surprised by **_his_** presence at all – meaning that they all knew about this. Tears quickly spring up her eyes, and Jinsol runs to the bathroom before any of them can see her cry. She feels pathetic and utterly stupid as she locks herself inside Haseul’s bathroom, sat on the ground with her back leaning against the door, with her stupid tears not letting up. There’s a knock on the door a couple of minutes later, and Jinsol bites her hand to stop herself from making any sounds.  
  
“Jinsol?”  
  
Jinsol freezes on her spot, recognizing the voice immediately. Her tears flow even more, her teeth sinking deeper into her skin that she wouldn’t be surprised if she draws blood. She hates how, despite the pain, her heart still skips a beat upon hearing that voice utter her name.  
  
“Jinsol, please open the door. Let me explain,” Jungeun pleads behind the door, yet Jinsol doesn’t move at all. It hurts, everything hurts, and she prays to a God she somehow doesn’t even believe in for all of this to just be a nightmare.  
  
There’s another knock, followed by muffled voices. She then hears jiggling sounds of what seems to be keys, and she stands up just in time for the door to open, revealing Jungeun and Haseul, with Sooyoung and Vivi not far behind. Jinsol feels trapped, cornered, so she pushes past Haseul and Jungeun, determined to leave the house and maybe drive her car into the ocean. Whatever, she just wants to get away from here.  
  
Her plans are foiled though, by a hand grabbing her arm and pulling her back. She sees the stern look on Haseul’s face, scoffs, then tries to pry the other woman’s hand away. But Haseul’s grip is tight, and Jinsol suddenly feels too tired to keep trying to free herself. She’s tired, much too tired, and she’s hurt and angry.  
  
Jinsol can't think straight. Her mind is clouded by anger, pain, and betrayal. How can they all do this to her? How can _Jungeun_ do this to her? She thought their break was temporary, that the reason Jungeun asked for it was because she just needed some time for herself. That’s why Jinsol gave her what she wanted. She had no idea that Jungeun had been secretly seeing a guy all this time. And their friends knew? Jinsol turns to look at Sooyoung – her supposed _best friend_ – and Sooyoung flinches at her sharp glare, averting her gaze. Jinsol scoffs. Some best friend Sooyoung is.  
  
“So all this time, I’ve just been making a fool of myself?! For fuck’s sake, why didn’t you just tell me?!” Jinsol all but shouts, causing everyone to flinch. In all of the years of them being friends, this is the first time any of them has seen Jinsol this angry. They honestly don’t know how to deal with this Jinsol without agitating her even more.  
  
“Jinsol, calm down please. Let Jungeun explain,” Kahei says in a soothing voice, an attempt to calm Jinsol. And while it has been always effective before, Jinsol is too tired and angry right now to care.  
  
“What’s there to explain? It’s too fucking clear to me already,” Jinsol responds spitefully. She turns to face Haseul, glaring angrily at her same-aged friend - something she has never done before. “Let go of me before I do something I might regret,” Jinsol says through gritted teeth. Haseul lets go almost immediately.  
  
With one final scoff, Jinsol spins on her heels, ready to storm out of that place. But Haseul speaks up, making Jinsol stop in her tracks and turn around to face her with clenched jaws.  
  
“Stop being an immature jerk and just listen to Jungeun’s explanation Jinsol.”  
  
“ ** _I’m_** being an immature jerk?! **_Me?!_** Really now? I wasn't the one going behind **_her_** back seeing someone else.” Jinsol snaps, voice dripping with anger and bitterness as she turns her glare to Jungeun, who flinches and turns her gaze to the ground.  
  
“Hey! The fuck is wrong with you?! Stop acting like this is all Jungeun's fault when you’re the one to blame for the state of your relationship in the first place.”  
  
Haseul’s words hit her hard, and they hurt so Jinsol is speechless for a while. She can feel the prickling of incoming tears in her eyes, and the lump lodging her throat making it harder to speak. Trying her best to hold herself back from crying in front of her so-called friends, Jinsol focuses on the anger she’s feeling, just so she won’t break down. With jaws clenched so tightly, she grabs Haseul's collar, mustering all of her remaining self-restraint to not hit the other woman.  
  
“You. Don’t. Fucking. Know. Shit. So stop pretending like you do!”  
  
“Enough!”  
  
All eyes turn towards Sooyoung, who is gently cradling her huge baby bump. She looks stressed, and even though Jinsol is pissed as hell at her right now, she doesn't want to be the cause of something happening to Sooyoung and her baby. Slowly, Jinsol lets go of Haseul, taking a step back and breathing deeply to calm herself. There’s a few moments spent in tense silence before Sooyoung speaks again, but her words merely adds to Jinsol’s broken trust, heart and ego.  
  
“Jinsol, if you’re going to be like that, then I think it’s best that you just go home. Try to calm down first and talk to Jungeun once your head is clear.”  
  
“Yeah. Sort yourself out first, you big idiot. And realize that you did all of this to yourself,” Haseul adds bitterly.  
  
“Haseul!” Kahei reprimands quickly. She frowns disappointedly at Haseul before turning towards Jinsol with an apologetic look in her eyes. “I’m sorry Jinsol, but I think Sooyoung is right. Try to calm down and clear your head first, please? So that you and Jungeun can talk properly.”  
  
Feeling ganged up on, Jinsol scoffs again, using her anger as a mask to hide the pain she's feeling. With her whole body shaking, she looks at them in the eyes one by one, committing this moment to memory. She will never forget the day that the most important people in her life all turned their backs on her. Never. When she gets to Jungeun, she notices the younger woman's slouched stance, and how her hands are placed protectively over her stomach – the same stance Sooyoung had a mere moment ago. Jinsol feels her heart break even more at the realization, and a hollow laugh bubbles up from her chest as her tears finally fall.  
  
Nothing.  
  
She feels absolutely nothing, because Jungeun and their friends have managed to successfully push her to her breaking point. She’s hurt so much to the point that she can’t feel anything anymore. She sees Haseul, Sooyoung, Kahei and even Jungeun look at her worriedly, yet she continues to laugh. For she just might scream her head off otherwise.  
  
“Fine,” Jinsol says after she’s somewhat calmed down, voice hollow and emotionless. She sees the immediate worry in their eyes, and she sort of understands why. She can’t even recognize her own voice. “You want me gone, right? Alright. You’ll all get your wish. You won’t be seeing me again after today.”  
  
With that, Jinsol turns on her heels and hurries out of Haseul's house. She hears someone – most probably Kahei – calling after her, but Jinsol doesn’t even bother stopping or looking back.  
  
True to her word, that was the last time Jungeun, Sooyoung Kahei and Haseul saw Jinsol in years.  
  


* * *

  
  
_Present._  
  
Jinsol’s reminiscing is cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing. Getting up from the floor of her room, where she was sorting through the old photos she saw inside her dresser while cleaning up, she makes her way downstairs to see who it was at the door. A wide smile blooms on Jinsol’s lips once she opens the door, as she is greeted by a small bundle of energy running straight into her, wrapping her short arms around her legs in a tight hug.  
  
“Someone’s happy to see me,” Jinsol comments amusedly, crouching down so that she can pick up the little newcomer in her arms.  
  
“Mommy! I missed you!”  
  
Jinsol chuckles, pecking the little girl’s chubby cheek as she turns to look at her cousin standing a couple of feet away, looking at them with amused fondness in her eyes.  
  
“Hey Mimi. Thanks for taking care of Heejin for me,” Jinsol tells her cousin, who finally walks towards them, handing Jinsol Heejin’s bag.  
  
Mimi merely shrugs, ruffling Heejin’s hair and causing the little girl to whine. She then leans over so that she can peck Heejin’s cheek. Heejin chuckles, grabbing Mimi’s face with her small hands and leaning forward to peck Mimi on the lips.  
  
“Love you Aunt Mimi,” Heejin says as Mimi laughs merrily right after, while Jinsol merely watches on with a fond smile on her lips.  
  
“It was no problem. You know Bora and I love her too much. We can babysit this little cutie anytime. In fact, I think Bora would be more than happy to have her over all the time.”  
  
“Thank you. Wanna come inside first? I’d go get you a drink,” Jinsol offers, but Mimi just shakes her head.  
  
“As much as I’d love to, I promised Bora that I’d head back as soon as I bring Heejin here. I’m kind’a anxious too, because I left her with Eunwoo and Eunji since Yebin and Naeun went out for some grocery shopping.”  
  
The corner of Jinsol’s lips turns up into a half-smirk at the mention of her other cousins’ names. Mimi, Eunwoo, and Eunji are all trouble on their own. But together, they’re a spell for disaster so Jinsol understands Mimi’s anxiety, especially now that her wife is on her seventh month of pregnancy.  
  
“Alright then, we won’t keep you for long. Hurry back safely to your wife. And please do say hi to the two idiots for me.” She then turns to Heejin. “Say bye-bye to Aunt Mimi sweetie.”  
  
“Bye-bye Auntie! Love you!”  
  
“Awww, I love you too sweetheart. Be sure to visit us again, okay? Aunt Bora would like that.”  
  
With one final peck to Heejin’s cheek and after pinching Jinsol’s cheek, Mimi heads back to her car. Jinsol and Heejin stay by the front door watching as Mimi drove away. They only come inside, with Heejin still in Jinsol’s arms, when Mimi’s car is finally out of sight. They go straight to the living room, Jinsol taking a seat on the couch with Heejin sat on her lap.  
  
A smile makes its way to Jinsol’s lips as she gently combs her fingers through Heejin’s dark hair. She had Heejin stay over at Mimi’s and Bora’s place the past two days while she cleaned up here. Heejin might not be hers biologically, but she loves and treats the little girl as if she was her own anyway. Heejin is the daughter of a friend of Jinsol’s back in LA. Jeon Heeyeon was the only person who managed to get close to Jinsol when she was still in LA, having met at Jinsol’s favorite café near her workplace. They became close almost instantly, after discovering their common love for music and art.  
  
Heeyeon was already pregnant with Heejin when Jinsol met her, living all alone in a dingy apartment after her good-for-nothing boyfriend ditched her once he found out about Heeyeon being pregnant. Being an orphan since she was a child, Heeyeon had no one else to call family, so Jinsol took it upon herself to take care of Heeyeon and her then-still-unborn child. She persuaded Heeyeon to live with her – _“Please Heeyeonnie? For my peace of mind? I just wanna make sure that you both are well-taken care of”_. And Jinsol did take good care of both Heeyeon and her baby, up until Heeyeon gave birth.  
  
Jinsol has made so many good memories with Heeyeon, from getting up at insane hours of the night to go hunt for the food that Heeyeon’s craving for, to accompanying her to those yoga sessions that Jinsol’s co-workers suggested were good for pregnant women. And even accompanying Heeyeon to her OB – where she got the chance to hear Heejin’s heartbeat for the first time, and finding out Heejin’s gender after she reached the fifth month. Heeyeon even let Jinsol choose Heejin’s name – a combination of both their names. These are all precious memories and Jinsol would forever treasure them in her heart.  
  
If she wasn’t still so in love with Jungeun back then, Jinsol would have fallen madly in love with Heeyeon. But life, as it always has, turned out to have different plans for them. Things didn’t go as planned when Heeyeon was in delivery. She was only able to hold and kiss Heejin once and write some sort of will after giving birth. Roughly about twenty four hours after Heejin’s delivery, Heeyeon passed away due to some complications that Jinsol had difficulty understanding.  
  
Left with a broken heart and the sole responsibility for Heejin, Jinsol had no other choice but to move on. Jinsol adopted Heejin officially, even after Heeyeon declared her to be Heejin’s legal guardian after her passing. And Jinsol decided to let Heejin keep her mother’s last name, opting to let Heejin choose if she’d want to have it changed to Jung when she’s old enough. It still quite hurts when she remembers Heeyeon, but Jinsol has made sure that Heejin would know her mother growing up. That’s why Jinsol always makes sure that they regularly watch the home videos that she and Heeyeon recorded while the latter was still pregnant with Heejin, so that Heejin would know how a great and loving person her mother was.  
  
“Mommy! Mommy!”  
  
Heejin bounces on her lap, making Jinsol chuckle as she wraps her arms tightly around Heejin to keep her still. Heejin laughs, loud and merry, as she squirms to get out of Jinsol’s hold.  
  
“Mommyyyyyy~”  
  
“Yes sweetie? What do you want?”  
  
“I wanna see Mama Jiwoo.”  
  
Jinsol freezes up at this, for she remembers that Jiwoo would be out with Haseul, Kahei, Sooyoung, Jungeun and the kids that day. She wanted to say no, wanted to make an excuse so that Heejin would change her mind. But Heejin already has that cute pout on her lips, her eyes a little wider than usual, pleading, begging for Jinsol’s approval, and Jinsol can see that certain look of determination in her eyes. With a sigh, Jinsol closes her eyes. She really needs to learn how to say no to her daughter.  
  
“Fine. Let me call her first though, ‘cause I’m pretty certain she’s out right now.”  
  
Jinsol takes her phone out of her pocket, dialing Jiwoo’s number as she resumes combing her fingers through Heejin’s hair. She hears the ringing from the other end of the line, and she doesn’t even have to wait lone for Jiwoo picks up after the third ring.  
  
 _“Hello?”_  
  
“Jiwoo. Hey.”  
  
 _“Oh! Jinsol? Why’d you call?”_  
  
“Are you still out with the others right now?”  
  
 _“Uh. Yeah. Why? They decided to continue this lunch until dinner, so we’re heading to Haseul’s in a while.”_  
  
“Ahhh . . . Um, the thing is . . . Heejin’s here already. And she kind’a wants to see you. Can we . . . Um . . . are we allowed to come over? We’ll be quick, promise! Heejin just really wants to see you. We can leave right after, and I’ll just take her to the mall to distract her.”  
  
There was no answer for a while, and Jinsol can hear muffled voices over the line, as if Jiwoo was talking to someone. She swears she hears someone shriek in the background, and she was just about to ask Jiwoo about it when Jiwoo began to speak again.  
  
 _“I just asked Haseul, and yeah. She says you’re more than welcome to go there. I guess I’ll be seeing you then?”_ Jinsol can practically hear the smile in Jiwoo’s voice, and she has to hold back from rolling her eyes in response. Typical Jiwoo.  
  
“Great. Uh . . .See you then.”  
  
Jinsol then hangs up, heaving a deep sigh. Looks like she’d be seeing her friends sooner than she’d like.”  
  



	4. Reminisce (Part II)

A small smile paints Jinsol’s lips as she tears her gaze from the road for a moment, taking a quick glance at her daughter who’s sat at the passenger seat. Heejin has been bouncing with excitement the moment Jinsol agreed to meet with Jiwoo, but the little cutie has fallen asleep fifteen minutes into the car ride. Jinsol feels warmth slowly creeping from her chest throughout her whole being as her fondness for Heejin only deepens. Heejin is such a beautiful kid, who’s starting to resemble Heeyeon more and more with each passing day. Jinsol feels a small tug at her heartstrings as she focuses on the road once again, for Heejin’s antics: from the way she laughs to the way her nose crinkles when she smiles, just prove that she’s Heeyeon’s daughter through and through. 

  
  


Sometimes, looking at Heejin makes Jinsol miss Heeyeon. Heejin would smile that adorable smile of hers and Jinsol would see Heeyeon in her. It’s been roughly five years since Heeyeon has left them, but sometimes, Jinsol would still find herself seeking Heeyeon’s presence – her comforting smiles, her loving hugs, and her encouraging words of wisdom. Sometimes, Jinsol would find herself staring sadly at Heejin, her heart hurting for the little child. Who never got the chance to know the mother who carried her in her womb for months and loved her as if she was her whole world. Jinsol’s heart would break every time she imagines beautiful little Heejin in Heeyeon’s arms, with the mother-and-daughter pair smiling happily at each other, content and hearts filled with nothing but joy and love. Jinsol would move heaven and earth just to get a chance to witness that. 

  
  


The familiar sight of Haseul’s house a couple of blocks down the road distracts Jinsol from her thoughts. Sighing, she dials Jiwoo’s number on her phone and puts the call on speaker as she slows down her car’s pace. As if already waiting for her call, Jiwoo picks up a little after the second ring. Jinsol’s brow lifts in amusement.

  
  


_“Jinsol.”_

  
  


“Hey Jiwoo. We’re almost there. Haseul’s house is in view. I can see the driveway already occupied so I’m gonna be parking by the curb. Is that okay?”

  
  


_“Ah. Those are our cars. I think it’s okay, though. I’m gonna come out to meet you then. See you in a while Jinsol.”_

  
  


“Yeah. See you in a while.”

  
  


Jinsol expels a deep breath as she finally pulls over in front of Haseul’s house. Aside from the fresh coat of paint on the walls, and a little playground she spies near the side of the house, it’s still pretty much the same old house that Jinsol and all of her friends used to hang out at when they were younger. She sees Jiwoo come out the front door as soon as she turns off her car’s engine, and a smile automatically graces her lips at the enthusiastic wave and wide smile Jiwoo is directing at them.

  
  


With a shake of the head, Jinsol unbuckles her seatbelt and alights the vehicle, rounding to the other side to open Heejin’s door and carry the child in her arms. After securing Heejin in her hold, Jinsol kicks her car door close before proceeding to walk towards Jiwoo, who was waiting for them by the porch with a huge grin on her face. Jiwoo excitedly walks towards them to meet them halfway. 

  
  


“You actually came,” is Jiwoo’s greeting as soon as Jinsol is a mere couple of feet away. Jinsol rolls her eyes in response.

  
  


“Hello Jinsol. How are you Jinsol? Oh, I’m fine, thanks for asking,” Jinsol says mockingly as she walks closer, to which Jiwoo responds with a hit to her upper left arm.

  
  


“Dork. Anyway, I’m really surprised you came. I mean, just yesterday . . .”

  
  


“Yeah, yeah. But Heejin really wanted to see you, and you know I’d do anything for this little ball of sunshine.”

  
  


Jinsol hugs Heejin a little bit tighter, kisses the side of the child’s head as Heejin stirs in her sleep. Heejin gave Jinsol a reason to push forward and not give up when life got too rough, giving her the comfort and motivation that no one else can. Heejin made her realize that there is still more to life than the heartbreaks and hardships, made her appreciate the little things in life that she failed to take notice of before Heejin came to her life. The little child’s innocence, her smile and her laugh, brought warmth and joy to Jinsol’s heart, and Jinsol would do everything in her power to make sure that Heejin would always be happy, that she would feel loved and appreciated despite everything that she has been through at such a young age. Heejin’s happiness and well-being has become Jinsol’s top priority ever since she was born.

  
  


When Jinsol looks at Jiwoo, there’s a fond smile on the younger woman’s lips as she looked at her and Heejin. “What?” Jinsol asks, adjusting Heejin’s position so that the child is more comfortable in her hold. Jiwoo shakes her head slightly, smile still on her lips.

  
  


“Nothing much. It’s just adorable, and kind’a endearing, how much you love Heejin,” Jiwoo directs back at Jinsol, her soft gaze pinned on Heejin’s sleeping form.

  
  


“I’d do anything for her, you know that already,” Jinsol answers with a ghost of a smile on her lips. “She’s all that I have now, and I’ll do everything in my power to always make her happy.” 

  
  


Jiwoo doesn’t answer for a while, just taking the time to look at Jinsol and Heejin with that look of fondness still in her eyes. Jinsol, albeit a little bit weirded out by her friend’s behavior, just lets her stare though. Jiwoo has always been a bit weird, even back when they were in high school, and Jinsol has learned to just not question her about it. 

  
  


“You know,” Jiwoo starts after a while spent in silence. “I never actually told you this yet, but you’ve really changed a lot since you left.”

  
  


Jinsol’s brows furrow at this as she shifts her arms again because they’re starting to get tired from carrying Heejin. Jiwoo takes notice, so she gestures for Jinsol to follow her to the chairs situated at the front porch of Haseul’s house. A relieved sigh escapes Jinsol’s lips as she sits down, adjusting Heejin’s position so that the little girl’s body is lying on her lap.

  
  


“You’re getting old, Miss Jung,” Jiwoo teases with a laugh, to which Jinsol responds with a scoff.

  
  


“Shut it Jiwoo. Heejin’s a growing kid. She’s not a toddler anymore, okay? So she’s quite heavier than the last time you actually held her you idiot.”

  
  


“Sure. Whatever makes you sleep at night . . . oldie,” Jiwoo says teasingly with a wink, and Jinsol has half a mind to grab the flower pot nearby and throw it at her head. “Anyway, as I was saying, you’ve changed a lot in the past six years.”

  
  


“Well, duh? As you’ve said, it’s been six years. Change is inevitable. I mean, look at you. Even though you’re still the same height as you were six years ago, you’ve also changed a lot the past couple of years.” 

  
  


“Hey! Stop insulting my height! You’re not even that tall yourself, you oaf!”

  
  


“Yeah. But I’m still taller than you, so . . .”

  
  


“Headass,” Jiwoo grumbles as she sulks in her seat, making Jinsol’s smirk slip as she laughs out loud in amusement. Jiwoo rolls her eyes, but Jinsol can see the underlying amusement in them, so she continues to chuckle. They fall into a comfortable silence not long after, until Jiwoo sighs and leans back on her chair. She looks at Jinsol with a smile on her lips but sadness in her eyes.

  
  


“Seriously though, you’ve . . . I don’t know the best word to describe it but . . . hmmm . . . You’ve matured so much over the past six years. You’re actually a lot calmer now. And you’ve become a lot less impulsive. And stupid. You actually _think_ things through when making decisions now, it’s actually kind’a surprising.”

  
  


Jiwoo added the last part in a teasing manner, something Jinsol knew she did to lighten up the mood. Amused, and quite thankful, Jinsol lets out an indignant _‘Hey!’_. But the two of them end up laughing together anyway, and Jinsol takes some time to actually think about what Jiwoo just said. Thinking about all the things that she had to go through the past six years, Jinsol realizes that Jiwoo has been spot on with her observation. With a sigh, Jinsol mimics Jiwoo as she leans back on her seat’s backrest, closing her eyes as she tries to will away the slight ache in her heart.

  
  


“It’s understandable though, considering all the things you had to go through,” Jiwoo continues, a slight undertone of sadness quite obvious in her voice. “I honestly don’t know what I’d do had I been the one in your position. You’re probably the strongest person I know, and I admire you so much for that.”

  
  


The corners of Jinsol’s lips curl up into a small, genuine, grateful smile at Jiwoo’s words. It’s been a shitty past couple of years, and Jinsol has lost a lot, has hurt a lot, and has cried a lot. But she has also learned a lot, and she’s decided that she’s done mourning now. It might still take quite some time before she can fully move on from losing some of the most important people in her life, but she still has Jiwoo, who has been a good friend all throughout these years, and Heejin who has no one else to depend on but her. Life has been harsh towards her, and she has fallen on her knees more times than she’d like, but Jinsol is back on her feet, stronger and wiser than she was before. And she’s ready to face whatever it is life decides to throw her way once more.

  
  


“Thanks Jiwoo. You know I wouldn’t have been able to endure all of that if not for you and this little cutie here, right?”

  
  


Jiwoo merely smiles back, and there’s a lull in their conversation as they bask in the comfort of each other’s presence. Jinsol didn’t realize how much she’s needed and craved to be in the presence of someone familiar, someone whom is dear to her, until now. Heejin is beginning to stir awake when the front door opens and Jinsol is met with the sight of another familiar face. Her heart races, her body freezing up in surprise because it’s been _so damn long_ since they’ve last seen each other. And Jinsol is only now realizing how much she missed that kind smile and those warm, adoring doe eyes.

  
  


“Hi Jinsol. It’s been such a long time. I’ve missed you.”

  
  


“. . . Kahei.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


“She’s a beautiful kid.”

  
  


Jinsol tears her gaze from Jiwoo and Heejin who were happily playing at the swings to look at Kahei. They’re at the side of the house where the kids’ playground is located, and while Jiwoo kept Heejin occupied by playing with her, Jinsol and Kahei are sat not that far away, watching over the two play as they had their conversation.

  
  


“She is, isn’t she?” Jinsol agrees almost immediately with a proud smile on her lips, her heart warming as it always did every time Heejin gets complimented. Kahei’s lips curl up into an amused smile as her gaze remains pinned on Jinsol’s face, prompting the latter’s brows to furrow in confusion.

  
  


“What? Do I have something on my face?”

  
  


“No, no,” Kahei says with a shake of the head. Her amused smile turns warm, almost adoring, as she looks Jinsol in the eye with utmost pride in her own. “I’m just . . . happy, I guess, to see you be such a good and loving parent, and to know that you’ve raised Heejin well.”

  
  


Kahei’s words warms Jinsol’s heart as she averts her gaze from the older woman to re-focus on her daughter who’s laughing merrily while being chased around by Jiwoo. Jinsol mutters a soft _“thanks”_ under her breath, loud enough for Kahei to hear. Kahei merely smiles, leaning her head against Jinsol’s shoulder as the two of them watch Jiwoo and Heejin play happily with fondness in their hearts.

  
  


“Jinsol?”

  
  


“Yeah? What is it?”

  
  


“How did you become Heejin’s mother?”

  
  


“Oh. That.” Jinsol shifts a bit, so that Kahei is leaning more comfortably against her shoulder. “Heejin’s mother was a good friend of mine. She was actually the first friend I met back in LA, after unintentionally meeting at a coffee shop, and she left Heejin in my care after she . . . after she passed away.”

  
  


A bittersweet smile settles on Jinsol’s lips as she leans her head against Kahei’s. The latter hooks an arm with Jinsol’s, snuggling comfortably against the younger woman’s side. Jinsol almost forgot how clingy Kahei can get sometimes.

  
  


“Oh. Uh . . . I-I’m sorry to hear that.” Jinsol merely shrugs. There’s a pause. A moment spent in awkward silence as Kahei grappled for what to say, before settling with a _“How was she as a person? Were the two of you together?”_ to steer the conversation to a different topic.

  
  


Jinsol knows this is also, in a way, Kahei trying to catch up with her life without being too pushy or outright intrusive, and Jinsol admires the older woman more for that. She’s thankful for Kahei who’s always been a good friend to her. Jinsol has to suppress a deep sigh as she is reminded of Jeon Heeyeon once again. Every memory that has to do with Heeyeon leaves Jinsol with a bittersweet feeling. She closes her eyes, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips as she tells Kahei of her memories of Heejin’s mother.

  
  


“Heeyeon was . . . she was a really great person, y'know. She was bright, and she’s probably one of the kindest people I know. Life’s been shitty to her, but she never let that bring her down. She always stood back up whenever life decided to knock her down. She’s just . . . No words can describe how amazing she was, and I owe her too much. She helped me a lot when I was at my lowest, and she was the main reason I was able to get back on my feet after what happened all those years ago.

  
  


She had no family left, and the asshole that got her pregnant bolted as soon as he found out about the pregnancy. So I took her in. We weren’t dating though, seeing as I was still hung up on Jungeun back then. But I would have fallen for her otherwise. She’s just too beautiful.”

  
  


There’s a nostalgic smile on Jinsol’s lips as she turns her gaze towards Heejin, who’s now happily laughing and squealing as Jiwoo gently pushed her on the swings.

  
  


“Heejin actually takes after her so much. It’s hard not to see Heeyeon every time I look at Heejin.”

  
  


A moment of silence passes between them as Jinsol lets her words sink in. There’s a sad smile on her lips and the familiar dull ache in her heart, something common every time she thinks about Heeyeon. Kahei doesn’t say anything for a while, and when she does talk again, her voice is so soft that Jinsol has to strain her ears just to hear her.

  
  


“What . . . what happened?”

  
  


Kahei leans away even before Jinsol can open her mouth to reply, eyes sad and lips curled down into a pout. Jinsol actually feels her heart clench at the sight: none of them ever really liked to see Kahei sad.

  
  


“You don’t have to answer! I’m sorry I overstepped the line.”

  
  


Jinsol gently shakes her head with a wry smile. She leans forward, placing the gentlest of kisses against Kahei’s forehead - something she’s always done to reassure the older woman that she’s alright. Kahei’s gaze softens at the familiar gesture, and she leans forward to hug Jinsol, despite her huge baby bump.

  
  


“Heejin was born premature,” Jinsol starts, the memory still vivid in her mind as if it just happened yesterday. She takes a deep, shaky breath. Jinsol always had a hard time recalling the day of Heejin’s birth. She feels Kahei squeeze her arm gently in silent support, so she smiles gratefully at the latter.

  
  


“Heeyeon was on her twenty-ninth week of pregnancy then. She woke up one night for a bathroom break but got the shock of her life when her water broke. I rushed her to the hospital as fast as I could, not caring that we were both in our sleep attire or that I had just woken up. I was in a daze that night, and so was she. We were both very afraid. Heejin wasn’t supposed to come until another seven or so weeks. We were scared out of our wits on the way to the hospital. Heeyeon and I, we both didn’t want to lose our precious little Heejin.”

  
  


Jinsol pauses to take a steadying breath. She remembers Heeyeon’s motionless body on that hospital bed, getting shocked again and again to restart her heart. She remembers little Heejin, who had to be confined in the NICU and get hooked up on machines literally minutes after she was born in order for her to survive. Jinsol shudders at the memory, shaking the thoughts from her head and focusing on Kahei once more.

  
  


“Some complications happened. Heeyeon flat-lined after she gave birth to Heejin, who had to be confined in the NICU because she had some breathing problems. I thought I was gonna go crazy that night . . . I thought I was gonna lose them both . . .”

  
  


A tear falls from Jinsol’s eye and she doesn't notice that she’s started crying until Kahei reached up to wipe at the tears with the pads of her thumbs. Kahei cups her cheeks gently, and Jinsol leans into the comforting touch. Kahei’s staring straight into Jinsol’s eyes, her gaze warm and fond and just brings comfort to Jinsol’s aching soul.

  
  


“I . . . They . . . The d-doctors were able to revive Heeyeon, but she had to rely on machines to keep her alive. Heejin . . . Heejin wasn’t faring any better then, and I . . . I honestly didn’t know what to do. I felt so helpless, so useless, just standing there and watching without being able to do anything. Heeyeon . . . S-she got one of the nurses to help her write her will when she woke up, despite how weak she was. She . . . She left Heejin in my care, should anything happen to her . . .”

  
  


Jinsol closes her eyes to stop more tears from falling from her eyes. She takes deep breaths to stop herself from crying, and Kahei holds her tighter. It takes a while, but Jinsol manages to calm herself enough to resume talking. She sends a watery smile at Kahei, who’s in turn smiling sadly up at her.

  
  


“I’m sorry for that. It’s just that . . . remembering that day still kind’a hurts for me, even though it’s been almost six years.”

  
  


“Shhh. There’s no need to apologize. I totally understand.”

  
  


“Heeyeon passed away in her sleep twelve hours after giving birth to Heejin. She only got to hold Heejin once, and it hurts me so, so much because they could have been beautiful together. Heeyeon loved Heejin too much.”

  
  


A sigh falls from Jinsol’s lips as she closes her eyes again, trying to fight the wave of pain and nostalgia threatening to swallow her whole. When she opens her eyes again, Jinsol pins her gaze on Heejin who is now sat on Jiwoo’s lap as the latter slowly rocked them on the swing.

  
  


“It was so painful losing Heeyeon because she was more than just a friend for me. She gave me a reason to keep pushing on. She became a sort of inspiration for me to never give up just because I got my heart broken. And I honestly think a part of me died when she passed away.”

  
  


Another sigh. This one a little lighter than before.

  
  


“Luckily though, Heejin’s a fighter. She fought on and never gave up, and I prayed every single day for her to recover quickly. She kept on improving little by little, and on the third month after her birthday, Heejin was finally released from the NICU. That’s when I started readying all the paper works for adopting her.”

  
  


Another moment of silence passes over them as Jinsol let Kahei process everything that she’s told the older woman. Kahei’s slack-jawed, her eyes having that glossed-over look that she gets every time she’s thinking seriously. Seconds ticked by, turning into minutes, and Jinsol is beginning to feel antsy on her seat when she feels Kahei let go of her arms in order to hug her snugly.

  
  


“You’ve been through so much,” Kahei whispers against her hair, and Jinsol has to bite her tongue to stop herself from making a remark about how that’s just the tip of the fucking ice berg. It’s a story for another time and besides, Haseul just might get her head for upsetting her wife too much.

  
  


“You and Heejin both. I’m sorry you had to go through all that alone Jinsol, but I promise that from now on, won’t have to go through everything by yourself anymore. I’m here for you both, I love you and that cute little bunny you got over there,” Kahei says with a warm smile, making Jinsol smile back just as genuinely. She feels her heart warm at the love Kahei is showing for both her and her daughter.

  
  


“Thank you Kahei. We love you too. And that little peanut growing inside of you. Thank you so much for accepting me back.”

  
  


“No. I should be the one thanking you. You’re talking to me now and you’ve forgiven me for what happened six years ago.”

  
  


“There’s nothing to forgive you for though. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were actually the only one trying to be not biased back then.”

  
  


At the cute pout on Kahei’s lips, Jinsol chuckles as she raises a hand up to gently pinch Kahei’s cheek. Her heart feels lighter after talking to Kahei, and it made her realize that she did the right thing with going through with her last minute decision. Kahei leans back on her seat’s backrest, and Jinsol does the same as they watch Jiwoo and Heejin finally get tired from playing around too much.

  
  


“Y’know, I was dead set on not meeting up with all of you when Jiwoo extended an invite for this meetup last week,” Jinsol starts, eyes glued to Jiwoo and Heejin despite feeling Kahei’s gaze on the side of her face. “Because I thought I wasn’t ready to see any of you again just yet. My last memories of the group weren’t that good, to be honest.”

  
  


“What made you change your mind then?” Kahei asks, finally tearing her gaze away.

  
  


“Heejin wanted to see Jiwoo, and I just have a hard time saying not to her. Also, I was tidying up my old room at my parents’ house when I stumbled upon old photos of us, of everyone. Sifting through those photos made me realize how much I missed you guys and how much I loved all of you still, despite everything that happened.”

  
  


Jinsol pauses for a bit, her smile turning contemplative, and while Kahei had so much questions for the younger woman, she kept her silence and let Jinsol talk at her own pace.

  
  


“Being alone in LA for so long, with no one but Heejin there for me, and Jiwoo who constantly nags and calls, I realized that I wanted Heejin to grow up surrounded by people whom we love and who love us. I also realized that I’m tired of holding onto the pain, and the grudges. I just want to move on and start anew, fix everything that has been broken all those years ago little by little.”

  
  


“Will you be able to forgive Jungeun too?” Kahei asks hesitantly. Jinsol doesn’t talk for three whole minutes, but Kahei can see the small smile on her lips.

  
  


“Probably. Just give me a bit more time with her. She was my everything you know, and what she did really hurt. I loved her too much and I was ready to dedicate my whole life to her before that happened. But then again, after staying away for too long, I also realized that she wasn’t the only one at fault. I am equally to be blamed as her for what happened to the two of us.”

  
  


Kahei wasn’t talking for a while so Jinsol turns to look at her and see what’s wrong. But the older woman is merely looking at her with mild surprise and amazement in her eyes.

  
  


“What?” Jinsol asks hesitantly. Kahei shakes her head in amusement.

  
  


“You’ve matured so much since the last time we saw each other, it’s kind of both shocking and endearing.”

  
  


“Huh. Funny, Jiwoo said the same thing.”

  
  


“You know what they say, _great minds think alike_ and all that bullcrap.”

  
  


Jinsol was about to make a snarky retort, enjoying the ongoing playful banter she’s having with Kahei, when a shadow suddenly looming over her makes her stop all movement. Slowly, she turns her body around to look at the newcomer, and her eyes almost bulge out of their sockets at that very familiar sharp gaze.

  
  


“Hello, Jinsol.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there everyone. First off, I wanna apologize for taking me this long to update this chapter here. It's been on AFF for weeks but I haven't had the time to edit and upload here. Uni’s been kicking me in the ass so I didn't really have much time to write the past couple of weeks. If you have comments/suggestions/corrections, just tell me so I can correct them. ayt? I apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> FInals season are over and I'm currently working on the fifth chapter along with my other works. Hopefully I can update within the week. Or eraly next week.
> 
> Also, since a reader from AFF made some very good points in their comment for the previous chap, I made some adjustments here. I was supposed to update a chap that’s around 10k long to include Jiwoo’s flashback, but since I didn’t really want to leave this hanging for long, I updated on the other site.
> 
> Anyway, as I have said on AFF, Jinsol and Kahei are okay now. Next chapter features Jinsol fixing another relationship with an old friend. The larger chunk of that chapter would be dedicated to my beloved Kim Jiwoo and Chuuves. Also, you all get the promised viseul in the next chap. 
> 
> That’s all for now. Please do tell me your thoughts because I enjoy reading your comments. See you all soon.


	5. Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I did some backreading of the previous chapters while writing this one, and I realized I made a mistake in calculating the ages of the kids. Apparently, things won’t match up if Heejin is older than Hyunjin and Chaewon in this fic. So for clarification (and my peace of mind), Heejin is still the same age as Chaewon and Hyunjin, but she’ll be a couple of months (let’s just say around two months) younger than the two.

* * *

  


The air is thick with awkwardness and tension and all Jinsol wants to do is to run away, because she’s starting to feel suffocated by the silence and the presence of the woman standing beside her. They’re both staring straight ahead, gazes focused on Kahei and Jiwoo who have huge smiles on their faces as they listen attentively to Heejin recounting stories of her life back in LA. But despite this, Jinsol knows that the woman beside her is focused and attuned to her every move. That’s just how Haseul has always been – she doesn’t say much, but she notices everything around her.

Kahei and Jiwoo laugh loudly, and Jinsol’s attention is drawn back to the group of three. Heejin is standing before the two women, hands on her hips, a wide, proud grin on her lips. There’s that familiar playful glint in her eyes again, and Jinsol’s own lips curve up into the fondest of smiles. Heejin has been a lot more mischievous lately, and Jinsol doesn’t doubt that the child has just recounted one of her fun “adventures” to Kahei and Jiwoo. Jinsol recalls the incident from the daycare just a couple of months prior, when one of Heejin’s teachers pulled her aside for a talk when she came to pick her daughter up.

Apparently, her daughter made one of the boys in her class cry during recess and when asked why she did what she did, Heejin answered with a _‘because he was teasing Mina!’_ with a scowl marring her cute features and with her arms crossed over her chest. Jinsol almost laughed out loud at the next thing that the teacher recalled to her. Unsurprisingly, they went with the usual explanation of the boy just secretly liking the girl as an excuse for his actions, and Jinsol was about to roll her eyes, because it’s such a lame logic. But then the teacher quickly followed it with Heejin’s response of _‘but if her really does like her, why did he hurt her? If you like someone, you’re not supposed to make them cry!’_ And Jinsol couldn’t be more proud of her daughter.

“She’s beautiful.”

Jinsol blanches at the sudden sound of Haseul’s voice. It’s still the same sort of raspy sound she’s known for years, but there’s something different as well, something different with the lilt of her voice. Like she’s matured over the span of six long years. And she probably has. All of them must have surely matured since the last time she saw them, and Jinsol couldn’t help but smile wryly at the thought. Six years, and she has to reacquaint herself with her old friends, for as much as it feels like nothing has changed, it also quite feels like she’s interacting with strangers now. 

“Thanks,” she responds in a quiet voice, never tearing her gaze from her daughter who is now gently caressing Kahei’s tummy with an awed expression on her face. Jinsol smiles. She recalls doing the same with Heeyeon when Heejin was still a small peanut inside her mother’s womb. And then Jinsol’s smile turns sad, nostalgic. She closes her eyes to will the tears away.

“How old is she?” Haseul continues to ask.

“Five. She’s turning six soon. She’s actually just a couple of months younger than Hyunjin and Chaewon.”

They fall silent again after that and Jinsol’s heart hurts at the obvious distance between the two of them. Jinsol and Haseul used to be very close, along with Sooyoung, with all of them being able to tell each other everything. They used to never keep anything from each other, until Jinsol found out that both Haseul and Sooyoung kept Jungeun’s relationship with **_him_** from her. The memory still sends a sharp pain to Jinsol’s heart, and she closes her eyes to try and steady her heartbeat.

“I’m sorry,” Haseul says, shattering the silence between them. Jinsol takes in a shuddering breath, knowing exactly what Haseul is apologizing for even with the other woman not saying it explicitly. 

Jinsol’s lips remain shut, for she knows that saying _‘it’s okay’_ would be akin to telling a lie. Because while she has already forgiven all of them for the incident of six years ago, it’s still quite hard for her to forget the pain and betrayal she felt back then. Closing her eyes, Jinsol expels a shaky breath as she tries to calm her racing heart. Forgiving her friends for what happened all those years ago is the first step she has to take towards moving on. Forgiving herself and Jungeun comes after that. She’s already done with Kahei. Now, all she needs to do is to be honest with Haseul and she’d only have Sooyoung and Jungeun left to settle matters with. 

When she opens her eyes again, Jinsol focuses on her daughter instead of Haseul beside her. Because she might crumble if she looks into Haseul’s eyes. Her heart is breaking all over again at the memories from the past that assault her mind. 

A soft _“me too”_ shakily slips past Jinsol’s lips. She keeps her gaze glued on Heejin, but she can feel the tears threatening to fall. A lump lodges her throat and makes it hard to speak, but Jinsol swallows it down and she goes on. Haseul has reached out to her, and it’s now up to Jinsol to meet her halfway.

“I’m sorry too, for what happened all those years ago,” Jinsol says, finally turning to look Haseul in the eyes. Her heart hurts, but seeing the shocked and broken look in Haseul’s eyes doused the flames of hurt slowly licking and eating away at Jinsol’s heart. She’s not the only one hurting, and she’s not the only one left broken by their falling apart. The younger her might not have realized, but she sees and acknowledges it now.

The corners of Jinsol’s lips curl up into a small, genuine smile, and the sight triggers the falling of Haseul’s tears. Haseul’s face scrunches up as she tries her hardest not to sob, but it only makes her look weirder that Jinsol couldn’t help but chuckle. Haseul hasn’t really been that much of a crier, even when they were kids, and Jinsol finds it sort of comforting that the fact still remains up to this day. With a rather fond smile on her lips, Jinsol reaches out and pulls Haseul against her.

“I’ve already forgiven you, y’know,” Jinsol whispers against Haseul’s hair as she hugs the other woman close. Haseul has her arms wrapped tightly around Jinsol’s torso as she sobbed into the latter’s neck. “I’ve forgiven all of you, but I can’t forget the pain no matter how hard I try. I want to move on, Haseul. I want to forget the hurt and betrayal that has taken residence in my heart for the past six years.” Jinsol takes in another shaky breath as she tightens her hold on Haseul further. “Please. Help me forget. Help me forget about the pain, Haseul. Help me move on.”

By now, the both of them are sobbing messes. Jinsol could see from her peripherals Heejin looking at her worriedly, and she’s pretty sure that the little child would’ve run to her already had it not been for Jiwoo holding her back. Jiwoo and Kahei are both looking at them with small smiles on their lips, eyes soft and fond and teary. And as Haseul continued to sob against her neck with apology after apology falling from her lips, Jinsol feels the heaviness in her heart alleviate a little. Maybe, after so long, she’s finally getting the closure she needs for her to start moving on.

* * *

“I was so pissed at you before, y’know.”

Jinsol tears her gaze from her cup of coffee to look at Haseul who’s sat opposite her. They’re currently inside the house after Heejin has tired herself out from playing around. She’s currently out cold and is taking a nap in one of the guest rooms. Wanting to give Haseul and Jinsol more time to themselves to talk, Jiwoo and Kahei have re-joined Sooyoung and Jungeun with the other kids in the living room, leaving Haseul and Jinsol in the kitchen by themselves.

“For hurting Jungeun,” Haseul elaborates after seeing the confused look on Jinsol’s face. Not exactly knowing what to say, Jinsol opts to keep her mouth shut as she lets Haseul explain more.

“I realize now how biased I’ve been, and I am so, so sorry for that. But you have to understand Jinsol, that during those months leading to your break, Jungeun has been going to us – Kahei, Sooyoung, and me – for support. It pained us to see her hurting, and it somehow angered us that it as you who was causing her pain. You promised to always make her happy when we were younger, Jinsol. You promised to always protect her smile, and she entrusted her heart to you the same way you entrusted yours to her. And to know that you kept on neglecting and hurting her . . .”

There’s a stretch of silence between them as Haseul gave Jinsol time to process her words. Haseul is anxious, to say the least, regarding Jinsol’s reaction. But Jinsol merely sighs as she sinks into her seat, her shoulders sagging in defeat as her eyes glaze over, having a sort of far-away look in them. Haseul feels a tug at her heartstrings at the immense sadness she sees in Jinsol’s eyes. 

“So that’s how it was, huh?” Jinsol softly mutters under her breath. It seems that Haseul wasn’t really meant to hear that, but she still did anyway, sending her into confusion. What does Jinsol necessarily mean by that?

“I never wanted to neglect her at all,” Jinsol starts, eyes still glossy and unfocused as her hands unconsciously gripped hard at her cup. Her voice is soft, far too soft and far too vulnerable that Haseul has to strain her ears just to hear her words. The last time she heard Jinsol be like this was when the latter’s beloved grandmother passed away when they were twelve. Haseul feels her heart break for her friend. “I never wanted to cancel on our plans and I never wanted to forget our dates, but I didn’t really have a choice.”

“What do you mean you didn’t have a choice? If your job was taking over your life like that, you could’ve just left.”

“My father was sickly that time and I needed money for his regular consultations and medications. That job was paying well despite everyone in my department making my life a living hell.”

Realizing her slip of tongue snaps Jinsol back into focus as she turns her gaze towards Haseul, who’s looking at her with furrowed brows and a displeased frown. Jinsol’s jaws snap almost immediately as she groans internally, because she wasn’t really supposed to tell that to anyone else aside from Jiwoo.

“What do you mean your colleagues have been making your life a living hell? Have you been keeping things from us, Jinsol?”

Jinsol contemplates lying to Haseul, but the latter has that look on her face that practically says _“just dare and try to lie to me, and we’ll see what would happen to you”_. But Jinsol remembers that there is no use trying to lie to Haseul. Besides the fact that Jinsol could possibly be one of the worst liars to ever exist on the planes of Earth, Haseul can sense when someone is lying to her. Resigned, Jinsol slumps further into her seat as she explains to her friend.

“I wasn’t exactly . . . welcomed with open arms in the department I got assigned to when I was just starting. I mean, the higher ups did like my work, but most of the people in that department didn’t really like me, so to speak. I . . . a friend from another department told me that the people from my department were all envious of me gaining favors from the higher ups despite me being new at the company back then. To make the long story short, I was hated in that department because I performed better than all of them despite being a newbie.”

Or so she was told. Jinsol doesn’t really like to brag, believes that she’s as mediocre as the average person and that there is nothing great about her. But her co-workers and friends from the other departments have told her that their bosses had nothing but praises for her back then, and that she was even considered for promotion despite being in the company for just a couple of months. 

Jinsol remembers all the times that the people at her department have given her a hard time, dumping work after work, responsibility after responsibility, on her despite her already busy schedule. She couldn’t say no, because all of them were her seniors, but God how she wanted to smack all of them whenever they made her forget about plans and miss dates with her girlfriend. 

Jinsol had wanted to quit the company back then, but she needed the money for her family’s expenses and her father’s medications, so she had no choice but to stay. It was the best company after all. She was only freed from that hell-hole department when she got a promotion months later, and was transferred to another department where the people were more than welcoming of her.

Unfortunately, by that time, Jungeun had already been fed up with her and their relationship. Seeing the tears and pain in her love’s eyes made Jinsol realize just how much she has hurt Jungeun, and so when the younger woman asked her for a break, Jinsol didn’t argue. Jinsol felt like she had no right to ask Jungeun to reconsider taking a break from their relationship. So, with her heart breaking in her chest, Jinsol watched Jungeun walk away. 

A hand being placed on her shoulder snaps Jinsol back to the present, and she turns to look at Haseul who’s already looking at her with sadness in her eyes. Jinsol smiles at her wryly, the memories still leaving a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. 

“You should’ve just told us. We could’ve helped you, you know. Heck, Jungeun – all of us – would have understood had you explained your situation. I–”

“Haseul,” Jinsol cuts her off with a shake of the head. “Everyone was going through something back then. Sooyoung was pregnant with Chaewon, and Jiwoo had both of them to worry about. Kahei was still not over her and Sooyoung’s break up back then, and the fact that Sooyoung got knocked up by some random dude from the club, while you had to worry about Kahei and your family, because your stupid uncle was trying to take away the inheritance your grandfather left for your father. And Jungeun . . . she was busy trying to juggle being a graduating student and working to pay for her student loans. Everyone already had a lot on their plates, and I didn’t want to add to any of your burden.”

Jinsol sighs again – she feels like she’s been doing that a whole lot lately – as she takes another sip of her coffee. There’s a short moment of silence between them that Jinsol lets linger to compose herself before she speaks again.

“I was actually ready to spend the rest of my life with her. Jungeun, I mean” Jinsol states, staring absently at the brown liquid sloshing inside her cup. Haseul is curious once more, but she knows not to interfere when she sees the distant look in Jinsol’s eyes, so she keeps her mouth shut and waits for Jinsol to continue. 

“A week into our break . . . it actually just took me a day without her to realize that I couldn’t live without her, but I lasted a week before I began to feel desperate to win her back. I felt so empty without her in my life . . . I felt very miserable that after that first week, I made up my mind to ask for her forgiveness. I was willing to do anything, beg her if need be, just so I can have her back in my life. I never wanted to let her go again when she forgives me, was what I thought, so I strove to work harder, to earn more, so I could save for a ring with which I could ask her to marry me.”

Jinsol tears her gaze from her cup of coffee to look Haseul in the eyes. She reaches inside her shirt through the neckhole, pulling out a silver chain around her neck. A surprised gasp leaves Haseul’s lips when she sees the gorgeous diamond in an old European cut set on a platinum band, with little rubies surrounding the gem, that served as the ‘pendant’ of the chain. It’s beautiful, breathtaking even, and Haseul could only gape at Jinsol who had the saddest smile Haseul has seen on her lips. 

“I was just waiting for the right time to talk to her. I . . . I had no idea that I was too late, that her heart was already someplace else. I loved her too much, and the thought of not being able to win her back killed me. I was . . . I just . . . seeing **_him_** there **that** day, and finding out that she was already pregnant with his child . . . and that all of you except Jiwoo knew and didn’t even tell me . . . I felt so, so lost and betrayed and heartbroken that day. I couldn’t stand seeing any of you without breaking down, but everywhere I looked, I was reminded by all of you. So I decided to get away. It was the only way I could save myself from the torture.”

Haseul’s tears fell the same time Jinsol’s did, and the only sounds that can be heard inside that kitchen are that of their heart-wrenching sobs. Jinsol weeps for a future she once yearned for but now could never have, for the destruction of friendships and a relationship that her life once revolved around, and Haseul weeps for the pain of a dearly beloved, for a friend they have so wrongly judged and almost completely lost. 

As Haseul held her hand tightly on top of the table, Jinsol feels the shift in their relationship. When she looks at Haseul’s equally tear-stained face, Jinsol feels the pain and bitterness in her heart slowly but surely ebb away. And so, she smiles. She smiles for she finally feels hope bloom in her slowly mending heart. It’s been so long but maybe, just maybe, things would turn out better for her from now on. 

Jinsol and Haseul both cry and laugh as they slowly learn to reacquaint themselves to their old dynamics, back to how they were before the mess of six years ago. And Jinsol’s heart feels light. She hasn’t felt this good in so long, and she’s basking in the warmth and the happiness of the moment. She and Haseul are both too preoccupied with catching up that they fail to notice the presence of another person by the entrance to the kitchen. 

They don’t notice the rigid stance.

They don’t notice the tear-filled eyes.

They don’t notice the quivering lips.

Both Jinsol and Haseul are unaware of the heart slowly breaking upon accidentally hearing Jinsol’s confession by chance.

* * *

Jiwoo pinches the bridge of her nose as an exasperated sigh pushes past her lips. She takes long, deep breaths to remain calm, willing away the annoyance blooming in her chest. She’s not quite entirely sure what happened – how they ended up in this mess – with both Heejin and Chaewon crying their eyes out. Heejin is in Jinsol’s arms, the kid’s face buried against her mother’s neck as Jinsol gently sways them from side to side. Heejin’s cries are pained, and Jiwoo feels her heart hurt when she sees Jinsol gently cradling and massaging the little girl’s left ankle.

Chaewon, on the other hand, is at one corner of the living room, with Sooyoung crouched down to her eye level and softly scolding her. Chaewon sobs as Sooyoung reprimands her, the child using the back of her hands to wipe at her tears. Haseul and Kahei are seated at the couch with their daughters sat in between them, the family of four looking conflicted and lost as to what to do. Jungeun is seated at the loveseat, with little Yerim perched on her lap, looking as conflicted as the other four.

Sighing again, Jiwoo decides to approach Heejin and Jinsol first. Jiwoo and Jinsol share a look, with the latter merely smiling tightly at Jiwoo in understanding. There’s not a hint of anger in Jinsol’s eyes, to which Jiwoo is thankful for. Jiwoo hopes her eyes look apologetic enough as she asks for Heejin. Jinsol’s smile softens as she gently transfers Heejin into Jiwoo’s awaiting arms. Heejin blanches and wails when Jiwoo touches her, grasping at Jinsol’s shirt tightly and refusing to let go. It sends a pang to Jiwoo’s heart – Heejin has always been eager to spend time and be with her – and she couldn’t help but feel disappointed at Chaewon at the moment.

“Heejin, sweetie, I’m so sorry for what Chaewon did. Please let me hold you? I promise I won’t let you get hurt again. I just want to make sure that you’re not seriously hurt,” Jiwoo pleads to the child softly.

Heejin’s sobs slowly taper off to whimpers, as she finally turns to look Jiwoo in the eyes. She hiccups every few seconds, her whimpers now turning to sniffles as she finally reaches her arms out to Jiwoo. The latter smiles fondly at the little girl, pulling Heejin against her body and hugging her close. Jiwoo kisses the top of Heejin’s head as she gently sways Heejin just like how Jinsol did. 

Across the room, Jiwoo sees Chaewon looking at her and Heejin with a sad pout on her lips. As a natural-born softie who can never stand the look of sadness on her favorite children’s faces, Jiwoo strides over to where Chaewon is and squats down beside Sooyoung so that she’s eye level with the little girl. Jiwoo shifts a bit, adjusting Heejin so that the little girl is sitting on one of her thighs and is facing Chaewon as well. Sooyoung stands up wordlessly and walks over to where Jungeun and Yerim are, all of them now focused on the three at the corner.

“Ha Chaewon, do you have anything to say to Heejin?” Jiwoo asks softly, making sure that her voice is calm and without any traces of anger and annoyance so as not to scare the little girl.

Chaewon pouts then sniffles, before she scuffs her slipper-clad foot on the floor with her hands placed behind her. The little girl’s gaze is focused on the ground, refusing to meet Jiwoo’s or Heejin’s gazes. Resident softie Kim Jiwoo just sighs, feeling a tug at her heartstrings at the sad look Chaewon was donning.

“Chae.”

The call successfully manages to make Chaewon look up. She locks gazes with Jiwoo, who smiles comfortingly at her, and Chaewon’s lower lip starts to quiver. She tears her gaze from Jiwoo to look at Heejin who was already looking at her.

“I-I’m sorry . . . for pushing you . . . and for hurting you . . . and for shouting at you,” Chaewon stutters out, trying her hardest not to cry. Jiwoo’s heart melts at the cuteness.

Heejin grins widely in response, holding her pinky out to Chaewon, who hesitantly links her own. Jiwoo smiles fondly at Heejin, feeling pride bloom in her chest not only for the kid, but also for Jinsol for raising Heejin well on her own.

“It’s okay now. Because you already said sorry. Mommy said I should forgive people who say they’re sorry and means it! I fo . . . fro . . . forgive! I forgive you!” Heejin says enthusiastically with a grin. Jiwoo chuckles in amusement, ruffling Heejin’s hair, who merely looks up at her with a grin. She then turns to Chaewon again, smile still intact. Jiwoo is amazed at how Heejin can be this energetic and bright again despite sobbing just moments before.

“My name is Jeon Heejin. I’m turning six soon! Let’s be friends, okay?”

Chaewon finally smiles at the enthusiasm that Heejin shows. She wipes at the tears pooling at her eyes, her lips quirking up into a grin of her own, before taking a step forward and hugging Heejin. Jiwoo feels her heart warm at the cuteness of the two kids.

“Okay. I’m Ha Chaewon. I’m turning six soon too.”

When Jiwoo turns to look at the other occupants of the room, she can’t help but smile as she sees the adoring look on all of the adults’ faces, and the excited ones on the kids’. For Chaewon, Hyunjin, Yerim, and Hyejoo, they just gained another friend in Heejin. But for Heejin, the others are more than just prospective friends. They’re an addition to her family – people whom she can love and can love her back. 

And Jiwoo couldn’t help but feel more than happy about it.

* * *

“Chaewon.”

The little girl tears her gaze from the tablet she’s holding to look at Jiwoo. There’s a pout on Chaewon’s lips, and Jiwoo’s quite certain that it’s because she’s been interrupted from her favorite show. But Jiwoo needs to talk to her now, needs to discuss things with Chaewon now that she’s friends with Heejin. Jiwoo needs to make Chaewon realize what she did was wrong, and find out what made Chaewon push and shout at Heejin in the first place. Jiwoo’s gaze momentarily shifts to the other side of the room where Heejin is currently playing happily with Hyunjin.

It came as a surprise to all the adults there, when Hyunjin voluntarily approached Heejin and asked her to play. In the time that they all have known Hyunjin, the kid has mostly kept to herself. Even when Hyejoo finally warmed up to them and started feeling comfortable around them, Hyunjin remained an aloof child. That is, until today. The number of times they have seen Hyunjin’s smile and heard her laugh that afternoon alone was tenfold more than the previous year. None of them could be happier.

When Jiwoo’s gaze lands on Heejin’s bandaged foot, she is reminded of the task at hand. She looks back to Chaewon who is still pouting at her. Jiwoo sighs, taking the tablet from Chaewon’s hand and placing it on top of the coffee table before pulling the child onto her lap. 

“You and Heejin are friends now, right?” Jiwoo starts and she can feel Chaewon nod her head in response. 

“Why did you do that to her in the first place, sweetie? Heejin is a sweet girl, she doesn’t have a mean bone in her body like, at all.” Jiwoo adjusts Chaewon on her lap so that the child is now facing her. “I’m not angry at you sweetheart, okay? I’m just disappointed, because what you did to Heejin was pretty mean.”

There is silence between them as Chaewon refuses to answer Jiwoo’s question. She averts her gaze, refusing to look at Jiwoo despite the latter coaxing her to. A sigh of disappointment falling from Jiwoo’s lips, however, seems to do the trick as Chaewon finally opens her mouth and explains herself. 

“I . . . because . . . she . . . you . . . she called you mama! And . . . and . . . I just got scared, okay? I thought she was gonna take you away. I didn’t want that . . .”

Chaewon’s answer has Jiwoo stunned for a moment, as her brain took a while to process the kid’s words. When Chaewon’s words do sink in, Jiwoo remembers Chaewon’s nightmare the previous night and finally understands. She lifts Chaewon’s face up by the chin gently, sweeping the stray hairs on the kid’s face to the side. With a fond smile on her lips, Jiwoo leans in to place a kiss on Chaewon’s forehead.

“I promised you, didn’t I? As long as you and your mommy don’t tell me that you don’t want me in your lives anymore, then I’m not gonna leave you. You know I always keep my promises to you, don’t I?”

At the nod of Chaewon’s head, Jiwoo smiles. She reaches a hand up and ruffles Chaewon’s hair. The kid whines, swiping at her hand, and Jiwoo takes amusement at this. She turns serious again after a while though, for she still has one last thing she wants to say to Chaewon.

“Chae, please be good to Heejin, okay? Don’t get mad at her when she calls me mama again please? She’s . . . it’s just that her mommy . . . her mommy who gave birth to Heejin . . . she’s already in heaven.”

Chaewon’s eyes widen at this, as her lips turn down into a pout. Jiwoo’s heart clenches as she sees Chaewon turn sad at the revelation. She doesn’t really like talking about Heeyeon’s death.

“Heejin only has her mommy Jinsol and me to call her family. She has known me ever since she was a baby, because I’m good friends with her mommy Jinsol. I love Heejin like how I love you, and Hyunjin, and Hyejoo, and Yerim. And I don’t like any one of you getting hurt. Please be a good friend to Heejin, okay? Promise me.”

Chaewon is silent for a moment, a serious look in her eyes as she seems to be contemplating, and Jiwoo finds the sight so adorable that she can’t help but lean in and place a kiss on top of Chaewon’s head. When Jiwoo pulls back, Chaewon looks up at her with a wide smile on her lips.

“Okay. I promise. And Jiwoo?”

“Yeah?”

“Heejin does not only have you and her mommy Jinsol now. She has me and Hyunjin and Hyejoo and Yerim too. And Auntie Haseul and Auntie Kahei and Auntie Sooyoung and Mommy!” Chaewon says with a grin, making Jiwoo’s heart swell with absolute pride and adoration for her.

“Yeah. Yes she does,” Jiwoo says softly with a smile of her own.

* * *

A groan leaves Jiwoo’s lips as she lets her tired body flop down on the soft mattress of Haseul’s guestroom’s bed. It’s a quarter past nine in the evening, and all the adults have decided to extend the dinner into a sleep over. Jiwoo was assigned to a guest bedroom with Sooyoung and Chaewon, while Jungeun and Yerim got the other one. Since Heejin seems to have clicked with all the other kids, especially Hyunjin, after that small mishap earlier that afternoon, Jinsol had no choice but to stay over as well. Haseul and Kahei offered to let the mother-and-daughter pair stay in Hyunjin’s and Hyejoo’s room while the kids would temporarily sleep in theirs, but Jinsol refused. 

She just asked for an extra mattress and some blankets and pillows, insisting that they’d just sleep at the living room. She also cited their need to leave early the following day for Heejin’s monthly check-up with her pedia. Knowing how stubborn Jinsol can be if she sets her mind on something, Haseul and Kahei had no other choice but to give in.

Sooyoung and Chaewon are currently taking a bath, leaving Jiwoo to her thoughts as she laid comfortably on the bed. She’s tired. She can feel the exhaustion down to her bones, but oddly enough, instead of easily drifting off to sleep, Jiwoo is wide awake. Her mind is in overdrive as she recalls all of the events of the day. She can’t help but worry about Jinsol, because even though the older woman seems to have fixed things with Kahei and Haseul, it didn’t escape Jiwoo’s attention how Jinsol tensed whenever Sooyoung or Jungeun were close. 

Jiwoo has been so lost in thought that she has failed to notice the opening of the bathroom door, and Sooyoung and Chaewon walking back inside the room with towels wrapped around their heads. Jiwoo is startled out of her thoughts when Chaewon jumps on the bed, the little child squealing and laughing as she bounced and bounced on the mattress. She’s being too cute that Jiwoo couldn’t help but laugh along merrily.

“As much as I hate to put an end to your good time, Chaewon, you need to get dressed,” Sooyoung cuts off a moment later. Jiwoo turns to her with a smile, but she almost chokes on air when she sees what Sooyoung is wearing. Or in this case, not wearing.

Clad in only a way-too-short wife beater that exposes a part of her midriff, and sinfully short boyshorts, Sooyoung stands beside the bed, drying her hair with the towel in her hands. Jiwoo almost pushes Chaewon off the bed with how fast she turns away from Sooyoung, the child squealing as she falls on her back against the mattress. She whines and pouts at Jiwoo, who mutters a quick string of apologies but refuses to turn around, missing the amused smirk adorning Sooyoung’s lips. 

The bed dips and shakes as Chaewon gets off, yet Jiwoo still refuses to turn around. Sooyoung and Chaewon bustle about the room, getting ready for bed. And when the two go out to the kitchen for Chaewon’s nightly glass of milk before going to bed, Jiwoo hurriedly heads to the bathroom to take a shower of her own. One that’s preferably too cold to douse the heat she feels in her body. 

Jiwoo takes her time inside the bathroom, letting the coldness of the water seep through her skin. She and Sooyoung haven’t really talked about their kiss the night before yet. Sooyoung has never brought it up since, and Jiwoo is too afraid to breach the topic, afraid of facing rejection from the girl she’s been in love with since she was fifteen. But Sooyoung has been . . . acting differently then, and Jiwoo’s poor heart just can’t keep up. Sooyoung has been more . . . clingy and smiley with Jiwoo for the past twenty or so hours and in turn Jiwoo, who has been so used to never having her affection returned for the past thirteen years, has been more jumpy and awkward around the older woman. 

Roughly an hour has passed when Jiwoo walks out of that bathroom. She sees both Sooyoung and Chaewon already lying on the bed, fast asleep. With a fond smile on her lips, Jiwoo goes about the room as silently as she could to finish her nightly routine. It takes another half an hour before Jiwoo heads to the extra mattress (which she especially requested from Haseul) by the bed where she would be spending the night. 

Despite living together for six years, the thought of sharing a bed with Sooyoung made Jiwoo feel awkward and uncomfortable. It’s not that Sooyoung makes her uncomfortable per se, but they have always stayed in different rooms and to suddenly sleep on the same bed as Sooyoung, even with Chaewon in between them, was too much for Jiwoo’s heart to take. Jiwoo takes one last look at Sooyoung and Chaewon, smiling when she sees the small child wrapped tightly in her mother’s arms. She then finally settles in on the mattress, ready to sleep the night away. She’s just going to deal with her thoughts some other day.

* * *

Three hours of constant shifting and rolling over on the mattress has Jiwoo sitting up with a frustrated huff. Her body is very, very exhausted and is screaming for her to rest, but her mind makes it hard to fall asleep no matter how hard she tries. Looking to the side, she sees the clock on top of one of the dressers read 2:45 AM. Jiwoo finally gives up on sleep and gets off the mattress to head to the balcony. She’s careful not to make too much noise or open the doors too wide to not wake Sooyoung or Chaewon. 

The early morning breeze is too cold to the skin, making the hairs on Jiwoo’s arms stand. She welcomes the cold with open arms though, breathing in a lungful of the cool air. She leans over the railings, resting her arms on the cold metal bars and looks up at the star-filled sky. A shiver runs down her spine due to the cold, but Jiwoo doesn’t even think to go back inside to maybe even get something to cover herself with. She’s probably going to regret this later if she gets sick, but for now, the cold is doing a pretty decent job of numbing her senses. 

Worrying over Jinsol, Heejin and Chaewon had her preoccupied the whole day, but as the evening wore on and they all settled in for the night, the thoughts that have been bothering Jiwoo the previous night have all resurfaced to the forefront of her mind and made it difficult to sleep. 

Sooyoung kissing her keeps on replaying in her head. Jiwoo still finds it difficult to believe that that actually happened. There were times that she managed to convince herself that the kiss was just a fragment of her imagination, but then she’d look at Sooyoung, who will smile at her warmly and all thoughts cease to exist in Jiwoo’s mind. 

Jiwoo remembers how soft, how sweet Sooyoung’s lips are. She remembers the warmth of Sooyoung’s body and the sweet smell of apricots and honey from Sooyoung’s hair. It still feels surreal, up until now. Finally attaining something after wanting it for so long does make one question the validity of it taking place. The memories are clear as day in Jiwoo’s mind, but the feelings are slowly slipping from the spaces between her fingers despite her trying her best to keep holding onto them. 

For the longest time, Jiwoo has been content with admiring and loving Sooyoung from afar. It started out as an innocent crush. Sooyoung is just too beautiful that she took Jiwoo’s breath away upon first sight. She has hair as dark as the night sky, which looked too soft and silky to the touch. Jiwoo had spent days wondering how it felt like to comb her fingers through that hair. Sooyoung has plump lips that are always painted a blood red, making them alluring to onlookers and admirers alike – and Jiwoo was no exception. Her eyes are a deep, tantalizing pair of obsidian that Jiwoo honestly wouldn’t mind getting lost into. Sooyoung was perfection and Jiwoo’s young heart has been a goner right from the start.

She hadn’t meant to be obsessive with the older woman, and she’s thankful for Jinsol for stopping her in the early stages of her obsession. Otherwise, things might have gone weird and awkward between her and Sooyoung, and that would have absolutely devastated her. Over the years of being friends with Sooyoung, Jiwoo has discovered how much of a good friend Sooyoung is. They started out as casual friends – they weren’t merely acquaintances, but they weren’t actually on the level of Sooyoung&Jinsol&Haseul and Jiwoo&Jungeun. Nevertheless, as long as they were friends, Jiwoo was content. It didn’t matter that seeing Sooyoung be so happy with Kahei hurt too much, she was just happy to have Sooyoung in her life. The older woman served as an inspiration for Jiwoo to strive harder in school, to aim for greatness. Majority of her portfolio, that she used for job applications after college, have been heavily inspired by Sooyoung. 

When Kahei and Sooyoung broke up, Jiwoo found herself constantly by Sooyoung’s side. She didn’t nag at Sooyoung to stop her self-destructive vices post-breakup the way Jinsol did. She also didn’t ask why the two broke up, unlike their other friends. Instead, Jiwoo would stay up late into the wee hours of the morning, waiting for a bartender to call her with Sooyoung’s phone, or sometimes even Sooyoung herself, and she would then pick the intoxicated woman up, driving them to her place and staying up a couple of hours more to tend to Sooyoung before going to sleep herself. She would also wake up at the crack of dawn to make Sooyoung something edible for breakfast, and would spend the rest of the morning helping Sooyoung nurse her hangovers.

Despite not saying anything, Jiwoo did feel Sooyoung’s gratefulness to her through her actions. Being a homebody, Jiwoo rarely went out of her apartment. She’s usually stay in, watch movies, or catch up on some sleep. On the rare days that Sooyoung didn’t go club hopping, she would come over to Jiwoo’s place with bags of takeout in one hand, and a bag of CDs in the other. Sometimes, Jiwoo would find flowers left at her front door with cute little thank you notes tacked on the wrappings, especially on days after she would tend to a drunk Sooyoung.

Jiwoo and Jinsol tended to Sooyoung post-breakup, while Haseul and Jungeun tended to Kahei. It was what worked best for all of them, and it was through taking care of and spending more time with Sooyoung that she and Jiwoo became close friends. 

Being friends with Sooyoung though, became a little too much for Jiwoo’s poor heart. Becoming close to the older woman and getting to know her better with each passing day just made Jiwoo fall for her even more. It was difficult, but Jiwoo pushed on, burying her feelings into the deepest crevices of her heart for she didn’t want to burden Sooyoung more with them. 

When Sooyoung got pregnant, Jiwoo took her in without second thoughts whatsoever. Besides the fact that she was the best choice – because Kahei was already staying at Haseul’s upon Haseul’s parents’ request, while Jinsol and Jungeun were having constant fights – Jiwoo just NEEDED to take care of Sooyoung then. So, for nine long months, Jiwoo endured the mood swings, the crazy cravings that actually made her want to barf, waking up at ungodly hours just to scavenge all over the city for said cravings, and assisting Sooyoung during the last few months of her pregnancy. 

She took care of Sooyoung and her then-unborn child like it was her own, and Jiwoo wouldn’t trade the precious memories for the world despite all the hardships she had to endure. Because going through the pregnancy with Sooyoung made her appreciate and love the other woman even more. Sooyoung is too beautiful, but she was glowing when she still had Chaewon growing inside of her. 

Having Jinsol as a friend though, was a huge blessing for Jiwoo. Being the only person who took of her longing stares and heartbroken smiles concealed behind playful grins, Jinsol has been a huge support to the hurting Jiwoo. Jinsol helped distract Jiwoo from Sooyoung and Kahei when their group were on their outings, and she helped cover for Jiwoo when the latter didn’t really feel like being subject to the sight of Sooyoung and Kahei being sickeningly sweet with each other. 

Even after the couple’s breakup, Jinsol has been a constant support to Jiwoo whenever she felt overwhelmed and lost as to how to help the then hurting Sooyoung. There were also times when Jinsol would wake up in the middle of the night to go food hunting with her, as they blasted girl group songs on the radio to help keep themselves awake.

Jiwoo then recalls the incident with her friends from six years ago, and she feels the familiar feelings of regret, self-blame, and helplessness creep into her heart. She had been happy that day after finally landing the job of her dreams, but her happiness has been short-lived upon arriving at Haseul’s home. The sight of Jungeun crying against Jaehyung’s chest, while Sooyoung and Haseul had the grimmest expressions on their faces was what greeted Jiwoo. Haseul had welcomed her with a tight smile then, and when they headed for the couch, Kahei had pinned both Sooyoung and Kahei with a disappointed glare that actually made the two sink further against their seats.

Jiwoo would have observed them more, to try and piece together some semblance of the events that took place while she was gone. But she found her gaze going to Jungeun and the guy hugging her protectively close, and it was then that things clicked in Jiwoo’s mind. She remembers letting her gaze roam frantically around that room, looking for the familiar mop of blonde hair, and the sinking feeling when she didn’t find Jinsol there. It was the first time in her life that Jiwoo felt absolutely remotely close to being angry, that her friends actually looked equal part shocked and scared when she stood up abruptly, her face contorted into the most menacing expression they have seen on her face.

_“What the fuck is going on?” Jiwoo demanded, her voice an octave lower than usual and her face so serious that all of the people with her actually look at her with fear in their eyes._

_Kim Jiwoo doesn’t get angry._

_That has been a fact ever since they became friends with the bubbly girl about seven years ago. Well, up until this moment. And to see Jiwoo actually have a scowl on her usually smiling face looks so weird – and somehow intimidating – to all of them. The kindest of people really do get scary when they’re angry._

_“Where is Jinsol?” asks again when no one answers her previous question, and this time her gaze lands on Jaehyung and Jungeun, who’s looking at her with teary, bloodshot eyes. Jiwoo actually feels her blood boil in rage when she puts two and two together._

_“Jiwoo, please, calm down first okay? I’ll explain things to you, but please stop being angry for a moment,” Kahei pleads with her, and Jiwoo finds herself actually taking in deep breaths to reign in her rage._

_When Jiwoo has visibly calmed, Kahei then proceeded to hesitantly tell her of what happened that day. With every word falling from Kahei’s lips, the irritation and annoyance bubble up in the pit of Jiwoo’s stomach. What Haseul and Sooyoung did to Jinsol was so unfair, and she absolutely detests it. It wasn’t entirely Jinsol’s fault, that much Jiwoo knew. It was why she refused to take sides between Jinsol and Jungeun, but Haseul and Sooyoung just blindly tried to turn everything against their friend. Jiwoo turns to the two with a very disappointed look in her eyes, and she sees Sooyoung visibly deflate even more._

_“You two have been total jerks to Jinsol today, and for that, I am very disappointed. No matter what you think or believe, there will always be two sides to every story. I can’t believe you both said all those hurtful words to Jinsol without hearing her side first. And I thought you were her best friends, especially you, Sooyoung.”_

_Jiwoo then turns her gaze away from the two guilty-looking women towards Jungeun and the guy still holding her in his embrace. Jiwoo’s jaws clench painfully tight as she tries her best to hold back all the hurtful things she oh so badly wanted to say._

_“I’m most disappointed in you, Jungeun. You should have just told her that you’re already seeing someone else. God, Jungeun, all you asked for was a temporary break, a cool-off. You knew she loved you too much. She was waiting patiently, trying her best to keep her promise of giving you space despite the fact that she wanted to see you so badly.”_

_Jiwoo left it at that, pinning her heated gaze on the man who turns his gaze away upon seeing the anger in Jiwoo’s eyes. Jiwoo’s words trigger another batch of fresh tears from Jungeun, and while her best friend’s sobs wrenched her heart so painfully, Jiwoo ignored it as she refocused on Haseul and Sooyoung, and now even including Kahei._

_“You all knew about this, didn’t you? And none of you never even bothered to think of telling Jinsol. Just, what kind of friends are you?”_

_With that, Jiwoo storms out of Haseul’s house, with Jinsol’s home in mind as she gets inside her car._

Jiwoo was brought out of her reminiscing when she feels lithe arms slowly wrap around her waist. Her body tenses up when the smell of apricots and honey waft to her nose. She feels a weight settle on her right shoulder, and the warmth of another body flush against her own that chases away the cold. Soft lips press against the junction where her neck and shoulder meet, and Jiwoo closes her eyes as she takes in a deep breath to try and calm the erratic beating of her heart.

“Why are you out here, still awake at this ungodly hour, Jiwoo?” that raspy voice husks against her ear, the feeling of those soft lips brushing against the shell of her ear sending a shiver down Jiwoo’s spine. 

“I . . . I c-can’t sleep . . .” Jiwoo responds in a shaky voice, and she absolutely abhors how weak her knees get when she hears that familiar husky chuckle against her ear.

In the next moment, Jiwoo finds herself being turned around so that she’s now facing Sooyoung. The older woman’s lips are curled up at the edges in a small, fond smile that actually leaves Jiwoo’s heart in a puddle. _She’s too pretty_ is what runs through Jiwoo’s mind, as she finds herself staring at those lips just begging to be kissed. Upon remembering their kiss the night before, a dark blush dusts across her cheeks as she averts her gaze. It’s embarrassing how much she wants to kiss those lips again, to feel them move against her own. 

Sooyoung takes a deep breath, the warm air fanning against Jiwoo’s cheeks. And before she knows it, Sooyoung is already taking a hold of her chin, turning her head so that they’re face to face again, and those sweet, warm lips are against her own once more. It takes a while, for she’s stunned at first, but Jiwoo manages to reciprocate the kiss. Their movements are slow and sweet, nothing is rushed, as if they want to savor and prolong the moment.

But alas, as they are mere mortals who need air to breath, they break away from the kiss soon enough. Jiwoo’s face is bright red as she does her best to keep eye contact with Sooyoung who is smiling widely at her. It takes all of Jiwoo’s self-control to not pull the other woman into yet another kiss. She wants some clarification now, needs to know how the kisses change things between them.

“S-Sooyoung . . . w-what . . . why . . .”

Another sigh falls from Sooyoung’s lips, as she pulls Jiwoo towards her this time, encasing the latter in a warm, tight hug. Jiwoo feels Sooyoung place a kiss on top of her head, and she actually all but melts into the woman’s embrace.

“I love you Jiwoo,” Sooyoung mumbles against her hair, and Jiwoo is stunned, unbelieving, doubtful even, that she heard Sooyoung correctly. She tries to pull away, so that she can look at Sooyoung’s face, but Sooyoung just hugs her even closer, not letting go.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner, but I love you Jiwoo. I’m so, so in love with you that I don’t even know what to do. You don’t know how happy you make me, how thankful I am to have you in my life. I’ve always known of your feelings for me, but I didn’t say anything because I was scared – I was scared that your feelings were temporary and that you would leave me and Chaewon once you find someone better. But seeing you with Chaewon last night, and witnessing how you and my daughter love each other so much, made me realize that I don’t want to lose you in my life.”

Sooyoung pulls back a bit then, so that she and Jiwoo can look at each other. They both have tears welling in their eyes, but their lips are curled up into the happiest of smiles as they looked at each other with stars and love in their eyes. 

They lean in again, this time meeting each other halfway. And Jiwoo could feel Sooyoung’s smile against her lips, can taste the “I love you’s” behind every peck, until her lips curl up into a smile of her own. They still have some things to talk about, to iron out, but Jiwoo pushes these thoughts to the back of her head as she moves her lips languidly against Sooyoung’s in their most passionate kiss just yet.

Maybe Jiwoo would get to love Sooyoung the way she wants to after all.

* * *

“Why are you still awake?”

The sleepy, gravelly voice of her wife breaks Haseul from her thoughts as Kahei shifts on the bed beside her. Haseul is quick to help her very pregnant wife sit up, before turning on their bedside lamp so that they can see each other better.

Kahei’s eyes are still drooping as she does her best to fight off sleep, and she just looks so, so adorable that Haseul falls even more. Haseul smiles, leaning over to place a quick peck against Kahei’s lips. This successfully makes the other woman smile at her. Haseul takes Kahei’s hands and places a gentle kiss on each palm.

“Sorry for waking you, Love,” Haseul says softly, guiding Kahei’s hands to cup her cheek.

“It’s okay. What was keeping you up?”

They shift on the bed to find a more comfortable position for Kahei, and they end up sitting side by side against the headboard. Haseul wraps an arm around Kahei and holds her close.

“I was just thinking about the events earlier today.”

Kahei doesn’t respond, tightening her hold around Haseul’s waist instead. She kisses Haseul’s neck once, twice, thrice, until she feels Haseul’s lips against her temple.

“One step at a time, Haseul,” Kahei mumbles against Haseul’s skin. “We’ll all fix things with Jinsol one at a time. Things may be hard and awkward now, but things would get better. Slowly but surely, okay?” Kahei tells her, looking up at her with the brightest eyes shining with love and reassurance. 

The smile on Kahei’s face eases the worry in Haseul’s heart, as she feels her own lips curve into a smile. She leans down, capturing Kahei’s lips in a tender kiss. Haseul feels her heart race with the immense love she has for this woman. So, she reaches for one of Kahei’s hands and places it over her heart, smiling at Kahei with nothing but love in her eyes.

“Feel that? It beats like that only for you. I don’t know what good deed I’ve done in the past to deserve you, but there’s not a day that I’m not thankful to have you in my life. I love you so, so much Kahei. Please don’t ever forget that.”

The smile on Kahei’s lips widens as she presses her forehead against Haseul’s, the tips of their noses touching, their lips mere centimeters apart. With one last kiss, Kahei mutters the contents of her heart.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry for the delay of this chapter. I’ve just been dealing with a lot of things so I didn’t have much time to write. I do hope that the 9.2k words are enough to make up for my tardiness. 
> 
> I’m not gonna say much now because I’m tired. I apologize for any mistakes. I have not the time to proofread. But I do hope you guys enjoy this chapter even though /I think/ it’s messy. Please do tell me your thoughts. Point out mistakes if you will, so I can correct them. And lastly, thank you so much for being patient with me. I hope to see y’all again on the next update.


	6. Time

_It wasn’t supposed to happen._

_Jungeun wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him, yet Choi Jaehyung’s charming smiles and sweet-talking tongue managed to catch Jungeun’s heart hook, line, and sinker. It also didn’t help that he was the one who was always there for her when her relationship with Jinsol started spiraling downwards. He was a classmate whom she considered a good friend ever since they met freshman year. She just never really considered looking at him as a romantic interest because she was with Jinsol since high school, and has been in love with the older girl for far longer than that._

_But he was there for her when Jinsol would cancel on their plans or miss their dates. Jaehyung was always beside her doing his best to lift the pain in her heart. And Jungeun eventually, along with Jinsol’s constant absence, fell for him. Jungeun didn’t know what to do – even though she did love Jaehyung, she loved Jinsol still. She was, after all, Jungeun’s first everything. So, she did what she thought was best that time – she asked for a break from their relationship. She could see that Jinsol didn’t really want to, could see the desperation and hurt from Jinsol’s ever expressive eyes. And Jungeun would be lying if she said that there wasn’t a part of her that wished for Jinsol to fight for them, for her. But Jinsol has always, always given Jungeun whatever it is that she wanted._

_So, with a broken look in her eyes and with one last trembling, desperate kiss that left Jungeun burning and yearning for more, Jinsol gave Jungeun the break that she asked for. It broke Jungeun’s heart, for she knows that she’s hurt the older girl. But she’s hurting too, and it’s a common occurrence in their relationship as of late. She’s just tired of hurting and hoping for things to change. This break is for the best for the both of them, is what Jungeun firmly believed._

_The months following their break sees Jungeun falling more in love with Choi Jaehyung and his funny, quirky yet adorable antics. It’s like the past months of heartbreaks with Jinsol never even occurred – that’s just how great he made her feel after months of constant pain and suffering. She even forgot that she hasn’t even officially ended things with Jinsol yet – has also forgotten that the older woman is still waiting for her, hoping that things between the two of them would get fixed with time._

_It isn’t until that uneventful day at Haseul’s house that Jungeun was slapped harshly in the face by reality. It’s like a bucket of ice cold water has been dumped all over Jungeun’s head as soon as Jinsol stepped into view, the former’s gut twisting with anxiety and guilt. Jungeun would never forget that day. Because all this time that she’s known Jinsol – and they’ve been friends since Jungeun can remember – she’s never seen Jinsol that hurt or that angry._

_The memory makes bile rise up to Jungeun’s throat, as she rushes to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. Unruly tears slip past her eyes and down her cheeks as she retches continuously, hands settling above her now protruding belly. She remembers the utter brokenness on Jinsol’s face once she realized Jungeun’s condition. There’s that sudden, sharp pang in her chest again that leaves behind a torturous burning in her heart – she missed Jinsol and she deeply regrets hurting the older woman._

_One thing that that day made Jungeun realize is that she’s still so, so in love with Jinsol. She loves Jaehyung, don’t get her wrong, but her feelings for the guy are a mere flicker if compared to the burning passion she has for her ex-girlfriend._

_Ex-girlfriend? Are they really over?_

_Jinsol had been so angry and so hurt that she probably loathes Jungeun with all her being now. It’s only logical though, given what Jungeun had done to her. And besides, Jungeun is carrying Jaehyung’s child now – the result of one drunken night spent together. Despite that, Jungeun doesn’t consider it a mistake, doesn’t even regret it one bit. For her child might not be born yet, but she would never consider her own child a mistake nor a regret. She already loves them so much._

_But Jungeun’s parents as well as Jaehyung’s have already been making preparations for their wedding, just because he got her pregnant. Jungeun’s father, as someone who loved Jinsol so much as if she was his own, was the only one against the marriage at first. But his wife talked to him – the things she said, Jungeun has absolutely no idea – and has eventually managed to get him to agree._

_The thought of Jinsol hating her and never wanting to see her face again sets off another batch of fresh, hot tears as Jungeun slumps on the floor, now done retching. She misses Jinsol so, so much and she desperately wants to talk to her. But Jiwoo advised them – Jungeun, Haseul, Sooyoung more so than Kahei – to give Jinsol more time to cool off as she’s still very much hurt and spiteful. It’s been two weeks since then all Jungeun wants is to see Jinsol._

_Oh how she misses Jinsol so._

* * *

 

It’s been a weird couple of weeks since Jinsol and Heejin moved back to Korea. After fixing her friendship with both Haseul and Kahei, Jinsol found herself getting dragged to all of the group’s get-togethers, whether they were with the children or not. It was painstakingly awkward for Jinsol most of the time, what with Sooyoung and Jungeun also being there. But she tried her best to hide how uncomfortable she really was, for the sake of Heejin who has finally found a family in Jinsol’s old friends and their kids, and for the sake of Jiwoo and Kahei who Jinsol has always had trouble saying no to. 

Everything’s going well, as Jinsol could see how Heejin has become the happiest she’s ever been. It makes warmth creep to Jinsol’s heart, for she’s never seen her daughter happier than she was with Hyunjin, Chaewon, Yerim and Hyejoo. Even Haseul, Kahei, Sooyoung, and Jungeun have quickly become fond of her energetic little bunny, while Jinsol found herself loving the other kids all the same. 

Chaewon has definitely inherited Sooyoung’s mischief, as Jinsol can see the familiar glint in the child’s eyes whenever she was being playful. Even her playful grins remind Jinsol of Sooyoung way too much; even though Jinsol could also see bits of Jiwoo in the little child, whenever she’s being too quirky or too adorable. And despite not being theirs biologically, the sisters Hyunjin and Hyejoo have come to adopt some of Haseul’s and Kahei’s antics as well. Hyunjin is as playful as Kahei was when they were younger, and has even taken after her older mother’s love of food, with the child also adopting Haseul’s tendency to be a perfectionist and a nitpicker when it comes to the things she likes. 

Hyejoo, on the other hand, is as calm and collected as Haseul, and is as adorably soft and playful as Kahei. The child makes Jinsol want to coddle her all the damn time. Yerim – looking at Yerim makes Jinsol feel nostalgic and hurt, and fond and protective all at the same time. The child has inherited Jungeun’s smile – from the curve of her lips, to the way her eyes vanish behind two pairs of crescent moons. Jinsol loves seeing Yerim smile, but at the same time, the sight also kills her inside. Yerim is Jungeun’s daughter through and through, and the adorable little child is a painful reminder for Jinsol that she’s truly lost the greatest love of her life. It stings – scratch that, it burns, and yet Jinsol couldn’t help but fall in love with cutie little Yerim’s charms as well.

She loves all these children very much, and she would do literally anything, to be able to always keep a smile on their faces.

Time spent with the children is time well spent for Jinsol. They could be all too much sometimes, especially when they’re all being hyperactive after being fed sweets, but Jinsol honestly loves spending time with all of them. It’s honestly been an uneventful five weeks for Jinsol, as she spends her days just being with the children from morning until afternoon and then working from then until night. Another promotion just a couple of months back propelled Jinsol’s position in the company quite far up the hierarchy, and now she’s afforded the comfort of being able to work from home. She just needs to come to the office once or twice every two weeks for her regular reports, and if there is an emergency in the company that requires her presence.

All in all, Jinsol’s enjoying her life back home. Although there are still some moments when she feels like running away all over again. The urge is strongest especially during times that she’d catch herself in a staring match with either Sooyoung or Jungeun. Or when she’d notice Sooyoung hovering nearby, skepticism clearly showing on the other woman’s face as she looked like she wanted to approach Jinsol so bad. 

Jinsol is quick to avoid her though, hurriedly approaching either Jiwoo or Kahei just so she wouldn’t have to face Sooyoung just yet. It’s not like she doesn’t want to fix things with the other woman, but Jinsol feels like she’s not ready to talk to Sooyoung just yet. She told Jiwoo this one night, when they were out drinking while Haseul and Kahei babysat the kids, quickly muttering an apology to Sooyoung’s girlfriend – the two have finally announced their relationship a week after their first sleepover all together. 

Jiwoo – sweet, kind, and understanding Kim Jiwoo – merely smiled at her with a slight shake of the head, placing a hand on her shoulder comfortingly as she looked her straight in the eyes. Jiwoo gave her shoulder a light squeeze then, telling her that she had nothing to apologize for and that she shouldn’t feel obligated to talk to Sooyoung anytime soon. “Take all the time that you need Jinsol, and talk to her only when you feel like you’re ready to,” is what Jiwoo told her then, and Jinsol was able to expel the breath she wasn’t aware she was holding, as she sagged against the backrest of her seat. 

It has been a little over four weeks since their first sleepover, and they’re currently at a party to celebrate both Heejin’s and Jiwoo’s birthdays together. It has been planned to just celebrate the two’s birthday together since they’re only a day apart anyway, and all preparations have been done by everyone. Jinsol was reluctant to join in at first, but figured that her daughter’s happiness is what really matters so they were able to convince her to help with the planning in the end.

And now, here they are in Jiwoo’s family’s vacation house in Jeju for the said party.

* * *

 

As someone who was often seen as a bright, playful, and outgoing person, Jinsol actually prefers being alone and loves the calmness and silence that accompany the solitude. It hadn’t been obvious before, but Jinsol actually loved to spend time just being by herself, getting lost in her own thoughts and basking in the beauty of her surroundings. It calms her, and is what she usually does whenever she gets overwhelmed by anything and everything around her. That’s why, after getting quite overwhelmed at the party that is for her daughter and best friend, Jinsol stealthily slipped away from the crowd and went out to the beach for a breath of fresh air. 

It’s nearing midnight and while all the kids have been already tucked in bed, all the adults – Jinsol’s friends’ guests included – are still up and partying for Jiwoo’s birthday. A wry smile tugs at the corners of Jinsol’s lips as she remembers how her body tensed when she saw Jungeun’s parents and husband earlier. She noticed the way the older couple’s eyes widened, noticed the shock painted on their faces once they saw her. Jinsol can’t blame them though. It has been a while since they have last seen her after all.

Her relationship with Jungeun’s parents was what one can consider total polar opposites. Jungeun’s father was probably Jinsol’s favorite amongst her friends’ parents, the old man being like a second father to her. The man loved her as if she was his own, teaching her a lot of things ranging from changing her car’s tires to fishing and hiking, and even taking her to watch baseball and football games with him. He treated her like he would a guy had Jungeun dated a boy back then, and Jinsol would forever be grateful and would always love the man for everything’s he’s done for her.

Jungeun’s mother, on the other hand, never really liked her for Jungeun. Mrs. Kim can probably be considered the epitome of a conservative Christian, so it goes without saying that she’d dislike Jinsol as her daughter’s girlfriend so much. It’s kind of sad and a bit painful, because the woman had adored Jinsol before she and Jungeun announced to all of their loved ones that they were dating. Jinsol’s just thankful that Mrs. Kim wasn’t openly hostile towards her and her relationship with Jungeun despite her dislike. Jinsol reckons that Mr. Kim had something to do with it, and even with Mrs. Kim not getting in the way of her relationship with Jungeun before, and it adds to the list of things that Jinsol is grateful for the old man. 

Despite her distance, Jinsol still hears the muted noises coming from the beach house not far away, but she doesn’t mind. Because the sound of the waves crashing against the sand, and the cool night breeze whizzing past are enough to distract her from everything else. She walks closer to the shore, just until the cold water splashes softly against her feet, and she takes a seat on the sands to stare up at the dark night sky littered with stars.

With the kids having been tucked to bed, Jinsol had begun craving for some peace and solitude, just to escape the stifling feeling of being surrounded by people she didn’t know, and people she’s just not ready to interact with. She figured that taking a short walk along the beach would help ease the anxiety she felt over being surrounded by a lot of unfamiliar faces, so she quietly and discreetly slipped out of the house, not even bothering to tell anyone of her intentions as she figured that all of them must’ve been drunk as hell to understand anyway. 

Now, here she is, sat against the coarse Jeju sands as she looks up at the stars twinkling brightly in the skies. Her lips curl up into a wry smile as a particular memory forces itself into the forefront of her mind, invading her thoughts and constricting her heart painfully in a way that only memories from the distant past can do. 

_"You're quite fond of stars, aren't you?"_

_Jinsol doesn't have to turn around to know who's approaching her. She would recognize that voice anywhere - it's been hardwired into her system, into her being, and she'd probably fall into the fiery pits of hell first before even forgetting for a second who owns that uniquely melodic, nasally voice._

_The other person stands beside her, also leaning against the railing of Jinsol’s balcony. Jinsol turns to the side to look at the newcomer, and she feels her heart begin to race when she sees those blood red lips curled up into a beautiful smile. They’ve known each other their whole lives, and they’ve been friends for just as long, yet Jinsol still finds the other girl’s beauty knocking the breath out of her every single time._

_A soft “Jungeun” slips past Jinsol’s lips, prompting the younger woman to tear her gaze from the skies to look Jinsol in the eyes. Jinsol feels her stomach twist and churn at the unadulterated adoration she sees in Jungeun’s eyes, and she can’t help but reach her hands up to cup those rosy cheeks. Jungeun leans into her touch, turning her head to the side to place the gentlest of kisses against Jinsol’s palm. The action successfully sends the older girl’s heart into overdrive, filling her stomach with rampaging butterflies and knocking the breath out of her lungs. Not being able to stop herself, Jinsol finally leans in, capturing Jungeun’s lips in a soft, gentle kiss._

_God, how she loved Jungeun so._

Hearing footsteps approaching from somewhere behind, Jinsol is pulled away from her thoughts, turning slowly to look at the person approaching. Jinsol feels her blood run cold when her gaze lands on those hauntingly familiar dark eyes. The evening breeze sweeps against the woman’s – now – blonde hair, and Jinsol couldn’t help but think how she kind of resembles an angel right now. Jinsol wills herself to snap out of her daze, wills herself to walk away. But her feet are completely useless and are glued to the ground, and she curses herself for how she’s still affected by the younger woman’s presence alone up until now. 

Jungeun stops a mere three feet away, and the two of them just stood there staring at each other. It’s been so long yet Jungeun remains the most beautiful person Jinsol has ever laid eyes on. The younger woman has aged beautifully, and while twenty eight is still fairly young, Jungeun was merely twenty two when Jinsol last saw her. Jungeun’s For once, Jinsol let herself be selfish as she let her eyes drink in the sight of the first and last woman she will ever love, noticing all the changes and taking note of everything that stayed the same. Jungeun seems to be doing the exact same thing, and Jinsol could feel her heart painfully beating against her ribcage. 

“Hi . . .” Jungeun’s soft voice shatters the silence of the night, snapping Jinsol from whatever Jungeun-induced daze she was in. 

With a subtle shake of the head, Jinsol tries to focus on the girl before her. She wills the corners of her lips to turn upwards, though she’s quite sure that her smile must be the most forced smile in the entire world to date. Jungeun seems to take notice of this, but thankfully says nothing about it. 

There’s that slight aching inside her chest again, a weak sensation yet still sends a thrumming feeling to her heart. Jinsol takes the time to look into Jungeun’s eyes, like properly look at them, and she gets quite surprised at the intensity of the sadness she sees in them. Her gut twists and her heart wrenches as she takes note of the glossy, faraway look in them.

It’s obvious that the events from six years ago are still haunting them to this day. And it’s obvious that they’re both still very much hurting. Maybe it’s time that they finally work towards the closure that they both obviously need. Maybe it’s time that they finally talk about what the hell happened to them, to their relationship. Gathering all of the remaining courage she has left, Jinsol sends another smile Jungeun’s way, this time a bit more genuine. This seems to have surprised Jungeun a bit.

Jinsol then takes a seat on the warm sands, patting the space beside her and motioning for Jungeun to take a seat. Jinsol hesitantly sits down beside her.

“So . . . I think it’s time we finally talk.”


	7. Finally (Part I)

_“Do you ever find yourself thinking about the future?”_

_Jinsol tears her attention away from the TV screen to look at the girl who has her head lying on her lap. It’s their usual date night and the two of them decided to just stay in and spend time together in Jinsol’s cozy apartment. They’re currently watching a movie in the living room after having Chinese takeout for dinner._

_Jungeun’s playing with Jinsol’s fingers absentmindedly, something that the younger girl usually does when she’s bothered by something or is simply just in one of her contemplative moods. A small, fond smile makes its way to Jinsol’s lips when she notices the slight crease on Jungeun’s forehead. She smooths the lines away with her free hand, before leaning down to place a soft kiss against the younger girl’s forehead._

_“I do. Sometimes . . . Usually when I can’t sleep at night. What brought up this question anyway?” the fond smile on Jinsol’s lips is still there when Jungeun looks up at her. The latter looks so cute with her pursed lips and furrowed brows that Jinsol couldn’t help but lean down to steal a kiss on her lips._

_The action catches Jungeun off guard, and Jinsol could see the rosy tints blooming across the younger girl’s cheeks as she tries her hardest not to smile. Jinsol, on the other hand, just lets her smile grow into a full-blown grin as she looks at Jungeun with nothing but love in her eyes. With her free hand, Jinsol combs through Jungeun’s hair with her fingers._

_“I don’t think about the future that much, to be honest. You know me. I like to live life in the moment and all that jazz. I mean, why think of the future when I can focus on my life right now? The future’s full of uncertainties, full of the unknown. We don’t exactly know what’s going to happen, say five, ten years from now. Hell, we don’t even have any idea what to expect tomorrow. That’s why I don’t like to think about it that much. But the times I do, there’s always you in it. You’re my life, you know. I can’t imagine a future without you, Kim Jungeun.”_

* * *

A soft sigh falls from Jinsol’s lips, cutting through the very thick tension between her and Jungeun as they sat in uncomfortable silence on the cool, coarse beach sands. It sends a slight pang to Jinsol’s heart, for things have never been awkward between the two of them - well, before the end of their relationship that is. It’s painful how a single breakup has caused so much damage to so many relationships, and thinking about all the wasted time spent hurting and hating makes Jinsol want to cry. The only good thing that Jinsol managed to get out of the breakup was meeting Heeyeon and ultimately having Heejin in her life now. Another sigh falls from her lips as she brings her gaze towards the sky once more. 

Jinsol doesn’t take her eyes off the starry skies, but she can see Jungeun turning to look at her from her peripheral vision. They’ve been sitting next to each other without speaking for the past twenty minutes and it absolutely does nothing to calm the storm currently raging inside Jinsol’s mind. She doesn’t know how to feel, doesn’t really have any exact idea what to think, let alone say. Her mind is in utter chaos and her heart is currently on a rampage as she sat so close to the girl she once considered her whole world.

Jinsol’s currently at a loss as to what to do. She knows she has all the right to be angry, to be spiteful, after what the younger woman had done to her all those years ago. But she also knows that she’s not completely innocent here either. And looking at Jungeun – taking notice of the sadness in her eyes, of her slumped shoulders and the melancholic aura surrounding her – Jinsol couldn’t help but feel her heart melt a little. It’s like a switch has been turned on inside of her and all of a sudden, she knows what to do. It won’t be easy, and she tries to assess herself if she’s ready for what she’s about to do. And she realizes that she is. She’s nervous as hell but she’s also tired of running away. She wants to fix this, fix things with Jungeun once and for all. 

Jinsol almost laughs. Six long years and a whole world of heartache later, yet Jungeun could still make Jinsol fall to her knees at her feet with just the slightest pout on her lips. Jinsol has never been good at ignoring or denying Jungeun anyway.

Gathering all of the remaining courage she has left, Jinsol gently bumps her shoulders with Jungeun’s, surprising the latter a bit that she jumps a little as a yelp escapes her lips. Jinsol couldn’t help but chuckle, finding the reaction adorable, as she lets her back hit the cool sand, using her hands as her pillows as she lies down on the sand. Jungeun twists her body a bit so she can look down at Jinsol’s face.

There’s a small melancholic smile on Jinsol’s lips as she shifts her gaze from the skies to Jungeun’s face, and she nods her head a bit to the side to signal Jungeun to lie down beside her. Jungeun only hesitates for a brief moment before lying down beside Jinsol, pinning her gaze on the night sky again. It feels too familiar, feels too much like how they’ve been before, causing their hearts to ache and race at the same time. They lie in silence for a little while, gazes locked on the dark skies littered with millions upon millions of twinkling stars, each woman lost in her own thoughts.

It isn’t until Jinsol speaks that the silence between them is broken. Her voice is soft, almost a whisper, when she speaks that Jungeun is sure that she wouldn’t have heard had she not been lying so close to Jinsol.

“I’m sorry.”

Jungeun freezes up at that, caught off guard at the unexpected apology. Why is Jinsol the one apologizing when it was Jungeun who did her wrong? Sure, Jinsol had neglected her and had cancelled on one too many of their dates, but Jungeun is pretty sure that the pain she felt was nothing compared to the pain she dealt Jinsol with. So why in the world is she the one saying sorry?

Jinsol must’ve sensed Jungeun about to protest, because she shushes her quickly as she continues to speak. There is no malice in her voice, not even the slightest hint of bitterness or resentment, and the familiar soft lilt of her voice brings tears to Jungeun’s eyes as she settles back down to listen to what Jinsol has to say.

“Don’t argue with me on this one please. You weren’t the only one at fault you know. I realized that after I moved away. I had my own shortcomings too, and I’ve neglected you. We were both at fault for what happened to us – to our relationship. And even though I still find myself wishing for things to have happened differently, we can’t really change the past. All we can do now is try our best to forgive each other for our faults and move on.”

Jungeun’s full on crying by the time Jinsol finishes talking, and all the older woman could do is smile at her sadly and pull her against her body in a warm embrace. It warms Jinsol’s heart to know that Jungeun’s still such a crybaby even after all these years. Jungeun keeps on muttering apology after apology in between her sobs as Jinsol shushes her softly, gently tracing comforting circles against her back. 

It’s kind of weird because Jinsol knows she should be crying by now as well. But there is a smile on her lips where there should be a frown, and all she could feel at the moment is relieved, like a very huge weight has been lifted from her heart. She really thought that she wasn’t ready to be confronted by Jungeun yet, was expecting for her flight instincts to be triggered once she finds herself being alone with the younger woman. But seeing Jungeun’s tear-stained face and the broken look in her eyes completely tore down the walls that Jinsol painstakingly built around her heart. 

Her heart hurt upon seeing Jungeun hurting, and it was then that she came upon some bitter realizations. First is that she still could never stand seeing Jungeun in any sort of pain, and that she’d rather be the one hurting instead of the younger woman. And last, is that she’s still completely, irrevocably, undeniably in love with Kim Jungeun. Jungeun is still the love of her life and that is a fact that might never change. Jinsol accepts this in silent defeat as the smile on her lips slowly turn wry. She shakes her head a bit to shake the thoughts from her head. She’ll have to deal with that some other time. Right now, she should focus on trying to repair her relationship with Jungeun. They were, after all, best friends even before they started dating all those years ago. 

It takes a while before Jungeun finally calms from her crying, as the two of them lay under the starry skies. Jinsol sighs yet again, closing her eyes as she formulates the words she still wants to say. Forgiving each other is the first step to moving on, and they’ve still got a long way to go. But at least they’ve gotten over step one now.

_One step at a time, Jung Jinsol. One step at a time_ , she reminds herself. 

Without looking at the crying woman beside her, Jinsol continues with her speech. Jungeun merely listens, sniffling from time to time as tears leaked from her eyes. 

“Like what I told Haseul, I’ve already forgiven all of you. And I hope you can forgive me too. It’s the only way we can start moving on from our past. But even though I forgave you years ago, I still can’t forget all those horrible, horrible memories, Jungeun. 

So I’m asking for forgiveness and understanding in advance, because it may still take some time before I feel fully comfortable with all of you again. I need to learn how to trust all of you with my heart again. Because honestly? It took me years to even be remotely okay, and I am terrified of the thought of getting hurt by all of you again. But I’m also tired. 

I’m tired of holding onto the pain and bitterness. I want to let go of every bad memory I have since that day. But I can’t do this alone. I can’t do this on my own Jungeun. I need your help. Please, please help me forget so I can let go of these feelings that keep haunting me to this day.”

Jinsol’s voice shakes with every word falling from her lips, as she feels the familiar constriction of her heart. There’s that ache again, never once dulling in intensity for the past six years. Her lips quiver as she takes in shaky breath after shaky breath, yet her eyes remain dry. She’s finally ran out of tears to cry and it’s so painful yet also liberating how she can finally get these feelings off her chest. 

With every word that leaves Jinsol’s lips, a tear falls from Jungeun’s eyes as she’s hit with a great sense of remorse. Years’ worth of guilt and heartache crashes upon her, and suddenly, Jungeun’s too overwhelmed to the point of suffocating. She gasps for breath as tears continue to fall from her eyes, but strong, lithe arms snake beneath her nape and around her waist and she’s pulled against a warm and very much familiar body that she finds herself calming down in an instant. 

It’s been years yet her body would never fail to recognize Jinsol’s own, which always held her in the most loving way. Jungeun automatically relaxes against Jinsol’s warmth, her body sagging against the familiar comfort and the older woman’s familiar lilac scent calming her down immensely. 

More than half a decade of not being together and yet, Jung Jinsol is still Kim Jungeun’s safe haven. 

“Sshhh . . . It’s okay Jungeun. We’re gonna be okay,” Jinsol whispers against Jungeun’s hair as she rubs comforting circles against the younger woman’s back. And Jungeun believes her.

Right then, as they lay on the coarse beach sands of Jeju island with Jinsol holding Jungeun in her arms, and under the billions of stars twinkling against the dark night sky, Jinsol’s and Jungeun’s hearts felt the closest to being remotely whole again after so many years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So . . . this might possibly be the shortest chapter I’ve published yet. T^T  
> I’m so sorry everyone! This chap was originally supposed to be longer. Like, I was planning on fixing lipsoul and yvesoul in one chapter. But I have been very much busy and I just recently realized that It’ll be almost two months since my last update :<
> 
> I feel so horrible for not updating so long that I decided to just split this chap into two parts so that y’all won’t have to wait longer. I’ll have a bit of free time next week so hopefully I can finish the second half of this by then.
> 
> Also, chapter 6 has been up on aff for more than a month now. But I forgot to post it here. I am so so sorry for forgetting T^T
> 
> I’m so sorry for not being able to update frequently guys. Uni’s literally draining the life out of me and I barely have time for myself. I hope y’all understand. See you guys on the next update.
> 
> Please feel free to let me know how you think about this chapter :)) Your comments make my day a bit better.


	8. Finally (Part II)

Forgiving Sooyoung comes easy for Jinsol after her talk with Jungeun.

With both Sooyoung and Jinsol herself not being expressive of their feelings through words, all it took was a genuine smile from Jinsol for Sooyoung to jump into her arms.

_Sooyoung bawls her eyes out as she buries her face into the crook of Jinsol’s neck, muttering apologies one after the other against Jinsol’s skin. Jinsol merely shushes her softly, whispering words of comfort to the obviously overwhelmed woman as she pats her on the back comfortingly. Like what she told the others before her best friend, Jinsol narrated the past six years of her life to Sooyoung, which triggers another set of fresh hot tears from the raven-haired beauty. Jinsol just laughs in amusement as she reaches for the box of tissues to help wipe Sooyoung’s tears._

This all happened about a week after they all returned from Jeju, during their kids’ playdate at Haseul’s and Kahei’s place. They’re all meeting at Haseul’s now, because Kahei is due to give birth soon and is not fit to travel about anymore. Another week has passed since then, and they’re all back at Haseul’s and Kahei’s home now, with the children watching movies in the video room while the adults are all at the kitchen watching Sooyoung and Jinsol cook. There’s a bottle of red wine on the table which Haseul, Jungeun, and Jiwoo share while Kahei drinks warm milk from her favorite mug.

She’s still kind of awkward with all of her friends, sans Jiwoo of course, but Jinsol’s relationship with them just keeps on improving with each passing day. Add to that the fact that Heejin is the happiest she’s ever seen her. Jinsol couldn’t help but feel genuinely happy with how things are turning out for them. Having been too caught up in her thoughts though, made Jinsol temporarily unaware of her current surroundings and what she’s currently doing. That is, until a sharp pain on her left hand pulls her out of her thoughts.

Jinsol stills, dropping the knife in her right hand, then gapes at the red liquid flowing from the fresh gash on her left palm. It doesn’t register immediately in her mind that she just cut herself, and she would’ve continued staring if not for Sooyoung who gasps loudly at the sight of her bloodied hand. The sound instantly garners the attention of the other four occupants of the kitchen, and they all rush to Jinsol’s side to see what has happened. Kahei and Jiwoo gasp out loud, while Haseul and Jungeun just gape at the deep gash on Jinsol’s skin.

There’s a brief moment of stillness wherein no one moves, just staring at Jinsol’s hand and the pool of blood on the counter that continuously gets bigger with each passing second. It’s Jungeun who recovers first, her instincts kicking in as she surges forward to grab a washcloth on the sink. She then grabs Jinsol’s injured hand carefully, placing it directly under the faucet to wash away the blood with running water. The others, who were finally able to snap out of their daze, step back and watch as they let Jungeun deal with Jinsol’s injury. After washing the wound, Jungeun wraps Jinsol’s hand with the washcloth before she pulls the older woman to the comfort room, where she knows Haseul keeps a first aid kit.

Jungeun makes Jinsol sit on the closed lid of the toilet bowl, guiding the latter’s right hand so that she’s holding onto her injured hand securely. She then turns around and rummages through the small cabinet where Haseul keeps her medical supplies for emergencies such as this one. Jungeun grabs some gauze, iodine solution, and medical tape before turning back to Jinsol, who sits on the toilet seat quietly as she regards Jungeun with attentive eyes. The younger woman doesn’t notice though, for her body’s still moving on autopilot as she starts cleaning Jinsol’s wound. 

A comfortable silence blankets the two of them as Jungeun quietly treats the cut on Jinsol’s hand, while the latter merely watches on in silent admiration. Jungeun’s movements are quick and precise, as if she’s done this a ton of times already and her body has been too accustomed to it that she’s now moving on auto-pilot. A small smile curls up the corners of Jinsol’s lips as she remembers sixteen-year-old Kim Jungeun enthusiastically telling her about the younger’s dreams of becoming a nurse.

“The wound is a bit deep, but it’s not deep enough to require stitches,” Jungeun mutters after she’s finished dressing the wound with gauze. Jinsol’s lips quirk up a bit more as she quietly utters her thanks to the younger woman.

They’re both silent for quite a while, just staring right into each other’s eyes and melting deep inside from each other’s gaze. It’s as if nothing else in the world matters to them as they stayed inside that cramped comfort room, with Jinsol sat on the toilet seat and Jungeun knelt before her. The tension between the two of them is so thick that Jinsol feels physically suffocated by it. Her heart beats irregularly fast against her ribcage and her hands are starting to get a bit clammy. It’s getting harder to breath with each passing second as she continues to gaze into Jungeun’s dark eyes. Jinsol thinks about how they’re the most beautiful pair she’s ever seen in her life.

Even though it pains her to do so, Jinsol’s the first one to look away. It merely took cute little Yerim’s face flashing in her mind for her to tear her gaze from those eyes that she loves so much. Things are different now, and even though it kills Jinsol deep inside, she has to accept the fact that she and Jungeun are just never meant to be. The younger woman has her own family now, a husband who loves her so much, and an adorable little angel who’s borne from their mutual love of each other. And Jinsol has Heejin now.

Jinsol has to swallow down the lump that’s suddenly lodged in her throat, muttering another soft thank you to the younger woman before she quickly gets up and scurries away from the comfort room. Her eyes burn with tears she tries her hardest to keep at bay, as she rushes out of the house through the backdoor for a much needed breath of fresh air. God knows how much she needs to clear her mind right then.  


* * *

  
“I knew I’d find you here.”

Jinsol doesn’t bother turning around to look at the newcomer, for she’d recognize that voice even from miles away. She keeps her gaze locked on the skies instead, as the setting sun bathed the surroundings in different hues of red and orange. The swing Jinsol is on shakes slightly as the one beside it gets occupied. There’s nothing but silence as the seconds ticked by, and Jinsol is aware that her friend is merely waiting for her to talk first. With a sigh, Jinsol begins to swing herself a little to temporarily distract herself from her raging thoughts.

“What do you want, Sooyoung?”

There’s another moment of silence where Sooyoung seemed to be collecting her own thoughts. Jinsol lets her do so, closing her eyes as she lets the cool breeze waft against her skin. Her thoughts are a scattered mess, constantly clashing and contradicting with the desires of her heart. Behind her lids, the image of dark eyes and plump red lips flash by, sending a familiar pang to her heart. She gulps, taking in a deep breath as a mind numbing pain scorches her poor heart.

“You’re still in love with _her_ , aren’t you?”

No beating around the bush and straight to the point. It’s very Sooyoung of her to do so that Jinsol couldn’t help but laugh a little. Ah, well. There’s no use denying it to her best friend or to herself anyway. Because the truth is, yes, she’s still so, so in love with Kim Jungeun. And she resignedly thinks that maybe she’s doomed to love Jungeun, and only Jungeun, for the rest of her life. At least she has Heejin to pour all her love and attention to, and all of their friends and their kids.

“I am,” Jinsol says with a sigh. “And I hate the fact that I can’t seem to move on.”

Sooyoung laughs at this, but the sound of her laughter is devoid of any mirth. Jinsol plants her feet firmly against the ground so that she stops swinging, then turns to face her best friend beside her. Sooyoung’s looking at her with pain-filled eyes, as if the other woman is hurting for her. And maybe she is. Because Jinsol, Sooyoung, and Haseul have always had a connection unlike any other. They were each other’s best friends after all, and they treated each other as if they were sisters. Sooyoung lets out a sigh before she reaches out and hands Jinsol one of the beer cans in her hold. Jinsol’s brows furrow at this but she doesn’t say anything. She just pops the can open and takes a swig.

“Y’know, I still can’t forgive myself for what I did to you all those years ago. I’ve known about Jungeun and Jaehyung since the beginning. And I was actually the one who pushed Jungeun to him the most. It was shitty of me to do so, and there’s no excuse for my actions.”

Sooyoung pops her can of beer open, taking a huge gulp before she continues talking. She closes her eyes for a bit, letting out yet another deep sigh as she starts to swing herself a little. 

“It’s just . . . Back then, Jungeun reminded me so much of myself after my break with Kahei. We were basically on the same boat. Kahei and I lost time for each other, which ultimately led to our breakup. And I just couldn’t fathom Jungeun doing the same things I did. So I pushed her towards Jaehyung. Because I could see that he was able to put a genuine smile on her lips. He was so good at distracting her, and I saw how genuinely cared for her and how he loved her.”

There’s another pause as Sooyoung takes another huge gulp of her beer. She winces a bit at the taste, for she’s never been the beer type of girl. But it’s the drink that seems most fit for the occasion, and it is Jinsol’s go-to drink for conversations as serious and as heavy as this. 

"I only realized the weight of my – _our_ – mistake after _**that**_ day. We were all so biased and we easily jumped to conclusions back then. We didn’t even bother trying to understand the situation from your perspective because we were so mad that you were the one hurting Jungeun like that. What’s worse is it was Jiwoo who made us realize that Jungeun wasn’t the only one hurting then. That you were probably hurting as much, if not more.”

Sooyoung drinks the rest of her beer in one go, crushing the can in her hands afterwards. She turns her head to the side so that she’s facing Jinsol, and the latter could see the immense hurt and regret swirling in those eyes. Jinsol takes a swig from her own can, and she was about to say something when Sooyoung beat her to it. 

“I know you already said that you’ve forgiven me for what happened all those years ago. But we all can see that you’re still very much affected by everything that’s happened, and we can never blame you for that. Thank you for giving us all another chance Jinsol. I promise we will do our best to earn your trust back. And maybe help you gain your smile back too. We want to see you be happy again, Jinsol.”

The corners of Sooyoung’s lips curl up a little in a slight smile, her first that afternoon. And even though it’s still a bit melancholic, Sooyoung’s aura isn’t as depressing anymore. It makes Jinsol’s lips curve up in a smile of her own, and she doesn’t feel the need to talk anymore. She’s got a feeling that Sooyoung already knows what she wanted to say anyway. Either way, Jinsol still reaches a hand out to bump her fist against Sooyoung’s shoulder lightly. They share another smile, before turning their gazes towards the distant horizon.

It feels nice, being around her friends like this again. Jinsol thinks back to all the years she’s spent without all these people who knew her best. While she did have her fair share of new friends overseas, it still wasn’t the same when she’s with the people whom she literally grew up with. As both her and Sooyoung look up at the setting sun, Jinsol hope that her heart continue healing, so that she can finally fully let go of the past that broke her.  


* * *

  
Later that evening, once everyone is snuggly tucked in their respective beds for the night, Jinsol sneaks out of the guest room that she and Heejin share with Hyunjin. The two kids share the bed while Jinsol laid a mattress on the floor beside it. Jinsol heads out to the front porch after grabbing one of the hoodies Haseul lent her earlier, taking a seat at the top step and just staring up at the starry skies.

Stargazing had been her father’s favorite hobby when he was still alive. Jinsol remembers the very first time her father took her out to stargaze. She was a mere six year old who had no idea about constellations, galaxies, and astrology. He assembled a huge telescope at their backyard then, enlisting the help of her mother to set up some blankets and prepare them snacks. Jinsol remembers getting excited and being in awe of the huge device as her father tried his best to explain the constellations to Jinsol’s young mind. 

It remains as one of the best memories Jinsol has up to this day and she would never forget the sheer happiness she saw on both her parents’ faces, as her mother took pictures of them by the backdoor, while her father brought out picture books about the constellations and astrology. Jinsol was captivated, to say the least, and she won’t be embarrassed to admit that there was a period during her youth that she dreamed of being an astronaut when she grew older.

Jinsol has so many happy memories of going out stargazing with her father. Sometimes, her mother would join them. But most of the time, it’s just Jinsol and her dad. Stargazing became their thing just as playing the piano became her thing with her mother. She even grew to love stargazing so much that she vowed to only do it with the most important person in her life besides her parents. And in her thirty years of living, she’s only ever done stargazing with one person who is not her father or mother. 

A bitter smile makes its way to Jinsol’s lips as she’s reminded of things she’s long tried to forget. Her favorite activity now also serves as a reminder of two of the most painful tragedies of her life. The first, being the loss of her father, and the second is her losing the love of her life. Jinsol lets out a shuddering breath as she feels tears pooling in her eyes. 

_“You’re here again.”_

_Jinsol pries her eyes open to look at the person who’s stood before her. The sight of the younger girl wrapped in a thick coat, with that thick red scarf around her neck and covering half of her face makes Jinsol smile fondly. There’s a huff, as the other girl takes a seat beside her, sitting so close that they’re practically sharing each other’s body heat. Jinsol is thankful for this though, because she forgot to grab her scarf on her way out of the dorms earlier._

_“Why’d you seek me out, Jungeun?” Jinsol asks, training her gaze towards the distant horizon that’s speckled with millions of twinkling stars. The view makes her feel at peace._

_“Your roommate blew up the group chat earlier asking if any one of us is with you. Haseul’s worried sick because you’re not in your room at three o’clock in the morning. I swear to God, Jinsol, the poor girl’s gonna age early with her constantly worrying over you.”_

_This makes Jinsol chuckle a bit as she imagines the worried expression on Haseul’s face as she panicked. Her laughter is soon replaced by a grimace though, when she thinks about the earful she’s gonna receive from her roommate/best friend later._

_“How’d you know where to find me, though?”_

_Jungeun looks at her with an expression that clearly says “duh”, flicking her softly on the forehead. Jinsol feigns getting hurt, jutting her lips out in an exaggerated pout as she looks at Jungeun pitifully. The younger girl laughs at her, before finally relenting and resignedly leaning forward to place a gentle kiss against the “offended” area._

_“Psh. I’ve known you almost my whole life, Jung Jinsol. I probably know you like the back of my mind now. You have that piano recital tomorrow – err, I mean later – right? Knowing you, you were probably unable to sleep worrying over your performance tomorrow, and I know this is the only place on campus that you go to whenever you want peace of mind.”_

_Jinsol turns to Jungeun with an awed expression on her face, which garners her a raised eyebrow from the younger girl. The former just shakes her head, her lips curling into a fond smile as she leans forward to envelop Jungeun in a tight hug._

_“You don’t have to worry, y’know,” Jungeun whispers softly against Jinsol’s ear. “You’re gonna rock that recital later, because you’re Jung Jinsol and you’re amazing. And I’m gonna be at the front and center at that event cheering you on, because I’m an amazing girlfriend like that.”_

_A loud chuckle reverberates around the place as Jinsol and Jungeun move back from their hug. There’s a teary smile on Jinsol’s face as she looks at Jungeun with so much love and adoration in her eyes. Which the younger girl reciprocates in intensity. They smile at each other as they both slowly lean in, meeting halfway for a kiss that would steal both their breaths away._

A tears slips from Jinsol’s eyes as she recalls that specific memory. It’s one of the happiest memories she has of Jungeun as it happened a couple of months before their break. Their first kiss, their first I love you’s, their reconciliation after every fight, their happiest moments, their saddest moments, all of these they shared under starry skies. 

That night, as she sat on the porch steps of Haseul’s and Kahei’s home, Jinsol found herself wondering when her heart would stop hurting every time she goes out to gaze at the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So . . . hello there! I am so, so sorry for taking so long to update. It’s just that my life has been really messy these past couple of months. I was actually diagnosed with depression and GAD and had to take a break from school mid-semester. I’ve just started picking up on writing again this week as a sort of distraction from my thoughts. It helps a bit, and that’s why I have an update now :)))
> 
> Anyway, enough of that. I’m trying to be active on twitter again so please do hit me up there. My account (@mimihaebinakgae) is currently on private, but I am gonna un-private tomorrow :>
> 
> Thank you to all those who read, subscribe and leave comments. Seriously, your comments boost up my moods no matter how long or short they are. :))
> 
> I’ll try to finish the next chapter sooner. Btw, it’s gonna be viseul-centric and a new character’s gonna be introduced.
> 
> Oh, and lastly. This chapter’s dedicated to @sxftmelody on twitter. Her stories/AUs are so great. And they help cheer me up on especially hard and trying days. Do check her works out cause all of them are gold.


	9. Welcome

Haseul stirs awake from the feeling of something soft and light and warm pressing against her left cheek. She slowly turns on her back, letting the soft glow of the still-rising sun wash over her face and warm her skin. A content smile forms on her lips when the familiar tinkling of a soft chuckle reaches her ears. Slowly, she opens her eyes, her smile blooming into a full-blown grin when she sees that beautiful face smiling down at her.

“Good morning, love,” is whispered right into her ears, as Kahei leans down to place the gentlest of kisses against her cheek. This makes Haseul smile even more, her eyes shining with so much happiness and love for the woman by her side.

“Good morning. Did you sleep well?” Haseul says as she sits up on the bed, gently threading her fingers through her lover’s soft auburn hair. The latter lets out a content sigh as she hums an affirmation.

Like what she’s done every morning for the past couple of months, Haseul bends down to place a gentle kiss on Kahei’s belly. A smile spreads on her lips when she feels the familiar kick of their little one, as she looks up at Kahei with nothing but excitement and love in her eyes. Kahei returns the look, placing her hand over Haseul’s as they continue to feel the movements of their little bundle of joy in Kahei’s tummy.  


* * *

  
After quite a filling breakfast, Haseul proceeds to get ready for work while Kahei settles on the bed with her favorite book in her hold. The older woman sits on the bed, her back comfortably resting against the headboard as she watches her wife bustle about their room. Haseul is contently humming under her breath as she gets dressed, throwing a wink Kahei’s way every time their gazes meet. The older woman merely chuckles at her wife’s antics, finding them a little too cute to make the latter stop. 

Haseul finishes getting ready in under an hour, but she waits about ten minutes more before she says goodbye to Kahei and their little one. When the doorbell rings, Haseul gets up from her seat beside Kahei and kisses the older woman gently. She then leans down to peck Kahei’s protruding belly before planting another kiss on Kahei’s lips.

“Bye, love. I’ll see you later, alright?” Kahei smiles warmly at this, nodding her head in response as Haseul finally walks out to answer the door.

A few moments later, Kahei hears multiple footsteps heading towards the bedroom and her lips stretch into a wide grin when the door opens and two energetic and bubbly kids run towards her and greets her with multiple cheek kisses. A loud _“Aunt Kahei!”_ is squealed when Kahei returns the cheek kisses to the givers, and Kahei chuckles when the two kids chuckle when she tickles them on their tummies. 

“Why, hello there, Heejin, Chaewon. You two seem awfully energetic today,” Kahei greets the two, smiling widely as they put their tiny hands over Kahei’s belly to feel for her little one’s movements. 

It became a habit for Chaewon, Heejin, and Yerim to feel Kahei’s tummy every time they meet ever since the three little ones first felt Kahei’s baby kick. It’s such a cute sight, and it always warms Kahei’s heart to see all the kids getting excited for the birth of her child. It makes her happy to know that her daughter is already loved this much despite not even being born yet. 

An amused chuckle makes Kahei lift her gaze towards the door where the sight of a smiling Jiwoo greets her. The younger woman is leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest, watching the three of them interact with a fond smile on her lips. At Kahei’s beckoning, Jiwoo pushes away from the doorframe to join the three of them on the bed, taking a seat at the foot of it so that she and Kahei are sat facing each other. 

“Where’s Jinsol?” Kahei asks, rubbing over her tummy gently after she feels a rather strong kick from her little one. 

“Ah, she went over to Hyunjin’s and Hyejoo’s room with Haseul to wake them up. She’s gonna help them get ready for school. By the way, the kids are heading to the local zoo for school today, that’s why those two,” she points towards Heejin and Chaewon, “are extra preppy and excited right now. Although Yerim’s sick so she won’t be able to go to the zoo with everyone today.”

“Oh . . . Is she gonna be alrigth? Are you and Jinsol both gonna come with kids then? I doubt just one of you would be able to handle four overly excited and active kids alone.” 

“Jungeun said it’s just a slight fever, but she’s not taking any chances so she’s bringing Yerim to the clinic later. Also, don’t be silly. Jinsol’s gonna stay here with you just like the past couple of days, ‘cause you can’t really be left alone duh. Besides, Eunji and Naeun are gonna be there with Jieun. I think three adults can very much well take care of five kids.”

At the mention of Naeun’s and Eunji’s names, Kahei visibly relaxes. Having Jinsol’s cousin and her wife to help watch the kids sets Kahei’s mind at ease. Hyejoo and Jieun are well-behaved kids in general so those two won’t be causing any problems during the trip, that much Kahei is certain of. And while Hyunjin can be such a troublemaker on her own, she becomes relatively tame and well-behaved in the presence of Heejin. The smile returns to Kahei’s lips once she figures that she doesn’t really have anything to worry about.

Kahei and Jiwoo spent the time waiting for Hyunjin and Hyejoo catching up over their respective weekends, while Chaewon and Heejin played games on Jiwoo’s phone. Thirty minutes later, Hyunjin bursts through the door excitedly with a quiet but peppy Hyejoo and an amused Jinsol in tow. The two sisters excitably jumps on the bed, each girl flanking either side of Kahei with a bubbly shout of _“Kahei!”_ as they pepper Kahei’s cheeks with kisses.

Amused laughter bubbles up from Kahei’s chest as she gets attacked by kisses from both sides. She hugs her daughters tight to stop the attacks, careful not to jostle her belly, then presses a loving kiss on each of Hyunjin’s and Hyejoo’s foreheads. She doesn’t really mind that the girls still call her and Haseul by their names instead of ‘mommy’ or ‘mama’. It’s only been a year since she and Haseul took the two in, and they both understand that it’ll probably take a little longer before either Hyunjin or Hyejoo get comfortable enough to refer to them as such. 

“Hi sweethearts. You two sure are bubbly this morning,” Kahei comments, gently scratching her daughters’ chin. Hyunjin grins widely while Hyejoo smiles bashfully, and Kahei has to fight the urge to squeal and coddle her daughters because of their cuteness. 

“We’re going to the zoo today! I’m finally gonna see that giant cat Haseul and I watched on TV last week!” Hyunjin says excitably, making the adults in the room chuckle at her fondly. 

“Well then, you make sure to have lots and lots of fun today, yeah? But be sure to always have Hyejoo by your side okay? I wish I could come with you girls so we could all have loads and loads of fun,” Kahei responds, to which Hyunjin nods to eagerly.

“It’s getting late,” Jiwoo interjects after a while, looking at her watch to see the time. “We need to be at the school by nine so we best be going now. Don’t worry about your daughters too much Kahei. Eunji, Naeun and I would make sure that nothing bad won’t happen to them and that they’d all have a blast today.”

Kahei smiles at that, muttering a soft thanks to the younger woman who merely shoots her a wink in response. Hyunjin and Hyejoo kiss Kahei on the cheeks one last time just as Heejin does the same with Jinsol. The kids wave goodbye to Kahei and Jinsol as Jiwoo ushered them out. Kahei sends flying kisses to her daughters, grinning when Hyunjin playfully “catches” it while Hyejoo just shyly sends one back. Once they’ve all gone, it was just Kahei and Jinsol left in the house.  


* * *

  
Just like what they have done the past few days, Jinsol and Kahei spent the rest of the morning just talking about anything and everything they could talk about. Jinsol made Kahei sit on the couch comfortably as she tidied up the place a little. When lunch time came, Jinsol cooked for Kahei and herself and they talked about their childhood as they ate. During the early afternoon, Jinsol assisted Kahei back to their bedroom for a much needed nap. Jinsol then used the time Kahei spent sleeping to check on her emails and do stuff for work.

When three PM rolls around, Jinsol stands up from the couch and puts her laptop back into the bag that she always brings with her when she comes over. She figured that Jiwoo and the kids would be heading back anytime soon, so she heads into the kitchen to make some snacks for all of them when they come back. A full hour later and Jinsol’s almost done roasting some sweet potatoes and making spicy rice cakes. Just as she’s setting the finished dishes on the table, she hears Kahei’s distressed call for her so she rushes upstairs to Kahei’s and Haseul’s bedroom.

The sight of Kahei’s pale and sweaty face is what greets Jinsol as soon as she opens the door. The older woman is clutching the bed sheets in a death grip, and her eyes are wide and panicked when they meet Jinsol’s worried ones. Kahei takes in a shaky breath, and Jinsol only then notices that her whole body is shaking. 

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Jinsol asks, trying her best to not show how panicked and worried she actually is. She needs to be the calm and collected one with Kahei in that state. The older woman just gulps, then takes in another deep and shaky breath to, no doubt, calm herself.

“I . . . Jinsol . . . M-my water just broke . . .”

Oh.

_OH._

“Holy shit.”  


* * *

  
Haseul’s having a slow day at work. It’s only a few minutes past four in the afternoon but she’s beyond bored out of her mind already. She’s already finished all of the paperwork she needs to do for the day, and has already gotten a jump start on some of the work she needs to do the following day. She would’ve called to check in on Kahei and Jinsol, but the use of personal phones is not allowed during office hours, so she settles with a quick text to Jinsol for the mean time. 

When she doesn’t get a reply immediately, Haseul figures that Jinsol is either asleep or doing some work while Kahei napped. With a sigh, she merely pockets her phone again and figures that a cup of hot coffee would be nice. She’s in the midst of putting some cream into her coffee when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. Taking the device out to check on who could be calling her, Haseul’s heart starts beating fast when she sees Jinsol’s name as the caller I.D. With shaky hands, Haseul answers the call.

“Hello? Jinsol? You c–”

_“Haseul? Hey. Sorry, can’t talk much. But please get your ass to the hospital as soon as you can. Kahei’s water broke and she’s about to give birth to your child and you absolutely need to be there.”_

Haseul doesn’t respond. She _can’t_ respond. What did Jinsol say again? Kahei is in labor? Already? But isn’t her due date not until the next week? What in the world is Haseul supposed to do? Kahei’s in labor? Jinsol did say that Kahei is about to give birth. Oh God, what is Haseul _supposed_ to do . . . When she doesn’t hear a response, Jinsol almost shouts at her phone to get Haseul’s attention. _“Haseul?! What the heck??? Snap out of it woman and head to the hospital NOW!”_ Her friend’s strained voice is enough to shake Haseul from her shock. 

“Y-yeah, I-I . . . I’m going now. Right now! Oh my God Jinsol, my wife’s giving birth!”

_“Yes, genius, she is! Now hurry, okay? Kahei and I are almost at the hospital. Give me a call when you arrive.”_

As soon as the call disconnects, Haseul rushes back to her office, her coffee long forgotten as she quickly puts her things back in her bag. Her mind’s a mess, and her moves are shaky and jittery due to nerves, but she manages to pack up in a short amount of time. She only manages to tell her boss that she has to go because there’s an emergency before she’s put of the building and racing towards the hospital where Kahei would be. God knows how thankful she is at that moment that the damn hospital’s just a ten minute ride from her office.  


* * *

  
Pain.

Kahei feels nothing but pain. Deep, excruciating pain that overwhelms her whole being. In all honesty, she feels like every inch of her body is being ignited with that searing pain and eating her whole. Tears begin to slowly flow from her eyes as she begins to sob quietly. Kahei has never known pain as intense as this since that time she and Haseul broke up once during the second year of their relationship. Kahei honestly thought that she was gonna lose Haseul then, and that hurt like a fucking bitch. It’s been years since that incident, but there’s still this lingering slight pain and hurt in Kahei’s heart that she figures is never gonna go away.

Haseul . . . 

As if reading her mind, Kahei feels a hand slip against her own and intertwine with her fingers as she’s being wheeled to the delivery room. The skin was a little rough, but the grip was tight and strong and warm, as if wanting to tell her that she wasn’t alone . . . That the owner of that hand was there for her, wanting to share her pain. The hand holding hers sends a familiar warmth to Kahei’s heart, that slowly spreads throughout her body, distracting her from the pain for a while.

Kahei looks up at her wife’s face and she can see the other woman trying to smile down at her despite the worry and helplessness she sees in her eyes. Kahei knows that the idea of her being in so much pain is killing her wife, and that if Haseul could take Kahei’s pain as her own, she would. That thought somehow stops Kahei’s tears from flowing, and she then squeezes Haseul’s hand, seeking for reassurance and comfort. Which Haseul is quick to give as she whispers words of encouragement to Kahei while her thumb traced comforting circles against Kahei’s skin. 

The older woman smiles more genuinely this time, as Haseul pulls her hand close to her lips so she could plant a kiss on the back of it. Haseul says that she wanted to kiss your lips, but running alongside the stretcher Kahei was on that was being pushed by running nurses made is impossible to do so.  


* * *

  
Kahei was in labor for six straight hours. 

Haseul stayed by her side the whole time, holding her hand and telling her comforting and encouraging words and wiping the tears away as she cried. Jinsol, who was waiting just outside the delivery room, took this time to call and inform all their friends and Haseul’s parents about Kahei giving birth. The first to arrive was Jiwoo, with Hyunjin, Hyejoo, Chaewon, and Heejin in tow. 

The sisters looked worried and teary-eyed, not exactly knowing what it is that’s happening to their mother. Jinsol is quick to reassure them though, patiently explaining to the kids that Kahei is not in danger and that they’d get to meet their new sibling soon. Sooyoung arrived about half an hour later with Haseul’s parents. Jungeun was the last to join them since she still had to finish her shift before she was allowed to go. 

Meanwhile, inside the delivery room, Haseul is both worried and anxious as she tries her best to distract her wife from the pain. She hates seeing Kahei hurting, but this is a necessary evil that they have to face so that they can finally meet their little peanut. 

A few minutes after the six-hour mark, the doctors finally tell Kahei to stop pushing as the room is filled with the loud sound of an infant crying. There’s a shout of _“It’s a girl!”_ but Haseul doesn’t pay it that much mind. She can’t, not when she feels this overwhelming sense of joy and relief at her child and wife both being safe after the delivery. Haseul’s gaze pans to the nurses to the side, holding her daughter and cleaning her up as she cried and cried her little eyes out. Haseul couldn’t help the tear that escapes her eye as she feels her heart double in size.

_She’s finally here._   


* * *

  
Tears are again silently flowing from Kahei’s eyes as she watches two of the girls whom she loves the most from her bed. She’s been transferred to a private room and she’s been told her family and friends are already outside, but are giving her and Haseul a little bit of time to themselves before they go in to see their little one. Their daughter has finally been brought to her room and Haseul is gently cradling their little angel in her arms. Haseul slowly walks over to the bed and carefully sits beside Kahei. The older woman can see the tears forming in the former’s eyes as she looked at her with all the love in the world. Kahei’s heart swelled at that and they both lean forward to share a quick, gentle yet loving kiss.

The baby is sleeping in Haseul’s arms and she and Kahei both watch lovingly as she scrunches her face every now and then, chuckling a little bit at her cuteness. Haseul looks at Kahei again and plants another lingering kiss on her lips.

“She’s very beautiful, just like you. Thank you for bringing her into our lives,” Haseul says. Kahei smiles at her as she caresses the younger woman’s cheek lovingly.

“Thank you too, for putting up with me for the past couple of months and for loving us unconditionally. Thank you for everything. I love you,” Kahei tells her.

“I love you too. By the way, have you already decided on a name for this little cutie? I’m fine with whatever you want, love.” Kahei smiles as she nods her head, leaning down a bit to plant a kiss on her daughter’s forehead.

“Jo Yeojin,” Kahei says, and Haseul just grins, obviously liking it.

“I love it, love,” she tells Kahei, then looks down at the baby in her arms to coo at her. “Hear that little princess? Your name is Yeojin, and your mama and I and your sisters love you very much.” Yeojin just yawned and the two adults chuckled at their daughter’s cuteness. Haseul looks up at Kahei again.

“I love you. So much.”

“Cheesy,” Kahei teases. But I love you too.”

Their moment is ruined when the door slams open and Hyunjin and Hyejoo rush inside, shouting _“Mommy!”_ and _“Mama!”_ as they ran towards Kahei’s bed. Both Haseul and Kahei freeze at that, not really sure if they heard the girls correctly or if their imagination was playing tricks on them. All this time since their adoption, Hyunjin and Hyejoo called Kahei and Haseul by their names. This is the very first time that the sisters called them mama and mommy. 

Tears fall from both women’s eyes as they looked at the two children lovingly. Though still feeling weak, Kahei helps Hyunjin and Hyejoo up the bed so that they can finally see and meet their new sister. The girls look at Yeojin’s pink face in fascination, chuckling every now and then when Yeojin would yawn or scrunch up her face.

A content smile settles on Kahei’s lips as she watches Haseul, Hyunjin, and Hyejoo gush over the new addition to their family. She feels her heart getting filled to the brim with so much happiness and love for her girls. She feels very blessed to have a wife who loved her so much and very wonderful daughters. As she sat there, staring at her little family, all Kahei could think of is that she couldn’t wish for anything more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo . . . Yay for another chapter! Anyway, school’s gonna start real soon so I might get too busy again. I can’t promise when the next update is, but I will surely try my best to finish it sooner. I’m so sorry this one took a while.
> 
> Honestly speaking, I’ve started to doubt myself and this story and my writing ability. I’m actually not sure if this story or my writing is still good enough, but I try my best to churn out good chapters. I just hope that can be enough. Also, I hope none of you get tired of waiting for lipsoul to happen. It’s just that with this story and plot, I feel like Jinsol’s relationship and dynamics with her friends and the children are also of importance. Don’t worry though, we’ll get to the lipsoul soon. I promise.
> 
> Lastly, should I make a cc? lol. 
> 
> Byebye for now. Until the next update.


	10. Heal

Jinsol’s brows furrow in concentration and the tip of her tongue sticks out from her lips as she tries her best to change little Yeojin’s diapers. The baby is cooing softly as she sucks on her mitten-covered fists while Jinsol changes her diapers, and Jinsol couldn’t help but find the sight too adorable. It’s been a week since Yeojin’s birth, and she and Heejin are at Haseul’s and Kahei’s place to visit and to give the new parents a small break from taking care of the baby.

Heejin is currently at the video room with Hyunjin and Hyejoo, the three kids watching the little mermaid while Haseul is helping Kahei take a bath. This leaves Jinsol with babysitting duties, and she’s now currently changing Yeojin’s soiled diapers. It’s been a while since Jinsol had to change a baby’s diapers, so she’s being extra careful now especially since Yeojin is a newborn.

When she successfully changes Yeojin’s diapers and puts her pajama pants back on, Jinsol leans down to place a soft peck on the child’s little tummy. Yeojin’s mitten-covered fist grazes Jinsol’s cheek as the older woman leans back, causing Jinsol to look at the child with tenderness in her eyes. She’s always had a soft spot for babies so it’s no wonder that little Yeojin has managed to quickly steal Jinsol’s heart, and Jinsol could swear that she’s already in love with the little girl despite her being born for just a week.

Yeojin makes a cute gurgle-y noise as she continues to suck on her clothed fist. Turning to the clock on the bedside table, Jinsol figures that it’s feeding time for the baby. She stands up from the bed where Yeojin lays, quickly maneuvering around the room to fetch Yeojin’s milk bottle. After making sure that the milk’s temperature is perfect, Jinsol picks Yeojin up in her arms, cradling her softly and finally feeding her. Yeojin suckles on the bottle gently, and Jinsol almost squeals when the little child’s small hand grabs onto her finger and holds on tightly.

It’s only been a week, but Jinsol could already foresee herself being whipped for the little kid in her arms in the near future.  


* * *

  
Her daughter’s shrill cries of distress makes Haseul want to cry out as well. It’s been almost half an hour since Yeojin started crying inconsolably, and Haseul and Kahei have tried almost everything just to make her stop but to no avail. Haseul tried changing her diapers, and even swapped her clothes for more comfortable ones when the former didn’t work, but it still didn’t make Yeojin stop. Kahei tried feeding her, but Yeojin refused to latch onto her mother’s breast to feed. Jiwoo and Sooyoung arrived not long after with Chaewon in tow and the couple tried to help make Yeojin stop crying, but they too were unable to do so. Jungeun arrived with Yerim not even ten minutes ago, and she too was unable to make Yeojin stop crying.

Haseul’s on the verge of panicking, because what if Yeojin actually wasn’t feeling well and that’s why she’s crying nonstop? She doesn’t exactly know what to do because they never really actually experienced having to take care of an infant before. Hyunjin and Hyejoo were both a little grown up already when she and Kahei adopted them. Haseul can see the worry in Kahei’s eyes and she hates how she can’t do anything to wipe that look away.

Just when Haseul’s about to suggest bringing Yeojin to the hospital, Jinsol stumbles into the living room sleepily, seemingly in a bit of a daze with her eyes bleary and her movements sluggish. She looks at all of them with squinted eyes and furrowed brows, and all of them could almost see the gears in her head in motion as she tries to assess the current situation. It takes maybe a whole five minutes before it registers to her that Yeojin is, in fact, currently crying her little eyes out. Jinsol is quick to move then, walking over to Haseul in big strides and taking little Yeojin into her arms.

The moment Yeojin is settled in Jinsol’s arms, the kid’s crying tapers off into whimpers, as if she’s just been waiting for Jinsol all along. She’s still whimpering though, so Jinsol begins to slowly sway from side to side, softly singing under her breath, the lyrics to Heejin’s favorite song when she was a kid falling from her lips with a welcomed ease. The sound of Jinsol’s voice makes Yeojin finally stop crying and Haseul, Kahei, Sooyoung, and Jungeun watch her in awe as she smiles down at Yeojin while slow dancing to her own singing. Jiwoo merely looks on with a proud smile, remembering all the babies that Jinsol was able to calm before. Jinsol’s always had a soft spot for kids, and children always seem to love her in return, so it’s no surprise to Jiwoo that her best friend is able to calm Yeojin this quick.

A few more sways and a whole verse later and Yeojin’s finally fast asleep in Jinsol’s arms. There’s a fond look in Jinsol’s eyes as she stares at Yeojin’s serene face, her eyes twinkling and her smile as bright as the morning sun. Jungeun’s heart swells yet breaks at the sight, painful memories of a past long forgotten surfacing to the forefront of her mind. Suddenly, she’s nineteen again and imagining how Jinsol would be like as a mother. Times have changed, their circumstances are a whole lot different now, and Jungeun’s heart breaks as she’s finally gotten a peak at a long-forgotten fantasy. No matter how hard Jungeun tries to will it away, the bitter feeling of regret slowly bubbles in the pit of her stomach, harshly reminding her of the worst mistake she’s ever committed in her life.

Jinsol’s soft chuckle saves Jungeun from her thoughts, and she looks up just in time to see Jinsol carefully placing Yeojin into Haseul’s waiting arms. There’s a grin on her lips as she leans down to place a soft kiss against Yeojin’s tummy, her smile turning soft when she pulls back and faces Haseul who’s looking expectantly at her.

“How’d you do that?!” Haseul asks in a harsh whisper, still astonished but mindful of the sleeping infant in her arms. Jinsol snorts at her amusedly. “We’ve been trying to make her stop crying for the past half hour but you were able to do it in less than ten minutes? Just, how the heck were you able to do that?”

“I just took a chance, really. When Heejin was Yeojin’s age, she would almost always stop crying whenever I rocked her gently while singing her favorite song to her. I just figured it might also work with Yeojin, and voila! She’s now fast asleep.”

Jinsol’s grin is huge, her eyes twinkling so much with mirth and playfulness that her friends are stunned for a moment in silence. It’s been so long since they last saw Jinsol smile this happy, and it fills their chests with warmth and something a little akin to love and adoration to see their friend be happy again. The corners of Haseul’s lips tug up into a smile and she’s about to say something to Jinsol when the kids rush out of the living room and run straight towards Jinsol.

“Mommyyyyy~ We’re hungry~” Heejin whines, frowning at her mother cutely. Jinsol just smiles at her fondly and picks her up. Hyunjin and Yerim hug her left leg while Chaewon and Hyejoo do the same with her other leg. Jinsol laughs at this, finding the children much too adorable for their own good.

“Are you, now? Well, why don’t you go watch more movies or play something together while Aunt Sooyoung and I cook something for you, hmm?”

The kids all nod their heads eagerly and Jinsol leans down to put Heejin down, placing a soft kiss on the top of each kid’s head before they run off back to the video room. Jinsol follows them with her gaze, the fond smile remaining on her lips the whole time. She’s too focused on the kids though, that she fails to notice that her friends are all looking at her the same way.  


* * *

  
_“How many kids do you want to have?” Jungeun asks, making Jinsol pause mid-step._

_The autumn night is quite chilly, and the two of them are currently bundled up in thick layers of clothes as they walk along the park near their university. Finals week is finally over, which means that Jungeun’s first year as a college student has also come to an end. She and Jinsol decided to celebrate surviving the school year with dinner and a stroll at their favorite park._

_During their dinner at their favorite chicken restaurant, they talked about anything and everything they could talk about. But they both remained mostly silent during their walk, until they came across a family of three – a father, a mother, and their baby girl – which prompted Jungeun to ask her question. Lately, she’s been catching herself thinking about how Jinsol would be like as a mother. She often daydreams about having little versions of herself and Jinsol running around while Jinsol runs after them. Her heart always warms at the idea of marrying Jinsol and starting a family with her in the future._

_“At least two? I mean, as someone who doesn’t have any siblings, it gets lonely when you’re an only child growing up. So I’d love to have at least another one so that the first born won’t experience the same loneliness I did,” Jinsol answers after a while, making Jungeun smile._

_“That makes sense. So we’re gonna have at least two children then?” Jungeun asks teasingly. Jinsol just raises an eyebrow at her before gently flicking her on the forehead._

_“You’ve barely finished with your first year in college, yet you’re already thinking that far ahead in the future? Finish your studies first Kim Jungeun, and then we’d talk.”_

_Jungeun chuckles at Jinsol’s response, and they continue their walk spent in comfortable silence. It isn’t until they reach their favorite bench though, that Jinsol talks again._

_“Hey, do you think I’ll be a good mother?”_

_Her brows are pinched together in worry, her lips are turned down into a frown, and she looks so, so adorable that Jungeun couldn’t help but lean forward to steal a quick peck on her lips. Jinsol squeaks a little in surprise, and Jungeun couldn’t stop the laugh that leaves her lips at the sight of Jinsol’s flushed cheeks when she pulls back. With a huge grin, Jungeun slowly leans forward again to place a light kiss against Jinsol’s cheek._

_“I think you’d be a great mother, love.”_  


* * *

  
It’s a quarter past one in the morning when Jungeun stumbles out of her bed, finally giving up on sleep after tossing and turning for hours just to find the most comfortable position she could sleep in. It’s apparent that she’s not gonna get much sleep that night though, so she decides to head to the kitchen for a mug of warm milk to hopefully help her fall asleep. She’s at the living room when she pauses mid-step, noticing that the front porch lights outside, which are usually turned off during this time of the day, are currently lit up.

With careful, light steps, she makes her way to the front door, peeking into the peephole to see if anyone’s outside. To her surprise, she sees a familiar mop of brunette hair by the porch steps. Jungeun feels her heart leap to her throat, finding the sight of Jinsol’s slumped shoulder achingly familiar. Jinsol’s only ever slouched like that when she’s worried or sad, and Jungeun has an inkling that it’s currently the latter.

Taking a deep breath to calm her rapidly beating heart, Jungeun reaches for the doorknob and turns it open. Jinsol turns around to look at her, and Jungeun’s heart runs amok inside her chest at the sight of the older woman being bathed in the moon’s silver glow. Jinsol looks so ethereal at the moment, and Jungeun finds herself unable to look away.

There’s a brief moment where they’re just staring at each other without saying anything, until Jinsol’s lips curl into a smile as she gently pats the space beside her. Jungeun’s momentarily brought back to their moment at the beach just a few weeks ago as she makes her way towards the older woman, a little dazed and movements stuttered. It’s unfair, how Jinsol could still make her feel this disoriented and flustered despite the years they spent apart.

“The stars are beautiful tonight, aren’t they?” Jinsol asks as soon as Jungeun sits down, prompting the latter to look up at the sky. It’s littered with millions upon millions of stars, without a single cloud to obscure the beautiful view. The moon is shining in its full glory, and Jungeun could only stare in awe at how beautiful the sight is. Tearing her gaze from the stars and the moon for a moment, Jungeun chances a look at the woman beside her and what she sees is enough to make her breath catch in her throat.

There’s a certain aura of solemness surrounding Jinsol as her gaze remains fixated on the sky, and it tugs at Jungeun’s heartstrings the longer she looks. The moon’s silvery glow bathes Jinsol in its light, making it look like she’s glowing as well. Jinsol’s so breathtakingly beautiful, and Jungeun berates herself for almost forgetting about it. She gets lost in memories long buried in the deepest recesses of her mind, the familiar feeling of longing and heartbreak painfully creeping into her heart. There’s nothing that she wants more in this moment than to be able to hold Jinsol’s hands in her again. Just this once. Just for tonight. She wants to be selfish, but she can’t.

She’s been selfish enough in the past, and she can never forgive herself for the pain she caused the only person she’s ever really, truly loved because of her selfishness. Jungeun remembers the anguished look on Jinsol’s face **_that_** day, remembers the anger and betrayal clearly shown in the older woman’s eyes. Tears well in her eyes at the memory of being the cause of Jinsol’s heartbreak, and a choked sob spills from her lips when she remembers the regret she felt right after, the longing in her heart for every day that passed without Jinsol in her life. The memories hurt, especially when they haunt her at night, and all Jungeun could do is cry because she can never go back to the past to correct all the mistakes she’s done.

A warm hand wraps around her wrist, and in the next moment, Jungeun’s being pulled against a warm, familiar body as a pair of lithe arms wrap around her. Jungeun immediately melts into the embrace, and like always, Jinsol’s familiar scent is enough to calm her down. The older woman is rubbing comforting circles against her back, and Jungeun could only sigh in contentment.

“I’m sorry,” Jungeun rasps out after a while, her voice still shaky and emotional as she sinks further into Jinsol’s embrace.

“Why are you apologizing Jungeun? I thought we’ve already settled this? Aren’t we okay already?” Jinsol asks, pulling back a bit so she could look Jungeun in the eyes. There’s not a hint of malice in her voice, and there is only genuine confusion in her eyes that Jungeun couldn’t help but smile at.

“I . . . I just . . . I never got to apologize last time Jinsol, and the regret I’ve been keeping in my heart all these years is killing me. I’m so, so sorry for all the things I’ve done to you. I never wanted to hurt you. God knows how much I love – loved – you, but I’ve been very stupid and driven by my emotions. Hurting you is the biggest mistake I’ve ever done in my life, and I still regret it even up to this day.”

Jungeun pulls back from the hug completely so that she and Jinsol are now face to face. And even though she already regrets breaking the hug because she already misses being in Jinsol’s arms, she still has a lot of things to say and she’s desperate for Jinsol to hear her out and hear the sincerity in her every word. Jinsol looks like she’s dying to say something, but she’s holding herself back so that Jungeun could say all the things she wants to say.

“I know you already forgave me, but I also know that I hurt you so, so much. I have to live with the fact that I hurt you, and even though I hate it, I have no one else to blame but myself. If I have to spend my whole life trying to make it up to you, then I will. You’re important to me Jinsol. You weren’t just my girlfriend, you were also my best friend and my soulmate and I just want to be worthy of being in your life again. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you Jinsol. If I could go back to the past and change things, I would. Just so I wouldn’t hurt you the way I did.”

Jinsol doesn’t respond right after, just staring at Jungeun with tears starting to well in her eyes. Jungeun’s tears are still flowing down her cheeks, and she doesn’t even bother wiping at them anymore. Jinsol smiles as the first tear falls from her eyes, and with shaky hands she reaches forward and cups Jungeun’s cheeks gently, using the pads of her thumbs to wipe away Jungeun’s tears.

“Don’t say that, Jungeun,” Jinsol starts, and she tries to smile even though there are tears falling from her eyes and even though her lips quiver every now and then. “Had things happened differently, we probably wouldn’t have Heejin and Yerim now. I’m not happy with how things happened, but even though what we’ve gone though was painful, we did gain a lot from everything that happened. We have our daughters now, and I know for a fact that you don’t regret having Yerim in your life the same way I don’t regret being Heejin’s mother.”

Jinsol pauses, letting go of Jungeun’s cheeks in favor of holding her hands. They’re both still crying uncontrollably, but they know in their hearts that this talk is exactly what they need. They need closure from their painful past if they want to move forward with their current lives.

“As you’ve said, you couldn’t really change the past Jungeun, so what you and I and everyone else should do is just move on. Let what happened be a lesson to all of us so that we won’t make the same mistakes again, but let’s also just leave it where it should be: in the past. We’ve all grown and matured over the years, and all we can do now is move forward. Healing takes time, Jungeun, so let’s not rush ourselves. We may still be hurting now, but I’d like to believe that there will come a day when we can all look back to all the painful memories with not a trace of hurt in our hearts.”

With a deep breath, Jinsol squeezes Jungeun’s hands comfortingly before letting them go. She focuses her gaze back on the sky, the tears still streaming down her cheeks, and the sight is so heartbreakingly sad that it breaks Jungeun’s heart all over again.

“You know, these past few weeks, I came to realize some things,” Jinsol says after a moment of silence. “Maybe we weren’t really meant to last. Maybe . . . maybe we’re just a chapter in each other’s lives. Maybe it was our destiny to meet, fall in love, and then break each other’s hearts so that we could learn and grow as individuals. It hurts me to think of what we had – something so beautiful and meant the entire world to me – as temporary. But with how things are now, I couldn’t help but think that way. I think we have to accept the fact that we’re living very different lives now, Jungeun. You’re married and have a family of your own. I have Heejin. Maybe this is how things are meant to be.”

Jinsol takes another pause, taking in a shaky breath to steady her heartbeat and slapping her knees to ground herself. Every word Jinsol uttered is like a knife through Jungeun’s heart, the sight of the older woman’s tears feeling a whole lot like twisting the knives deeper into her heart. Were they really not meant to last?

“You’re right though. We were each other’s best friend and soulmate, and I always considered you my better half Jungeun. I missed you, you know. I missed our friendship. And who knows? Maybe when we’ve finally healed . . .

When it doesn’t hurt to be with each other like this anymore . . .

When my heart stops breaking every time you’re near . . .

Can we try the whole friendship thing again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So . . . I know I haven’t updated in a while. I am so sorry for that. I’ve just been hit with a bad case of writer’s block and only recently got the motivation to continue. Please do let me know your thoughts about the chapter. I also want to sincerely thank you all for the support you’ve given this story. It means so much to me.
> 
> I also promise to be better at answering the comments hahahaha
> 
> I’ll be very busy with college the next few weeks so I might not be able to update for a while again. I apologize in advance. Til the next update then~


	11. Acceptance

Jinsol couldn’t help but coo as she takes a picture of Yeojin with her phone. It’s Yeojin’s 100th day of being born, and they’re all gathered at Haseul’s and Kahei’s home again to celebrate. Yeojin’s sat on her baby seat that’s situated at the table, donning an elegant white and orange hanbok. There’s an array of snacks and food around Yeojin, and pouches filled with money and treats. Yeojin looks much too adorable that Jinsol couldn’t help but snap a ton of pictures with her phone. The munchkin also recently learned how to wave her arms about and has entered the early stages of making those cooing and gurgling noises, and the kid has never stayed silent for long since.

Jinsol’s photo-taking is interrupted when Jiwoo, Sooyoung, and Chaewon arrive. Jiwoo squeals loudly when she sees little Yeojin sat at the table, making Sooyoung chuckle at her girlfriend while Chaewon ran off to the video room to join the other kids, but not before running towards Jinsol and hugging her legs in greeting. Jinsol just chuckles in amusement as Sooyoung greets her with a quick but tight hug before excusing herself to the kitchen where Haseul and Kahei are, leaving Jinsol and Jiwoo alone to gush at Yeojin’s cuteness.

“Y’know, she reminds me so much of Haseul when we were younger,” Jinsol comments offhandedly as she resumes taking photos of the little kid. 

Jiwoo hums, taking her own phone out to snap pictures as well. “It must have been nice, growing up together the way you, Haseul, Sooyoung, and Jungeun did,” Jiwoo says back, taking a couple of steps forward so she could take a close-up of Yeojin’s gummy smile. There’s a fond smile playing on her lips, and a glint in her eyes that Jinsol only ever sees when Jiwoo’s really happy. It makes Jinsol smile too, because Jiwoo’s smile and her happy aura just has that effect on people.

“How have you been lately, Jiwoo?” Jinsol asks after a stretch of comfortable silence lingers between them. “It feels like it’s been too long since we last talked properly.”

Jiwoo smiles apologetically at that, pocketing her phone and taking a seat at the table facing Yeojin. Jinsol follows suit, pulling the chair beside Jiwoo’s backwards and straddling it so that her front is pressed against the chair’s backrest.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jiwoo says, reaching for Yeojin’s small, grubby hands and grinning widely when Yeojin’s tiny fingers latch onto hers. Jinsol merely smiles at the sight. “With Yeojin’s birth, and all the photoshoots in and out of Seoul that I had to do, not to mention you flying out of the country every weekend for your job, it does make it feel like it’s been ages since we were last able to sit down and talk like this.”

Jinsol winces at the reminder of her weekend out-of-the-country travels the past couple of weeks. She’s working at a multinational company in the ICT services industry, and there’s recently been a plan of opening another branch at Tokyo. And as the recently-appointed new chief technology officer of the company – Jinsol got another promotion roughly two months ago because apparently, she’s been doing a **_real good_** job – her presence had been required for the meetings that had been held in Japan and the Taiwan office. 

“Don’t remind me,” Jinsol says with a grimace, making Jiwoo chuckle. “Those are the most stressful four weeks of my life. I had to deal with travelling back and forth between Korea and Japan, and Korea and Taiwan, and I had to leave Heejin with Haseul and Kahei, or my cousins for days on end multiple times.”

“Well, you did get promoted to that fancy-sounding title at that company you work at. You’re lucky you’re only required to fly out a couple times a month and that you can do majority of your work at home. Also, I’ve been wondering this since you told me about your job when you started, but isn’t that company based at Paris? How’d you even come to work there?”

“Remember when Heejin and I went to travel Europe for a year after my mother passed away? I ran into a friend I made back in LA who happened to be working at the company back then. They were looking for Communications Engineers, and he told me to give it a try when I mentioned that I resigned from the office back in LA.” 

Jiwoo hums, continuing to play with Yeojin who seems amused enough by Jiwoo’s wiggling fingers. Jinsol lets silence creep in between the two of them, figuring that it’s been enough small talk for now. They can talk about more mundane things later, after they catch up with each other’s respective lives.

“How are things with Sooyoung then?” Jinsol asks after a while, and the mention of her girlfriend’s name is enough to bring out a huge smile from Jiwoo’s lips. “Going by that smile, I’m guessing things are going quite well between the two of you?”

Jiwoo nods, grin still intact, as she momentarily takes her attention away from Yeojin long enough to flash Jinsol her happiest smile. The sight warms Jinsol’s heart, and she’s really, really glad that her best friend is finally this happy because Jiwoo deserves it. 

“We’re taking things slow,” Jiwoo says as she returns her gaze back to Yeojin. “We’re happy with the way things are between us right now, and we’re in no rush to take our relationship further than it currently is. I love her, and she loves me, and we’re happy with that.”

Jinsol takes a couple of moments to just look at Jiwoo and drink in the mirth in her eyes and the smile on her lips. She’s never seen the younger woman this happy, and Jinsol is glad that Jiwoo’s finally given a shot at the love she so deserves and has been wholeheartedly giving without expecting anything in return. Jinsol’s own love life might have gone up in flames, but she’s more than glad that at least Jiwoo is now happy with hers.

“I’m happy for you, Jiwoo,” Jinsol says after a while, ruffling Jiwoo’s hair fondly. Jiwoo merely squeals, but doesn’t smack Jinsol’s hand away. “You deserve it, kid. I’m glad that you’re happy.”

Jiwoo’s poised to say something, but she gets interrupted when the front door swings open loudly and Yerim runs inside with a loud squeal. Jinsol laughs out loud when the little kid runs straight towards her. Jinsol had to get up from her seat to catch the excitable Yerim as the kid bulldozes right into her. Jinsol playfully lets out a groan as she lifts Yerim in her arms, making Yerim giggle when she attacks the kid’s chubby cheeks with many kisses.

When she pulls back, Jinsol feels her heart grow in size when she sees the wide grin on Yerim’s lips, like the kid is genuinely very happy to see her. It might have hurt before, something as simple as looking at Yerim, but the little kid had oh so effortlessly managed to crawl her way into Jinsol’s heart that she managed to replace the pain with warmth, fondness, and something a little akin to love. Jinsol grins back, hugging Yerim close to her chest briefly before setting her down on her feet again.

Yerim hugs Jinsol’s legs tightly before she makes a dash towards the video room where the other kids are, and Jinsol merely follows her with her gaze. Yerim has grown closer to Heejin and Jinsol the past couple of months, when Jinsol volunteered to start picking up the other kids too when she went to pick up Heejin from school. The kids would spend hours playing with Jinsol or watching TV before they got picked up by their parents. The kids have grown to love Jinsol as quick as they were able to worm their way into Jinsol’s heart.

When the kid is finally out of sight, Jinsol turns to look at Jungeun, who had walked towards the table and is now playing with Yeojin alongside Jiwoo. There’s that familiar twinge in her heart again, something that Jinsol has come to associate with Jungeun, but it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. It’s still that familiar throbbing that always makes Jinsol pause to catch her breath, but unlike before, she finds herself able to withstand it for longer periods of time now. It’s quite a huge progress, and Jinsol finds herself smiling despite herself.

She walks towards the table as well, joining the two younger women as they play with a now giggling Yeojin. Jinsol’s smile grows at the sound, pulling her phone out of her pocket to start recording. And when her arm grazes Jungeun’s when she takes a seat, prompting the younger woman to turn towards her with a bashful smile on her lips, Jinsol flashes her a wide, genuine smile. It makes Jungeun pause for a bit, seemingly stunned, but she manages to wake herself from her daze long enough to return a smile back.

It’s the first step, they both think – the first of many towards their journey of mending their broken hearts. And they both know that it’s gonna be a long and arduous one, but they’re ready and striving for it. There’s nothing they want more than to fix what had been broken all those years ago, and they are determined to do everything just to achieve their goals. Jinsol and Jungeun are both so lost in their own world though, that they fail to notice Jiwoo sneakily pulling her phone out of her pocket to quickly snap a photo of them smiling at each other.  


* * *

  
Jiwoo’s eyelids flutter as the first rays of the morning sun filter through the gaps between her curtains, slowly warming her skin. She lets out a low groan as she turns over to get away from the bright lights, putting a pillow over her head to block the sun’s rays. It’s the first time she’s getting a break from work in weeks, and Jiwoo’s determined to just stay in and catch up on some much needed sleep.

It seems like Sooyoung has other plans though, as the door opens and in comes the older woman donning an apron, with a huge smile on her lips. She heads straight towards the windows to pull the curtains back, letting the sun’s rays spill into Jiwoo’s room. Jiwoo groans when the bed shakes as Sooyoung obnoxiously hops on it, disappointed as her plans for the day are foiled. With a sigh, Jiwoo swats the pillow off her head and turns on her back so she could face Sooyoung.

Jiwoo’s breath gets caught in her throat at the sight in front of her though. Sooyoung’s long hair is pulled up into a messy bun, with stray hairs framing her makeup-less face. Sooyoung’s always been beautiful, that Jiwoo is aware of, but right at this moment, with her face bare and devoid of any makeup, Sooyoung is so breathtakingly gorgeous that she knocks the breath from Jiwoo’s lungs. It’s unfair really, how someone can be this beautiful, and Jiwoo finds herself wondering once more how she got so lucky to be with someone like Sooyoung.

“Good morning babe,” Sooyoung greets with a grin, her dark eyes sparkling under the sun’s rays, and Jiwoo falls in love all over again. 

“I love you,” Jiwoo blurts out in response, internally wincing at her slip of tongue. She doesn’t take it back though, because she does love Sooyoung with her whole heart.

Although slightly caught by surprise, Sooyoung recovers quickly as her grin morphs into something more mellow and fond. She reaches out and cups Jiwoo’s cheek with her hand, letting her thumb gently caress Jiwoo’s skin. Her eyes are filled with love and adoration and Jiwoo finds herself getting lost in them. They spend a couple of minutes just staring into each other’s eyes, and when Sooyoung goes to lean down to capture Jiwoo’s lips in a kiss, the latter is quick to cover her mouth with her hand and turn her face away.

Sooyoung’s brows furrow in confusion, her lips pulling down into a slight frown. Jiwoo just shakes her head adamantly, mumbling a quick ‘morning breath!’ that’s muffled by her hand. Sooyoung just rolls her with a sigh, a bit disappointed but Jiwoo’s adorable pout when she pulls her hand back making up for it. She still wants her morning kiss though, so she steals a quick peck to the younger woman’s cheek which causes Jiwoo – who’s getting out of her bed to freshen up – to stumble and fall to the floor.

Jiwoo groans as Sooyoung bursts into laughter, and the younger woman pouts as she gets up and makes her way to the bathroom all while grumbling under her breath. Sooyoung follows after her, the smile never leaving the older woman’s lips. It only grows wider when a dark blush blooms across Jiwoo’s cheeks when she goes to backhug the younger woman while she’s brushing her teeth.

Sooyoung closes her eyes as she presses her lips lightly against Jiwoo’s temple, breathing in softly and letting the sweet scent of Jiwoo’s hair fill her lungs. Jiwoo stills, admiring the view of herself and Sooyoung on the mirror for a while before she finishes brushing her teeth. She leans against Sooyoung’s lean body once she’s done, and the two of them just enjoy the feeling of being pressed against each other like that for a quick moment before heading out of the bathroom.

Before they could walk out of Jiwoo’s room though, Sooyoung holds Jiwoo by the wrist and pulls the latter towards her to capture Jiwoo’s lips in a sweet kiss. Sooyoung rests her forehead against Jiwoo’s once they break from the kiss, fond smiles on their lips and warmth seeping into their hearts.

“For the record,” Sooyoung rasps as Jiwoo reaches for her hands and interlocks their fingers together. “I love you too.”  


* * *

  
_Jinsol sighs as she looks out the windows forlornly. It’s raining cats and dogs outside, which means that Jinsol’s plan of bringing Jungeun to the amusement park is a no-go. It bums her out, because she’s been planning this day for literal weeks. She even got Sooyoung to teach her how to cook, just so she could prepare all of Jungeun’s favorites for a quick picnic before they were to head to the amusement park. Pouting deeply, Jinsol sighs again before resting her chin against her palm, looking at the raindrops pelting against her windows with disdain._

_There’s a chuckle beside her before a light weight settles on her shoulder, yet it doesn’t deter Jinsol from glaring at the rain outside. Something soft and warm presses against her cheek and Jinsol finally tears her gaze away from the window to look beside her. She’s greeted by the sight of Jungeun’s smile, and the fondness in the younger woman’s eyes instantly melts away all the annoyance Jinsol’s feeling._

_“Hi there,” Jungeun whispers breathily, her eyes shining with mirth and playfulness that Jinsol couldn’t help but smile back._

_All traces of annoyance gone, Jinsol reaches for Jungeun’s hand and brings it up to her lips. She softly kisses each knuckle one by one, before placing Jungeun’s hand against her cheek and covering it with her own. Jungeun smiles, leaning forward to gently capture Jinsol’s lips in a short but sweet kiss, and there are matching soft smiles on their lips when they pull back._

_“I’m sorry we can’t go to our date today,” Jinsol says sadly as she returns her gaze briefly towards the windows._

_Jungeun merely smiles at this, cupping Jinsol’s cheeks again and playfully tugging the corners of Jinsol’s lips into a smile. Jinsol scoffs in mock annoyance, but she can’t keep her façade for long and she ends up laughing along with Jungeun. When their laughter dies down, Jungeun’s gaze turns fond again as she leans forward to peck the tip of Jinsol’s nose._

_“It’s okay, y’know. There’s always another day, love. And hey, look on the bright side. At least we get to stay in and cuddle as we stuff ourselves with junk food while binging on all those cheesy, romantic stuff you love watching.”_

_This makes Jinsol smile, and she’s the one to lean forward this time to capture Jungeun’s lips in another kiss. She’s incredibly lucky to have Jungeun in her life and to be loved by her – Jungeun who’s the most beautiful in the world in Jinsol’s eyes. Sometimes, Jinsol feels like she doesn’t deserve Jungeun’s love, but she never dares question it because Jungeun doesn’t let her do so. So she doesn’t question it anymore and just lets herself bask in the younger woman’s love._

_“You’re right,” Jinsol says with a smile. “There’s always another day.”_

Jinsol’s in the midst of finishing cooking dinner when the doorbell rings. She lowers the heat on the stove, letting the pot of beef stew simmer as she heads to open the door. Jungeun stands on the other side when she pulls the door back, still clad in her scrubs and with an exhausted look on her face. Jinsol ushers her inside, taking Jungeun’s coat and hanging it on the rack herself.

“Where are the kids?” Jungeun asks tiredly, stifling a yawn as she takes a seat on the couch.

“Heejin and Yerim are in Heejin’s room doing homework. Or Heejin’s helping Yerim with hers, I think. Haseul picked up Hyunjin and Hyejoo an hour ago, and Sooyoung and Jiwoo dropped by after their date to pick up Chaewon not too long ago,” Jinsol answers.

She heads to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water for Jungeun, who takes it gratefully and downs it without pause. Jungeun sighs as she mutters a soft _‘thanks’_ , handing the glass back to Jinsol who takes it with a smile.

“You look tired,” Jinsol comments after a beat of silence. “Long day?”

“You could say that,” Jungeun responds, closing her eyes for a bit. “There’s been a road accident involving five vehicles today. The ER was quite busy the whole day. Thank you, by the way, for volunteering to babysit the kids after school every day. You’re a life saver.”

“I already told you it’s no problem. You don’t have to thank me all the time, y’know. I don’t work until the evening anyway, and Heejin and I enjoy having everyone over. It’s a win-win for all of us. Hey, why don’t you and Yerim stay over for dinner? It’ll save you the effort of having to cook or ordering out.”

“I don’t know . . . I mean, I don’t want to be a bother –”

“You’re never a bother Jungeun.” Jinsol smiles softly at Jungeun who opens her eyes to look at her, and Jungeun feels her heart skip a beat at Jinsol’s words and at Jinsol’s smile.

Jinsol’s looking at her expectantly that Jungeun couldn’t find it in herself to say no. But she also finds herself unable to speak as she feels a lump lodging in her throat. So, with a shaky breath, she nods her head in response. The way Jinsol’s face lights up and her smile widens makes Jungeun’s heart race, and she finds herself breathless at the older woman’s beauty. Jinsol then gets up from the single seater she’s occupying excitedly, heading towards Jungeun and pushing her to lie down on the couch.

“Dinner’s about to be ready soon, so just wait here and rest up and I’ll just fetch you later. I’ll just return to the kitchen to finish cooking.”

Jungeun could only stare after the older woman as Jinsol makes her way to the kitchen with a bounce in her steps. The corner of Jungeun’s lips curl up into a small, fond smile at Jinsol’s antics, quite glad that Jinsol’s small quirks and mannerisms stayed through the years. She closes her eyes to take a badly needed quick nap, and her thoughts are filled with Jinsol when she drifts off into a dreamless sleep.  


* * *

  
There’s a smile on Jinsol’s lips as she watches Heejin and Yerim recall their day at the preschool to a smiling Jungeun. The quick nap seems to have re-energized Jungeun as she looks rested now compared to when she arrived earlier. They’re currently enjoying beef stew – one of Jungeun’s favorite dishes, which apparently Yerim loves as well – as Heejin and Yerim enthusiastically tell the two adults stories about their friends and their adventures from preschool. 

Jungeun listens to both of them with rapt attention, interjecting every now and then to ask questions, while Jinsol merely listens with a smile on her lips. Jinsol feels her heart warm at how quick Heejin and Jungeun took a liking to each other, and for a moment, Jinsol lets herself be selfish. She imagines how it would be like for them to be a family – her, Jungeun, Heejin, and Yerim – and her heart both grows in size and breaks at how beautiful it could be.

She lets herself get swept by her imaginations for a brief while, as she imagines a life where she and Jungeun could be together, along with their daughters, living happily. But reality comes crashing back again and Jinsol feels her heart break anew. It’s such a heart wrenching wishful thinking, and Jinsol mentally berates herself for even entertaining the thought.

When her gaze meets Jungeun’s as Heejin tells them of when Hyunjin tried to teach her how to play football, Jinsol has to force herself to return the smile that Jungeun’s sending her way. Jinsol has to ignore the way her heart skips a beat and has to swallow down the urge to tell Jungeun how much she still loves her. They’re getting better now, and their relationship is slowly mending with each passing day, and Jinsol doesn’t want to do anything that could jeopardize that. 

It’s been years, but Jinsol’s heart still beats for Jungeun and Jungeun alone. She’s still madly, irrevocably in love with Jungeun and Jinsol comes to accept the fact that maybe she’d stay in love with the younger woman her whole life. It will hurt, definitely, because her heart is overflowing with a love that she can do nothing about. But as Jinsol looks at Jungeun while the latter feeds Heejin the last of her meat, with that adoring smile on her lips and that fond look in her eyes, Jinsol thinks she doesn’t really mind hurting as long as she has Jungeun in her life. 

And she could only pray to every deity up in the skies, that she learn how to be content with only loving Jungeun from afar.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all. As I have said when I first posted this on aff, I’m still a pretty new fan of Loona, and this is my first work in the fandom. I love all the girls, and I’m finding myself getting immersed with the ships. The girls are all so beautiful and all so talented and I just love them so much? Anyway, I hope y’all like this story.


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